Puppy & Dog Classes Huge Success!

All the puppy and dogs in Lisa Freeman’s Dogs that Heel & Heal classes received certificates. The six week classes ran from the first of April through mid-May. Handlers and their dogs learned everything from basic commands such as come and sit to more advanced techniques such as leave it and staying with a safe stranger. On the final night of class there was a test.

“All the pups and dogs in our three classes did very well,” Freeman says. “The owners worked really hard. We had eight puppies in our AKC Star Puppy Class. Six came to the last night of testing. All passed. Two of our puppies and six of our dogs even passed the AKC Canine Good Citizen (CGC) Test. Three are going on to do pet therapy work, and one is being trained as a service dog.”

Sadly, a few of the dogs and handlers missed the last class.

Bill & Kelly Batchelor couldn’t make it due to a family emergency. “I offered to mail their certificate to them,” Freeman said. “But Bill wanted to show me what his Golden, Jagger could do.” Although Jagger should have been in Freeman’s basic obedience class from the get-go, due to Bill’s work schedule, he ended up with the more advanced group. “Jagger would barely sit or obey any commands in the beginning and really pulled on the leash,” Freeman said, “but Bill was very patient and persistent and by the end of class, Jagger was sitting, heeling, staying, and on that last night he was even downing on command!”

Needless to say, Jagger was voted “Most Improved” in Freeman’s Advance Obedience Class, even though he wasn’t quite ready to pass the CGC test.

“They are all such wonderful dogs and people,” Freeman said. “If it was up to me, I’d pass them all. But there are strict guidelines for the AKC CGC that as an evaluator I have to follow.”

Freeman will be offering more group classes in September and hopes to include agility. In the meantime she is working privately with owners on bad behaviors, aggression, bolting, and all levels of obedience, pet therapy, and service dog training. 

She will also be at the Owosso Bark Park one Saturday each month for some free tips and training on how to make your dog safer and free from aggression. For more information, please check out her website @ www.abusebites.com..

Bullies, the Joke is On You!

I love to joke around and laugh more than anyone. But I realize now, that what I may view as funny, may be the brunt of someone else's pain. It took me some time to see that many of my jokes were hurtful insults to others.

If we look at comedians today like Larry the Cable Guy, Eddie Murphy, George Lopez, and many others, their stand up shows all have one thing in common--they're belittling or bullying someone to make others laugh. Don't get me wrong, these are some of my favorites. BUT while their jokes can be hysterically funny, not everyone is amused... no, rather abused.

Pranks are funny too. I've played pranks and practical jokes on nearly everyone I've known. Most of them pranks were harmless. But a prank that happened recently in West Branch Michigan to a high school student, Whitney Kropp, wasn't so innocent. No, her pranksters set out to embarrass, humiliate and chastise her in front of her whole school.

They nominated her for homecoming court as a practical joke. A teenage prank. Seemed innocent enough. They'd all get a good laugh.

Whitney learned of the prank and was horrifically humiliated and even wanted to end her precious life. Her pranksters probably thought they had the upper hand. What a joke!

BUT thankfully, her school, her city, and her entire community came together to support her and she defeated her bullies and won! She didn't retaliate, she simply stood up for herself, and she wore her crown proudly that night!

Now the whole world is supporting her!

In honor of National Anti-Bullying Month--October--My hearts cry is that every school, city, and community would stand together like this against all forms of bullying and set the innocent victims free.

Whitney Kropp is a SURVIVOR!

Bullies, the joke is on you!

Written by: Lisa Freeman, Motivational Bully Speaker in Michigan, CEO of Abuse Bites, Healing Projects Specialist Bully Police USA

Anti-Bullying Rally in Flint

We held an Anti-Bullying Rally in Flint yesterday!

Rocking the Violence Out Of Flint was amazing!

Ryan LoRee from Team Revelation Gym put the event together. He had talked to some people out at Walmart when we were doing our fundraising event there and that's when he got in touch with us about speaking and doing our Abuse Bites presentation. Anything to team up with others to stop abuse, bullying and violence! 

Together we can do this!

Ryan (above) founded Team Revelation a non-profit judo/wrestling type place to give free instructions and mentoring to troubled kids and youth! Kudos Ryan!

Ryan's two beautiful little girls fell in love our Yorkie, Lover.

This little boy stopped to play with Lover.

This boy's little sister was afraid of dogs...

At first she even turned her head away and wouldn't look at him...

But then I actually got her to play with Lover!

Great Things Happened All Day! And we met some really amazing people!

The Judge William Crawford (right) and a Respite Volunteer from a local shelter.

A lady & her daughter are entering our Free Book Drawing! We donated a whole box of books so that everyone who entered could win!

Judge Crawford stayed longer than he intended just to do the special honor of signing Brian's Memory Quilt! It was a very emotional moment!

The man behind the judge is making a documentary about this event.

We played some fun interactive games!

These Kids Learned How to FIGHT BACK to Stop Bullying!

