I was 13. He said he loved me. He said he'd protect me.
He had the perfect plan. "Let's run away together."
It sounded like a great idea. But I didn't see what was really happening. He wanted to control me. Have me all to himself.
First he attacked my friends. "They're just trying to break us up," he'd say. Or "they're a bad influence on you, I don't want you hanging around them anymore."
Then it was my family. My mom loved him. Actually more than she did me. She believed him, even when I was the one telling the truth. Still that wasn't enough for him. He made it so it looked like no one ever loved me but him.
So I followed after him hard. I hitchhiked when I was afraid we'd get picked up by another crazy lunatic and I'd be kidnapped and raped again. I wanted to go home. But he said, "If you go back, the courts will separate us for good and we'll never see each other again."
He did other horrible things. At only 14 he walked me into a bar, but this one was different. The girl on stage was taking her top off. I slapped him and ran outside. He ran after me. "What are you getting so mad about? I'm doing this for us. We need money."
It was then, he talked me into topless dancing. He promised, "You don't have to do it very long. Just until we get some money."
Weeks went by. Guys drooled over me. They touched me. Stalked me. It was such a gross feeling to overcome. But eventually I did.
But then he started drinking and he hit me. "I'm sorry," he said with tears in his eyes, caressing my badly bruised cheek. "I promise I'll never do it again. I don't want to be like my dad."
I didn't want him to be like his alcoholic, abusive father, either. And seeing the tears in his eyes and him down on his knees begging me to stay with him, I just knew in my heart he'd change.
You can only run so long before getting caught and having to go home. At 15, after spending two weeks locked up in a girl's home in Colorado, I was on my way back to Michigan. It had been the hardest 14 days of my life. In the two years we hitchhiked all over the US, we'd only been apart twice, once was when we were kidnapped and tied up, another time was when we went to jail in Florida for 10 days for being in a stolen truck.
He was all I thought about. I wondered where he was and if we'd ever see each other again. He'd told me if I ever went home that would be the end of us. I hoped his was wrong. I loved him with all my heart and wanted to be with him.
After a few weeks he made his way back to Michigan too. My parents even helped him. Things were looking up. He finished school and joined the Air Force. I returned to school. He was 1,000 miles away in Texas in boot camp. I hated school and being away from him. So I ran away again to be with him. This time alone.
When I finally got there, after being picked up by all kinds of crazy freaks, he didn't act like he wanted me there. He was drinking, getting high, and cheating behind my back. I found out about "the other girl" months later when we started our new lives at KI Sawyer AFB. We were engaged to be married at the time. The plan was to hide out with him until my 16th birthday, and then my parents would sign for me to get married.
But within one week after moving into our new trailer, he tried to force me to go to a party. "No, I'm not going to some party with her and other people I don't know!" That was the first and last time I stood up to him. Within minutes I was a bloody mess, picking myself up off the floor. He threatened me if I told anyone what happened he'd kill me, forced me to get cleaned up, put make up on, and get ready. Knowing he meant what he said, I did what he wanted.
And of course later, several hours later, he said he was sorry. I believed him. Enough to marry him six months later. But on our wedding night, he drank nearly a fifth of whiskey, was hanging all over other women and girls, and beat me worse than I'd ever been beaten.
Again, he apologized and promised he wouldn't drink so much and blamed it on the alcohol. This went on and on. I was fooling myself thinking I could change him or that he'd change on his own.
He never changed. Instead the beatings got worse and worse, until he nearly killed me. Luckily I escaped with my life. And if you're reading this, chances are you're trapped in the cycle of abuse too. But you're still alive. You can get out before it's too late and get help.
I stayed way too long. But thankfully I did get away. Some are not so fortunate.
I wrote a book "Run For Your Life" to share my story and how I got free. If you know a runaway teen, an abused/battered woman, someone in a dating violent relationship, please, please, please, please GET this book for them today and encourage them to get help before it's too late.
*HURRY FREE BOOK OFFER BELOW*
You can get "Run For Your Life" online today @ my website: http://www.runtolife.org. or send $14.95 plus $4.00 shipping and handling to: Lisa Freeman, Run For Your Life, PO Box 1582, Owosso, MI 48867. In fact I will send all 3 books in the series for the price of 1. Just mention this offer when ordering. Offer for a limited time only, so HURRY. Although I usually try to get books shipped the same day orders come in, please allow 2-4 weeks for delivery.
