A blog to educate, bring hope, and healing to all forms of abuse, bullying, and violence. We don't put a band-aid on abuse/bullying we offer complete healing and restoration to victims, bystanders, and bullies. Bullying is a behavior not who a person is.
Some people are confused today about what bullying is. BULLYING can be as simple as not accepting someone, or excluding them from your little group, or making a verbal comment about their choice of lifestyle, moral or religious beliefs.
I will tell you I am a Christian, but I love and accept all people of various religions, race, creed, and sexual orientation. I may not agree with all their views, but I respect and love them. The only people we can change is us.
The Bible tells us in Mathew 7:5 that we are hypocrites when we are looking at the speck in someone else’s eye, without first removing the PLANK in our own.
My daughter has chosen to live in a lesbian relationship. Do I agree with her decision, not fully, but I do accept her decision and love her no matter what.
That’s how God is, he loves us so much that he gave each of us a free will and choice.
So as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord, by loving and accepting all people, of all walks of life, and be the CHANGE that others need to see.
I’m an educator in the public schools as well. Acceptance and Differences are a couple of my favorite topics of discussion. With smaller children we use four very different looking puppets to display how different they are, but also to point out that underneath, just like us they are exactly the same—they’re puppets. For older children we play a dollar game. Each of seven kids are given various bills and coins that total a dollar. They all look very different, but they all equal the same, and have the same value just like us!
We are all different, yet very much the same.
We all want to feel accepted, valued and loved for who we are, not for how we look or the choices we make.
Matt’s Safe School Law just passed in Michigan. They finally accepted the law Kevin Epling and his wife Tammy have been working on for years in regard to their son Matt who committed suicide in relation to bullying. However, when the bill past, our legislature put a twist on that bill, that states anyone can still bully for moral or religious views. This is something that we as educators SHOULD NOT accept!
I hope you will stand with us and be the change that others need to see. Not only do we present workshops in schools, work places, and communities, but our goal is to leave each community better than when we came, and equipped with the tools they need to be the change. Safer Schools. Safer Families. Safer Communities.
Contact us today! I would love to speak with you about bringing our program to your community!
Sunday ended our last weekend for our Walk n Talk Across Michigan to Stop Abuse & Bullying. On one end I was glad, on the other end sad. I was glad because we have a lot of speaking engagements coming up and our 2nd Annual Benefit for CHANGE on October 16, 2011. I was sad because we met a lot of people who needed help to get free from abuse and some who wanted to help us and others.
We don't always realize it, but the ABUSE realm is HUGE! I'm sure all of us can either say we've been bullied or abused or know someone who has been. Abuse is like a cancer in the world, spreading rapidly.
This is why I know my/our mission will continue.
It's been confirmed through other people as well. When I went to the barber to get the heart in the back of my head redone (shaved into the shape of the heart) I told him that I wouldn't be back because this was the end of our mission. He said, "You're mission is just beginning."
Then a lady I hadn't heard from in years and had no idea what I was doing, emailed me. She had a vision about me/us. She saw a map, a route all in yellow. God had orchestrated the map, and I was the one holding and looking at it. He had given us clear direction of where we (our family) needed to go and what we needed to do.
It encouraged me that God was confirming our mission in other people's lives as well. I'm excited about the road before us, and pray that we can have a huge impact on those hurting, abused, broken and desperate for healing.
Recently I had the opportunity to witness to a young lady addicted to drugs/alcohol and heading down a destructive path, due to the abuse she suffered as a child by her father. She is now CLEAN and serving the Lord. A few days ago I had a dream/vision and wasn't sure what it meant. Yesterday this girl texted me about something she was planning to do, but knew she shouldn't. Right then I knew the dream/vision was for her and I shared it with her. Thankfully, what Satan meant for harm, God turned around for good, as through that vision she was able to thwart the plans of the enemy and follow the Lord!
When my son, Brian, passed away a year ago, I vowed to go all over the world like he wanted to help others who are bullied and abused. We still don't have the funds we need to make a journey of that nature. But we did go all over Michigan this summer and God was faithful to provide everything we needed for this journey. So I know that nothing is impossible with God! If He calls you to it, He will bring you through it!
