A blog to educate, bring hope, and healing to all forms of abuse, bullying, and violence. We don't put a band-aid on abuse/bullying we offer complete healing and restoration to victims, bystanders, and bullies. Bullying is a behavior not who a person is.
I love to joke around and laugh more than anyone. But I realize now, that what I may view as funny, may be the brunt of someone else's pain. It took me some time to see that many of my jokes were hurtful insults to others.
If we look at comedians today like Larry the Cable Guy, Eddie Murphy, George Lopez, and many others, their stand up shows all have one thing in common--they're belittling or bullying someone to make others laugh. Don't get me wrong, these are some of my favorites. BUT while their jokes can be hysterically funny, not everyone is amused... no, rather abused.
Pranks are funny too. I've played pranks and practical jokes on nearly everyone I've known. Most of them pranks were harmless. But a prank that happened recently in West Branch Michigan to a high school student, Whitney Kropp, wasn't so innocent. No, her pranksters set out to embarrass, humiliate and chastise her in front of her whole school.
They nominated her for homecoming court as a practical joke. A teenage prank. Seemed innocent enough. They'd all get a good laugh.
Whitney learned of the prank and was horrifically humiliated and even wanted to end her precious life. Her pranksters probably thought they had the upper hand. What a joke!
BUT thankfully, her school, her city, and her entire community came together to support her and she defeated her bullies and won! She didn't retaliate, she simply stood up for herself, and she wore her crown proudly that night!
Now the whole world is supporting her!
In honor of National Anti-Bullying Month--October--My hearts cry is that every school, city, and community would stand together like this against all forms of bullying and set the innocent victims free.
Whitney Kropp is a SURVIVOR!
Bullies, the joke is on you!
Written by: Lisa Freeman, Motivational Bully Speaker in Michigan, CEO of Abuse Bites, Healing Projects Specialist Bully Police USA
I was 13. He said he loved me. He said he'd protect me.
He had the perfect plan. "Let's run away together."
It sounded like a great idea. But I didn't see what was really happening. He wanted to control me. Have me all to himself.
First he attacked my friends. "They're just trying to break us up," he'd say. Or "they're a bad influence on you, I don't want you hanging around them anymore."
Then it was my family. My mom loved him. Actually more than she did me. She believed him, even when I was the one telling the truth. Still that wasn't enough for him. He made it so it looked like no one ever loved me but him.
So I followed after him hard. I hitchhiked when I was afraid we'd get picked up by another crazy lunatic and I'd be kidnapped and raped again. I wanted to go home. But he said, "If you go back, the courts will separate us for good and we'll never see each other again."
He did other horrible things. At only 14 he walked me into a bar, but this one was different. The girl on stage was taking her top off. I slapped him and ran outside. He ran after me. "What are you getting so mad about? I'm doing this for us. We need money."
It was then, he talked me into topless dancing. He promised, "You don't have to do it very long. Just until we get some money."
Weeks went by. Guys drooled over me. They touched me. Stalked me. It was such a gross feeling to overcome. But eventually I did.
But then he started drinking and he hit me. "I'm sorry," he said with tears in his eyes, caressing my badly bruised cheek. "I promise I'll never do it again. I don't want to be like my dad."
I didn't want him to be like his alcoholic, abusive father, either. And seeing the tears in his eyes and him down on his knees begging me to stay with him, I just knew in my heart he'd change.
You can only run so long before getting caught and having to go home. At 15, after spending two weeks locked up in a girl's home in Colorado, I was on my way back to Michigan. It had been the hardest 14 days of my life. In the two years we hitchhiked all over the US, we'd only been apart twice, once was when we were kidnapped and tied up, another time was when we went to jail in Florida for 10 days for being in a stolen truck.
He was all I thought about. I wondered where he was and if we'd ever see each other again. He'd told me if I ever went home that would be the end of us. I hoped his was wrong. I loved him with all my heart and wanted to be with him.