Warning Signs Of Being Trapped In The Cycle Of Abuse
-Your bf/gf/spouse doesn't want you to hang out with your friends/family
-Your bf/gf/spouse tries to isolate you
-Your bf/gf/spouse is controlling
-Your bf/gf/spouse is verbally abusive to you in private or around your friends
-Your bf/gf/spouse is physically abusive (hits, kicks, slaps, pushes, etc)
-Your bf/gf/spouse is sexually abusive (forces you to do acts you don't want to do, touches you)
-Your bf/gf/spouse is emotionally abusive (controls you, who you hang out with, where you go, what you do, or gives you the silent treatment, or manipulates you)
-Your bf/gf/spouse is jealous
-Your bf/gf/spouse forces you into doing things you don't want to do
-Your bf/gf/spouse threatens if you leave they'll hurt you or themselves
-Your bf/gf/spouse says they're sorry and never will do it again
So continues the cycle of abuse. If you are in a relationship and your bf/gf/spouse is doing even one of those things, tell someone, get help, make a plan of escape before it's too late. Chances are it will only get worse.
This is another current story of a woman trapped in abuse most of her life and how she escaped barely with her life, having to leave her poor children behind.
http://www.stabroeknews.com/2010/stories/06/13/after-eight-years-scarred-domestic-abuse-survivor-starts-over/
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Friday, July 9, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Are You Running To Abuse & Bullying?
It's funny. Or maybe it's not. But all my life I wanted more than anything to be loved, accepted and feel important. Still somehow I always seemed to run in the wrong direction.
Inside I always wanted to do the right thing. But I was sucked in to going along with the crowd so I'd have friends and fit in somewhere.
I was afraid of doing drugs, but everyone in my neighborhood smoked pot. They already thought I did it, so I was cool. Until one day when we were hanging out and they lit up a joint. I was scared to death. When they passed the joint my way I wanted to say no and run home. But I didn't want to look like some dork or be the odd girl out. Yet, my heart pounded like it would explode right out my chest. I just knew if I took a hit I'd die. Still I went along with the crowd.
Another time my supposed BF (best friend--and I use the term FRIEND loosely) and I were shopping. She talked me into stealing. It was scary at first. But I grabbed the pair of earrings and hurried out of the store. Wow! I got away with it! And I got some really nice jewelry for nothing! The next day we did it again. After only a couple weeks I had all this amazing jewelry and I was even ripping off clothes. Everything seemed to be going pretty good. Until one day I was with this same girl in JC Penney's. I had ripped a purse for myself and started walking home, but then she wanted me to go back to the store and get her one too. I didn't have a good feeling about it at all. My gut screamed, "NO!" But she kept pleading and begging, so I went back in, and you guessed it, I got busted. And where was my so called BF while I got a good talking to and threatened that if I ever came back in the store, they'd call my parents, of course she ditched me and took off.
Guys would ditch me too. Oh they'd say they'd love me and that they'd be there for me, but they weren't. As soon as they got what they wanted they'd be gone. Or if they were still around, they were only there to hurt and abuse me.
I'd like to say I got smart and hung out with better people. I didn't. For years I ran to a lifestyle of abuse and let others bully me. It wasn't until much later, as a grown woman, that I learned life is all about choices and I could literally choose friends/relationships that were good and would benefit me, or I could continue to make the poor choices I'd been making.
Basically I was a 7th grade middle school drop out, who suffered through 2 painfully abusive marriages, and became a nothing, but at 26, now a single mother of three I went back to school, got my GED, went onto college where I maintained a 4.0 and made the Dean's List, got a degree in Christian Ministry, and became an Award-Winning Christian Author, Teacher, Speaker, Pet Therapist, and Abuse Advocate. Today I'm running to life and I'm more happy than I've ever been.
It's our choice. We can keep running to bad relationships and a life of abuse or bullying that will bring us down, or we can stop the cycle of abuse and make the choice to run in the right direction--to life and be set free.
I hope you won't have to suffer the way I have. That's why I'm fighting back, by sharing my story through speaking at churches, anti-bullying workshops in schools, and writing books and blogging. By getting this information out there, others can break free too.
Inside I always wanted to do the right thing. But I was sucked in to going along with the crowd so I'd have friends and fit in somewhere.
I was afraid of doing drugs, but everyone in my neighborhood smoked pot. They already thought I did it, so I was cool. Until one day when we were hanging out and they lit up a joint. I was scared to death. When they passed the joint my way I wanted to say no and run home. But I didn't want to look like some dork or be the odd girl out. Yet, my heart pounded like it would explode right out my chest. I just knew if I took a hit I'd die. Still I went along with the crowd.
Another time my supposed BF (best friend--and I use the term FRIEND loosely) and I were shopping. She talked me into stealing. It was scary at first. But I grabbed the pair of earrings and hurried out of the store. Wow! I got away with it! And I got some really nice jewelry for nothing! The next day we did it again. After only a couple weeks I had all this amazing jewelry and I was even ripping off clothes. Everything seemed to be going pretty good. Until one day I was with this same girl in JC Penney's. I had ripped a purse for myself and started walking home, but then she wanted me to go back to the store and get her one too. I didn't have a good feeling about it at all. My gut screamed, "NO!" But she kept pleading and begging, so I went back in, and you guessed it, I got busted. And where was my so called BF while I got a good talking to and threatened that if I ever came back in the store, they'd call my parents, of course she ditched me and took off.