So my mission continues. And that's fine with me as long as I'm in God's will. I know his will is always the same to CHANGE HEARTS and SAVE LIVES. And that's what we intend to do, whether we're at home in Michigan or on the other side of the world.
There are many ways you can help/partner with us to make this dream/vision come to pass and forward us on this mission God has called us to: through prayer, fasting, volunteering, monthly support/or sponsorship, fundraising, donations or by simply purchasing our brand new CHANGE of HEART for BRIAN bracelets available on our website for only $1 each! http://www.ChangeForBrian.com. (The best part--every penny given stops abuse and is 100% tax deductible!)
Thanks so much for your help! Together we can Stop Abuse! Please share this link & info with all your friends and family! Wouldn't that be awesome if the sales from these tiny little bracelets funded our entire mission?! I would be ecstatic! God often uses the "little things" to bring about the biggest blessings! I know he has in my life.
You can also order these bracelets by mail. They come in a variety of bright colors: light pink, hot pink, lavender, blue, green, and tri-colors. Mail Check or Money Order to: Abuse Bites, Change Bracelets, PO Box 1582, Owosso, MI 48867 (Please include $2.50 for shipping and handling 1-20 bracelets, $5 for shipping for 21-50, $10 for 51-75, $15 for 76-100)
It's been less than 2 months since I buried my son. (Brian's story)
The grief from that has been enough to weigh on my heart, let alone being bullied through it. I wasn't out to hurt no one. I attacked no one. I simply logged onto my facebook account and posted my feelings on my wall. I have to admit, it was one of the roughest days I'd had since Brian passed. I haven't had much sleep due to my other son having a life threatening seizure. (Jeremiah's story)
I felt deserted. Hurt. Lonely. So I posted something about feeling hurt, that no one would probably understand, or if they did they'd be too busy with their own lives to respond.
A certain person, from the church I recently attended for more than two years, responded. More like, she viciously attacked me. She replied with a comment to say that I shouldn't be feeling like that or wallowing in my own grief and sorrow. Instead I should be like her, going to church 4 times a week, so I can fit in and receive love. After all she'd lost both parents and a sibling and knew what grief was like.
Why do we always try to fit everyone into our little box and stereotype their life?
That would be like me stereotyping how the church should act with me and my family. While they gave freely and liberally to another family in need, they seemed to forget our needs altogether. Other than the typical service our church gives to everyone, bringing 3 meals in right after the funeral; No one called, came over, or hardly posted anything encouraging on our facebook wall. Yet, we realized that this other family needed them, so we stepped back.
I have learned through these two hard years, you can be left out in a whole room full of people, even at church.
Sadly, me and my family know how that feels first hand. At church softball games we sat there watching as certain people passed right by us to offer everyone else hugs. We watched cliques form inside the church and even tried to speak to leadership about it, but was told there wasn't any and I was being deceived, and then the very next Sunday it became a sermon, and suddenly Jesus even had cliques! Many times I'd offered to serve in different areas in this particular church, but was told I did enough already, so I prayed and took my talents and gifts to reach others outside the four walls of the church.
We did reach people. We even brought many of these individuals into that same church. Sadly some of them were bullied and left out too. Some have moved on and found churches were they are loved and accepted, some are still there praying it will change.
Every time someone walked out the door, I heard, "Let 'em go. I don't even care why they left."
But in the Bible, Jesus clearly states that he is the Good Shepherd and if even one strayed off he would leave the 99 others and go after that one.
We are supposed to be the church, the body. It should affect us when someone walks away hurt or wounded. We should love them and pursue them in or outside the church walls.
I'm not condemning the church; I'm speaking to the body. Why are we attacking our own? I've been shown more love and compassion from people in the world that don't claim to have a personal relationship with Jesus or any affiliation with God. Why is that?
God designed the church to be a place for healing, love, acceptance, freedom and life, not a place of judgment, condemnation, or to be left out. We were all created equal, born with a free will. God is the only one who can ever change us or judge us.