After a few weeks he made his way back to Michigan too. My parents even helped him. Things were looking up. He finished school and joined the Air Force. I returned to school. He was 1,000 miles away in Texas in boot camp. I hated school and being away from him. So I ran away again to be with him. This time alone.
When I finally got there, after being picked up by all kinds of crazy freaks, he didn't act like he wanted me there. He was drinking, getting high, and cheating behind my back. I found out about "the other girl" months later when we started our new lives at KI Sawyer AFB. We were engaged to be married at the time. The plan was to hide out with him until my 16th birthday, and then my parents would sign for me to get married.
But within one week after moving into our new trailer, he tried to force me to go to a party. "No, I'm not going to some party with her and other people I don't know!" That was the first and last time I stood up to him. Within minutes I was a bloody mess, picking myself up off the floor. He threatened me if I told anyone what happened he'd kill me, forced me to get cleaned up, put make up on, and get ready. Knowing he meant what he said, I did what he wanted.
And of course later, several hours later, he said he was sorry. I believed him. Enough to marry him six months later. But on our wedding night, he drank nearly a fifth of whiskey, was hanging all over other women and girls, and beat me worse than I'd ever been beaten.
Again, he apologized and promised he wouldn't drink so much and blamed it on the alcohol. This went on and on. I was fooling myself thinking I could change him or that he'd change on his own.
He never changed. Instead the beatings got worse and worse, until he nearly killed me. Luckily I escaped with my life. And if you're reading this, chances are you're trapped in the cycle of abuse too. But you're still alive. You can get out before it's too late and get help.
I stayed way too long. But thankfully I did get away. Some are not so fortunate.
I wrote a book "Run For Your Life" to share my story and how I got free. If you know a runaway teen, an abused/battered woman, someone in a dating violent relationship, please, please, please, please GET this book for them today and encourage them to get help before it's too late.
*HURRY FREE BOOK OFFER BELOW*
You can get "Run For Your Life" online today @ my website: http://www.runtolife.org. or send $14.95 plus $4.00 shipping and handling to: Lisa Freeman, Run For Your Life, PO Box 1582, Owosso, MI 48867. In fact I will send all 3 books in the series for the price of 1. Just mention this offer when ordering. Offer for a limited time only, so HURRY. Although I usually try to get books shipped the same day orders come in, please allow 2-4 weeks for delivery.
Warning Signs Of Being Trapped In The Cycle Of Abuse
-Your bf/gf/spouse doesn't want you to hang out with your friends/family
-Your bf/gf/spouse tries to isolate you
-Your bf/gf/spouse is controlling
-Your bf/gf/spouse is verbally abusive to you in private or around your friends
-Your bf/gf/spouse is physically abusive (hits, kicks, slaps, pushes, etc)
-Your bf/gf/spouse is sexually abusive (forces you to do acts you don't want to do, touches you)
-Your bf/gf/spouse is emotionally abusive (controls you, who you hang out with, where you go, what you do, or gives you the silent treatment, or manipulates you)
-Your bf/gf/spouse is jealous
-Your bf/gf/spouse forces you into doing things you don't want to do
-Your bf/gf/spouse threatens if you leave they'll hurt you or themselves
-Your bf/gf/spouse says they're sorry and never will do it again
So continues the cycle of abuse. If you are in a relationship and your bf/gf/spouse is doing even one of those things, tell someone, get help, make a plan of escape before it's too late. Chances are it will only get worse.
This is another current story of a woman trapped in abuse most of her life and how she escaped barely with her life, having to leave her poor children behind.
Jeremiah, my youngest son, now a junior in high school, surprised me a few weeks ago. "Mom, I want to try to go back to school."
The courage rendered in his voice, along with the positive changes I'd seen in the past six months, made tears come to my eyes. He'd come so far. Could he really go back and rise above the peer pressure, bullying, and verbal abuse? I swallowed hard, trying to hold back my emotion.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I'd like to try."