Guys would ditch me too. Oh they'd say they'd love me and that they'd be there for me, but they weren't. As soon as they got what they wanted they'd be gone. Or if they were still around, they were only there to hurt and abuse me.
I'd like to say I got smart and hung out with better people. I didn't. For years I ran to a lifestyle of abuse and let others bully me. It wasn't until much later, as a grown woman, that I learned life is all about choices and I could literally choose friends/relationships that were good and would benefit me, or I could continue to make the poor choices I'd been making.
Basically I was a 7th grade middle school drop out, who suffered through 2 painfully abusive marriages, and became a nothing, but at 26, now a single mother of three I went back to school, got my GED, went onto college where I maintained a 4.0 and made the Dean's List, got a degree in Christian Ministry, and became an Award-Winning Christian Author, Teacher, Speaker, Pet Therapist, and Abuse Advocate. Today I'm running to life and I'm more happy than I've ever been.
It's our choice. We can keep running to bad relationships and a life of abuse or bullying that will bring us down, or we can stop the cycle of abuse and make the choice to run in the right direction--to life and be set free.
I hope you won't have to suffer the way I have. That's why I'm fighting back, by sharing my story through speaking at churches, anti-bullying workshops in schools, and writing books and blogging. By getting this information out there, others can break free too.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Who's Stalking Now?
Who's stalking now? That's a good question. Actually, anyone can stalk someone and anyone can be the victim of stalking.
Stalking is a crime that affects over one million women and nearly 375,000 men each year in America. Victims of stalking are harassed and intimidated and, in far too many cases, physically harmed and even murdered. It is a pervasive crime that merits our collective concern and dedication to collaborative prevention and response efforts.
Statistics from the National Violence Against Women Survey tell us that approximately 1.5 million people are stalked every year in the United States and 4 out of 5 of those victims are women. Most often, female victims were stalked by an intimate partner.
There is a strong correlation between intimate partner stalking and the related crimes of domestic violence and sexual assault.It is important to educate everyone about the types of stalking behaviors. Stalking can include repeated phone calls, following, damage to property or homes, and any other action that controls or frightens someone.Increasingly, more individuals are engaged in “cyberstalking” by using the internet, chat rooms, message boards, and electronic tracking devices to harass their victims.
Any form of stalking can be terrifying, no matter what the age of the victim, or whether the victim knows the stalker or not.Education and safety planning is critical to the prevention and detection of this serious crime. OVW is committed to keeping stalking victims safe and holding stalkers accountable for their deplorable actions---not just in January, but in every month of the year.
If you feel that you are in imminent danger, trust your instincts and do what makes you feel safe. Consider going to a safe location such as a police station. Call 911 if you fear for your immediate safety.
-Know that you are not to blame for the stalker’s behavior.·
-Call your local domestic violence or sexual assault program to get support and hear about options and resources.
-Call the National Stalking Resource Center for support (1-800-FYI-CALL).·
-Consider getting a protection order to keep the stalker away from you. Visit Legal section for more information.
-Keep a log of the stalking incidences to show the pattern of events. Write down every incident that happens including all the times, dates and other information.
-Keep videotapes, answering machine or voicemail messages, photos of property damage, emails and letters you receive.
-Know that technology can be used to track you.
-Tell important people about the stalking problem including the police, your employer, and family, friends and neighbors.
Internet Safety Alert:*If you think your activities are being monitored, please try to use a safer computer which is unknown or un-accessible to your abuser.
Trust is a huge issue when going through stalking and tough relationships, but that's when I learned to lean on and trust in God even more. He showed me that although certain people in my life were trying to hurt me, He was trying to get me into a safer, better environment to bring healing and take all my former pain away. So this New Year's Day, I pray blessings, healing, safety, and a bright future over all of you who may be seeking a safe refuge during this time--
God bless,
Lisa Freeman
Stalking is a crime that affects over one million women and nearly 375,000 men each year in America. Victims of stalking are harassed and intimidated and, in far too many cases, physically harmed and even murdered. It is a pervasive crime that merits our collective concern and dedication to collaborative prevention and response efforts.
Statistics from the National Violence Against Women Survey tell us that approximately 1.5 million people are stalked every year in the United States and 4 out of 5 of those victims are women. Most often, female victims were stalked by an intimate partner.