So why do we keep trying to fit everyone into our own little box, and when they don't fit, we toss them out like rotten potatoes?
I can't speak for anyone else, but for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. And I will do what my son Brian would do, forgive my bullies, in and out of the church, in life and in death. Because if I keep holding this hurt inside, I know I'm only hurting myself. If I don't forgive, I will not be forgiven.
Forgiveness is key to healing any heart, sorrow, pain or grief. I hope you too can forgive those that have hurt you. And if I've hurt you, please forgive me.
Typically I'm not an MTV fan. However, when a girl who recently went through my pet therapy class facebook'd me and said, "You might want to watch this new TV show 'If You Really Knew Me' I think it would be something awesome to add to your anti-bullying program for high school students."
The program was amazing! I loved the show from beginning to end. What an eye opener! After watching this show, I hope we can take bits and pieces to incorporate them into our presentation. WOW!
During the first part of the show, you see the teens separated into various groups, preps, outcasts, popular, nerds, etc. But then students participate in a one-day program "Challenge Day" that breaks down the walls of separation. I watched how they interacted with the students to do various activities, and how the students began to break down emotionally. It was amazing! I loved when they split up into small groups and each shared something that no one would know about them. They purposely put the outcasts, nerds, and popular people together.
But the best part of all was when they asked all the students to stand together in back of the blue line. Then one by one they'd call out things like, "if you've ever been affected by someone close to you dying, someone or yourself taking drugs or alcohol, physically hit by a brother or sister, being yelled or screamed at, put down on a regular basis step over the line." Nearly all the kids stepped over. Then they said, "See, you're never alone. Someone else is going through the same stuff you are."
It was awesome to see the outcasts, nerds, and popular people all hugging each other. As I wiped the tears from my eyes, I thought about my own life. How I wished they had a program like this when I was growing up. Maybe I wouldn't have run away. Maybe I wouldn't have been so abused. Maybe I would have had friends.
If you really knew me, you'd know that all my life I felt like an outcast. In my family. At school. Even at church. People just didn't seem to accept me. I'm still very lonely and don't have many friends. Every church I've been in people have tight cliques and although they may say Hi and give me a hug sometimes, I still feel like that outcast on the outside looking in. My kids are all different and have special needs; they are often outcasts and not accepted either. I cry and ask God why sometimes.
If you really knew me you'd know that I didn't graduate from school. That I dropped out in 7th grade to run away with an older boyfriend. I was beaten, raped, kidnapped, and forced into dancing and prostitution. And I was homeless for two years because when I thought about going home, my boyfriend would beg me to stay telling me that we would never see each other again if I went home. This same boyfriend nearly beat me to death on our wedding night when I was 16. (Check out Lisa's book based on her true story)
If you really knew me, you'd know that in my second marriage my husband was supposedly a Christian man addicted to pornography, which was blamed on me from pastors and counselors for years. You'd know that I kept trying to be a better wife and please him, even though he had numerous affairs and gave me VD. You'd know that he later molested our three children. And you'd know that when I did kick him out, that he kidnapped my children and I had to pretend to get back with him to get them in my custody, and then sneak off to a shelter with them one day while he was at work. (Check out my book based on our true story, "The Pictures That Destroy The Mind" )
If you really knew me, you'd know that me, my entire family, and even our dogs have been abused. My eldest son was a cutter and nearly committed suicide. My daughter was called gay, was emotionally impaired, and almost strangled to death by another student. My youngest son was nearly bullied to death in high school. And my son, Brian is autistic, only has two chambers in his heart, and needs a heart transplant. (Check out our entire family/even our dog's various healings)
If you really knew me, you'd also know that I overcome fear every day to speak and share my story of abuse survival. You'd know that sometimes I feel overwhelmed and depressed and like I have no one to turn to. (Check out a Vision Lisa had that keeps her going)
If you really knew me, you'd know that I struggle in my marriage even though I'm married to a wonderful Christian now, I fall in my Christian walk, and I'm having a hard time with all the emotions that go along with menopause. (Check out Lisa's healing testimony)
If you really knew me, you'd know that it breaks my heart every time a child is bullied; a teen even thinks of suicide or becomes a victim of dating violence. You'd know that I want to do more to help, in the schools, churches, and communities abroad. And you'd also know that I couldn't go out and do any of this if God hadn't brought me Snickers. (Lisa & Snickers story)
If you really knew me, you'd know that a lot of people attack me and get the wrong idea about me. That I only want to do God's will, not my own. That I don't care about fame or fortune, I just care about reaching others and helping them heal from abusive lifestyles. And helping them so they don't make the same bad choices I made.