Then I had the privilege of sharing "The Change Of Heart Program" in memory of my precious son, Brian. And I could not believe the results! People were coming up to me, one by one, telling me what a difference my speech made in their lives. WOW!

This young man came up after and confessed he had been a bully until the 8th grade, but had since asked forgiveness from his victims. He also explained that he often spent the night at his cousins house when he was younger and they would bully him and his brother, so he thought he had to fight like them to be cool. I gave him a hug and thanked him for sharing.

Another young man had a shirt on that said "I love Haters" and he was so loving, but said to me, "I shouldn't have worn this shirt probably to something like this." I said, "I love your shirt, and I love Haters too! With people like you and I they will learn to be Lovers!" And he gave me a hug! He works with the Reach program to help troubled youth.

A woman came up and thanked me. She said her husband wasn't going to attend the event at all, but at the last minute changed his mind. Later he told her, "I think I was meant to here this lady speak, it really touched my heart." This man had been bullied and abused his entire life!

Several others thanked me as well and were really happy about what we're doing.

But the grand finale and best part is when Jeremiah sang, "We Are The Body" by Casting Crowns. It's the first time in quite awhile he's sang in front of a crowd. 

Just to think, a month ago Jeremiah nearly committed suicide, but God spared him and is using him once again to change hearts and save lives! This is one proud mamma, excited about taking this message forth!

Thanks Ryan Loree, Team Revelation, and The Bridge Church for allowing us this great opportunity to present at your 1st Rocking the Violence Out of Flint Benefit! May we do even more awesome things together next year!

Written by: Lisa Freeman, CEO of AbuseBites.com, offering healing anti-bullying workshops to schools, workplaces, and communities. More Info 

3rd Annual CHANGE Benefit to Stop BULLYING A Success!

Fighting abuse, bullying and violence can be a very long, lonely road at times. Many times the advocate can still take the brunt of bullying to try to push through prejudice barriers and strongholds. This hasn't been an easy battle for me, but it has been rewarding to see the CHANGED HEARTS & SAVED LIVES!

Yesterday, we celebrated the Abuse Bites 3rd Annual CHANGE Benefit! Although not a lot of people came out, due to another awesome event in town being planned for the same day and time, it was a success!

Success can be measured in a variety of ways, not just how many people came to our event or how much money was raised. I was a 7th grade middle school drop out, abused runaway, who was kidnapped, beaten, raped, forced into human trafficking, and nearly killed many times. Later I suffered through two horrifically abusive marriages (one physical, the other sexual and psychological).

BUT, after all that, at the age of 26 God healed me, delivered me, restored me, and called me to be a warrior. That's the day I STARTED FIGHTING THIS WAR ON ABUSE, BULLYING AND VIOLENCE. I've overcome many obstacles in my path such as post traumatic stress syndrome, panic and agoraphobia. Then I went onto college, graduated with a degree in Christian Ministry, became an award winning author, certified pet therapist and dog trainer, founded two non-profits, raised over $20,000 for needy and abused people and pets, And I'm not finished yet!

Although these have been great successes, the biggest success is knowing that when we go into the schools and communities to do our CHANGE workshops, that more than 85% of the students and even adults stand and come forth, deciding to make a change in their own lives, and knowing they can be the CHANGE for others!

Abuse, Bullying and Violence is all about making a CHANGE in our own lives, to impact others. Won't you stand with us today and be that CHANGE?

Now a word of thanks to all the angels who helped bring this about!

 Special thanks goes out to our Volunteers like Ashley Thornton (below), who is so passionate to help, that even though she had a sprained ankle, she showed up and gave it her all! Thanks Ashley! We love and appreciate you!

Special Thanks to Thomas Dignan!

A great man of our community, Thomas Dignan, even found time in his busy schedule to come out and support us. Why? Because he's passionate about changing hearts and saving lives and stopping bullying!

Thank you Thom! You've got my vote!

Adults and kids alike received awesome prices thanks to our awesome sponsors. 

Thank you Bob Evans...

Thanks Plush Pup...

Our children guests thank DONNA'S REFLECTIONS...

Everyone loved the Prime Time Pizza & Bread!

and we thank GiGi's for the Drinks!

Of course we give special thanks to The 401 South Restaurant 

for their Delicious Cookies!

And kudos to the other great sponsors like Big John Steak & Onion, Maurices, Treasures, Jumbo's, Gilbert's True Value, Janelle's Family Restaurant, Mancinos, Crave Bakery, Wendy's, Burger King, Capitol Bowl, and Crave! 

and to the Glo Kids Team for the Carnival & Face Painting!

Together we are all CHANGING hearts and saving lives! 

Healing Hearts

It wasn't the news we'd hoped for. Brian, 15, had already been through so much. In the past two years he'd nearly died over a dozen times. He was in the hospital more than at home. I stared at his lifeless body, hooked up to so many tubes, wires, monitors, and I.V.'s.

Tears streamed down my cheeks.

Here it was a week after his 5^th open-heart surgery and he still couldn't breathe on his own. Normally he'd bounce right back. Not this time. When they tried to take the ventilator out, he flopped like a fish.