The past year of torment he suffered--we suffered, flashed before my eyes. I rationed... But he is 16, I have to let him make his own decision. My heart raged... No, not again!
As Jeremiah went out to shoot hoops I sat in silence, pondering all the things that had happened over the past year. It all began on the first day of school, when a couple kids started calling him names.
Within minutes, Jeremiah got really sick, his face turned gray, he was all sweaty, and couldn't breath. We later learned at the hospital that he had suffered a full blown panic attack. Since I'd battled panic too, I completely understood how scary having an episode can be, especially when you don't know what's happening. Still we tried to encourage him that he needed to go back to school to overcome this thing.
But every day as the bullying increased, so did his level of anxiety. We called for an emergency IEP meeting at school, and brainstormed with all the professionals.
The doctors, social workers and therapists all tried to come up with a solution to keep him in school. Nothing they suggested alleviated the stress or the deep depression that would soon follow. We wanted him schooled at home from the beginning, because the pressure was just too much. But all the professionals told us that the best thing for Jeremiah and his panic disorder was that he stay in school. In a way I knew they were right--to overcome panic you can't keep yourself isolated, but at the same time, he would need to feel safe and be in a safe place, without being bullied, while healing.
So, under a doctors care, Jeremiah started taking prescribed medication for anxiety. They even tweaked his schedule so he'd only have to go half days. We were hopeful with the new meds and schedule everything would get better, but little did we know our son was on a downward spiral.
Not only did the bullying and verbal abuse at school continue and intensify to the point that his life was threatened, but he started cutting and became suicidal. (I later learned that he had wrapped a belt around his neck 3 times!) He was crying out for help, yet none of us were listening to pain he suffered in silence, behind closed doors.
Thankfully, one night he opened up to me. When I found out everything he was going through, I was heartbroken, devastated, and had no idea what to do. Here we sat helplessly, with our totally despondent tearful son in the padded room at Emergency searching for answers. He had so much depression and shame he wouldn't even look the doctor in the eye as he answered questions.
I shook my head in disbelief. How did we get here? It didn't seem real. With all the medical professionals, the whole school board, and two parents who loved their child more than anything, how could this possibly happen? I felt we had failed Jeremiah and everyone around us had failed him too. I was an abuse advocate traveling to all these schools, teaching kids how to get out of abuse, and here I sat dumbfounded.
But I wasn't giving up, and thankfully neither was Jeremiah.
In November I told the school, doctors, and social workers I'd had enough. "Jeremiah is going to be home schooled and that is final." By this point, no one was arguing. Still, the only way his counselor would allow it is if Jeremiah did not isolate himself. So over the next several months, we made an effort to get Jeremiah out into the public with peers his own age. Jeremiah fought panic, bullying, and abuse everywhere he went, but he overcame every obstacle in his way!
It has been a very long road, but today Jeremiah is healthy, happy, hanging out with a bunch of teens, he sings in our program at schools to help others, plays on softball and basketball teams, and is just enjoying life.
Now, a new school year, and all I could think is, no, we can't go back! Not that the public school is a bad place, (my three older children graduated from the same public school with honors!) just that the bullying and abuse was so brutal for Jeremiah. So I really prayed about the situation, "Okay God if it's your will for Jeremiah to go back to the public school, then fine, so be it, but if not and he's better off here, please let him make the right decision."
A few days after I prayed that prayer, Jeremiah came to me. "Mom, is it okay if I change my mind? I've been thinking about everything and I just feel that I should stay home."
I gave him a huge hug! "Of course it's okay!
The best part is, he made the decision on his own, and this year the school, counselors and doctors are totally supporting that decision too, and he'll be able to travel with us to other schools and share his story of survival and hope!
For more on bullying and verbal abuse--read our Feature Story "No More Hiding" a true story I wrote for Guideposts about a teen girl who was teased, but instead of being crushed, she rose above it all... story can be found @ (www.abusebites.com) on our What's New Page...