If you really knew me, you'd know that sometimes I just want to give up. Doing a ministry, non-profit, training dogs, and caring for four adult children with special needs is a ton of work.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I have learned to give it all to God. He is the reason I do and can do anything I do. I get excited and afraid every time I know I'm going to speak or write. The excitement comes from knowing I will hopefully be able to help others, the fear comes from all the abuse and rejection I suffered. People even in the church have rejected me, my book, and my testimony and made me feel like dirt, and like I'm not as good as them.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I have learned to surrender to Jesus. He was horribly rejected and abused too. I want to be like him, so I forgive all, realizing that people are just people, they will hurt us, but if we don’t forgive them, we hurt ourselves far more.
Like Paul says in Philippians 3:14, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
It's funny. Or maybe it's not. But all my life I wanted more than anything to be loved, accepted and feel important. Still somehow I always seemed to run in the wrong direction.
Inside I always wanted to do the right thing. But I was sucked in to going along with the crowd so I'd have friends and fit in somewhere.
I was afraid of doing drugs, but everyone in my neighborhood smoked pot. They already thought I did it, so I was cool. Until one day when we were hanging out and they lit up a joint. I was scared to death. When they passed the joint my way I wanted to say no and run home. But I didn't want to look like some dork or be the odd girl out. Yet, my heart pounded like it would explode right out my chest. I just knew if I took a hit I'd die. Still I went along with the crowd.
Another time my supposed BF (best friend--and I use the term FRIEND loosely) and I were shopping. She talked me into stealing. It was scary at first. But I grabbed the pair of earrings and hurried out of the store. Wow! I got away with it! And I got some really nice jewelry for nothing! The next day we did it again. After only a couple weeks I had all this amazing jewelry and I was even ripping off clothes. Everything seemed to be going pretty good. Until one day I was with this same girl in JC Penney's. I had ripped a purse for myself and started walking home, but then she wanted me to go back to the store and get her one too. I didn't have a good feeling about it at all. My gut screamed, "NO!" But she kept pleading and begging, so I went back in, and you guessed it, I got busted. And where was my so called BF while I got a good talking to and threatened that if I ever came back in the store, they'd call my parents, of course she ditched me and took off.
Guys would ditch me too. Oh they'd say they'd love me and that they'd be there for me, but they weren't. As soon as they got what they wanted they'd be gone. Or if they were still around, they were only there to hurt and abuse me.
I'd like to say I got smart and hung out with better people. I didn't. For years I ran to a lifestyle of abuse and let others bully me. It wasn't until much later, as a grown woman, that I learned life is all about choices and I could literally choose friends/relationships that were good and would benefit me, or I could continue to make the poor choices I'd been making.
Basically I was a 7th grade middle school drop out, who suffered through 2 painfully abusive marriages, and became a nothing, but at 26, now a single mother of three I went back to school, got my GED, went onto college where I maintained a 4.0 and made the Dean's List, got a degree in Christian Ministry, and became an Award-Winning Christian Author, Teacher, Speaker, Pet Therapist, and Abuse Advocate. Today I'm running to life and I'm more happy than I've ever been.
It's our choice. We can keep running to bad relationships and a life of abuse or bullying that will bring us down, or we can stop the cycle of abuse and make the choice to run in the right direction--to life and be set free.
I hope you won't have to suffer the way I have. That's why I'm fighting back, by sharing my story through speaking at churches, anti-bullying workshops in schools, and writing books and blogging. By getting this information out there, others can break free too.