There is a strong correlation between intimate partner stalking and the related crimes of domestic violence and sexual assault.It is important to educate everyone about the types of stalking behaviors. Stalking can include repeated phone calls, following, damage to property or homes, and any other action that controls or frightens someone.Increasingly, more individuals are engaged in “cyberstalking” by using the internet, chat rooms, message boards, and electronic tracking devices to harass their victims.
Any form of stalking can be terrifying, no matter what the age of the victim, or whether the victim knows the stalker or not.Education and safety planning is critical to the prevention and detection of this serious crime. OVW is committed to keeping stalking victims safe and holding stalkers accountable for their deplorable actions---not just in January, but in every month of the year.
If you feel that you are in imminent danger, trust your instincts and do what makes you feel safe. Consider going to a safe location such as a police station. Call 911 if you fear for your immediate safety.
-Know that you are not to blame for the stalker’s behavior.·
-Call your local domestic violence or sexual assault program to get support and hear about options and resources.
-Call the National Stalking Resource Center for support (1-800-FYI-CALL).·
-Consider getting a protection order to keep the stalker away from you. Visit Legal section for more information.
-Keep a log of the stalking incidences to show the pattern of events. Write down every incident that happens including all the times, dates and other information.
-Keep videotapes, answering machine or voicemail messages, photos of property damage, emails and letters you receive.
-Know that technology can be used to track you.
-Tell important people about the stalking problem including the police, your employer, and family, friends and neighbors.
Internet Safety Alert:*If you think your activities are being monitored, please try to use a safer computer which is unknown or un-accessible to your abuser.
Trust is a huge issue when going through stalking and tough relationships, but that's when I learned to lean on and trust in God even more. He showed me that although certain people in my life were trying to hurt me, He was trying to get me into a safer, better environment to bring healing and take all my former pain away. So this New Year's Day, I pray blessings, healing, safety, and a bright future over all of you who may be seeking a safe refuge during this time--
God bless,
Lisa Freeman
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Is Sorry Really The Hardest Word?
There was a song when I was growing up titled, "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word". And I guess some people do find it hard to say they're sorry. But in a domestic violent situation, victims are always apologized to and promised that things will get better.
That's the abuse cycle. Sadly hundreds of thousands of girls, women, and even men, fall prey to this vicious cycle every year. Some abuse victims may be fortunate enough to escape if they get out early, others may have stayed a little longer and faced more pain and heartache, but my heart really cries to speak out for those who never had a chance to escape--the martyrs of domestic abuse--these are the ones have given their lives for the rest of us to learn a harsh lesson--GET OUT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!
I lived with a man who nearly killed me. Thankfully I was able to escape from that relationship before it was too late. But I know someone who waited a bit too long to get out of an abusive relationship. Her name is Susan Crim. Susan's truly my hero! So in honor of Domestic Abuse Violence Awareness Month, I wrote a story about her on my website: (Read Her Story click on the "what's new" link.)
Don't wait until this happens to you--Get Out Before It's Too Late!
What you can do if you're in an abusive relationship:
-Report The Abuse
-Get Help & Make A Safety Action Plan Of Escape
-Contact a friend or family member
-Call 1-800-GET SAFE
-Don't return to the abusive situation once you get away
-Don't fall into the repetitive cycle of them saying their sorry
-Take care of yourself and change your lifestyle so you won't be a magnet for abusers in the future--counseling will help
-Forgiving your abuser is a must (holding unforgiveness only makes the victim feel worse), but that does not mean taking them back or putting up with more abuse!
That's the abuse cycle. Sadly hundreds of thousands of girls, women, and even men, fall prey to this vicious cycle every year. Some abuse victims may be fortunate enough to escape if they get out early, others may have stayed a little longer and faced more pain and heartache, but my heart really cries to speak out for those who never had a chance to escape--the martyrs of domestic abuse--these are the ones have given their lives for the rest of us to learn a harsh lesson--GET OUT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!
I lived with a man who nearly killed me. Thankfully I was able to escape from that relationship before it was too late. But I know someone who waited a bit too long to get out of an abusive relationship. Her name is Susan Crim. Susan's truly my hero! So in honor of Domestic Abuse Violence Awareness Month, I wrote a story about her on my website: (Read Her Story click on the "what's new" link.)
Don't wait until this happens to you--Get Out Before It's Too Late!
What you can do if you're in an abusive relationship:
-Report The Abuse
-Get Help & Make A Safety Action Plan Of Escape
-Contact a friend or family member
-Call 1-800-GET SAFE
-Don't return to the abusive situation once you get away
-Don't fall into the repetitive cycle of them saying their sorry
-Take care of yourself and change your lifestyle so you won't be a magnet for abusers in the future--counseling will help
-Forgiving your abuser is a must (holding unforgiveness only makes the victim feel worse), but that does not mean taking them back or putting up with more abuse!
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