I told the nurse right away. "That's not normal. He doesn't usually breathe like that. Something's wrong." But she insisted he'd be fine. Later, they took an x-ray.

"His diaphragm was paralyzed during the surgery and now it's pressing up against the right lung," the heart surgeon said. "Usually the diaphragm will come back and begin working on its own. We'll give it a few days."

But later that day, Brian's heart rate dropped down to 23 and they nearly lost him. Apparently the special mapping they tried to do during the 16 hour surgery hadn't worked and his rhythm problems were even worse.

"We'll need to perform emergency surgery," the surgeon explained. "It's risky, but he needs a pacemaker and he needs it now. Once they get that placed, he'll have the other surgery on the diaphragm."

Three major surgeries in one week. Wow! He was already in such a weak, critical state. All any of us could do was pray. And we prayed hard.

 Brian was born with only two chambers in his heart. At that time doctors had told us he'd only live to be a year old. Although he'd been critically ill for the first two years of life, he had surpassed all the odds. And by the time he turned three, he was raring to go. He rode his bike, rollerbladed, and swam like a fish.

Then, at 13, all of that suddenly changed. He started getting winded just walking up a few stairs, and had to stop frequently while we were out on family bike rides. His heart, we learned, was only functioning at 40%. They claimed he needed another surgery. I figured, he'd have it, get better, go home, and he'd be as good as new again.

Sadly, after that surgery at 13, his condition only grew worse. No one in the family had a clue. No one that is, except for our formerly abused, rescue dog, Snickers. He would not leave Brian's side for a second. He slept in his bed at night, stayed with him during the day on the couch, and even followed him to the kitchen. 

"You know the rules," I scolded. "Now go lay down!" But Snickers was persistent. He hovered right by the doorway to the kitchen on all fours. His eyes fixed on Brian. I was starting to lose my patience with that dog!

Just as Brian tried to eat his macaroni and cheese, his head flopped onto the table. With bright red cheeks, sweat dripping from his forehead, and hardly able to speak he gasped, "I can't breathe!"

While I ran to the phone to call 9-1-1, Snickers ran to his side and stayed there until the paramedics arrived. I was surprised to find the macaroni and cheese still on the plate at the edge of the table when I grabbed my purse to follow them out.

That's when I realized Snickers wasn't interested in the food at all, he was concerned about Brian. He knew long before I did that something was wrong and he was trying to tell me.

Brian continued having close calls and bouts with tachycardia (heart rate above 200) and even bradycardia (heart rate under 50). Again, during that two year time span, Snickers rarely left Brian's side.

Strange, Snickers had ran under my van a few months before Brian got sick. I had said we would only keep him for the night. Back then I tried everything to get rid of that dog. I called the pound, they were full. I tried to lose him on a walk, he found his way back. I placed an ad in the paper, and by the time his real owner called to claim him, I was totally and hopelessly in love with him, as well as my entire family. Thankfully she allowed us to keep him.

But never in a million years would I have imagined what a huge healing role this new member of our family would play in Brian's healing.

Back in the waiting room at Detroit Children's Hospital, the surgeon finally came out. "Everything went well," he said. "The pacemaker's in, the diaphragm fixed, and Brian's in recovery. You'll be able to see him soon."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

We couldn't have gotten better news. We hadn’t been home in nearly a month, and I knew we needed to pay bills. So, after seeing that Brian was stable, we went home to take care of business. I decided while we were there to make a family video for him. I went all over to see his cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles and taped everyone I could think of. I even did a small clip with Snickers.

When we returned to the hospital, things didn't look good.

They had weaned Brian from the ventilator, but now he was hacking and coughing uncontrollably, from the fluid on his lungs. He began vomiting too. The doctors ran more tests. With those tests came more bad news.

"I'm sorry," the doctor said, "but your son has Pancreatitis." He explained that it was an inflammation and infection of the pancreas and could be quite serious, especially with Brian's underlying heart condition, and all the surgeries he'd just been through. They went on to say that he might not pull through. Every day was touch and go.

We soon learned the only way to cure pancreatitis is to not eat and wait it out. Brian hadn't eaten for nearly three weeks. When I told him he couldn't eat, he cried and begged me to take him home. "I just want to see Snickers, please," he said in between coughs. "Can't I go home, please?!"

"I know, honey," I said, giving him a huge hug. "I want to take you home to see Snickers too, but you need to get well first."

At that moment I felt totally helpless.

Later that day I remembered the video I'd made. I thought it might cheer him up to see everyone. So I plugged it in and pressed play. He didn't seem too enthused by it at first, until it got to the part about Snickers. When he saw Snickers sitting on his bed, wagging his tail, tears rolled down his cheeks.

Within twenty-four hours of watching that video, Brian's condition greatly improved and he was moved out of ICU. One week later he was even discharged from the hospital. Our three kids threw him a huge homecoming party. All our close relatives were there. When he opened the door they all yelled, "Surprise!"

But the best surprise Brian got was Snickers bolting to the door, so excited to see him, he licked his entire face.

I'm not going to tell you that life has been perfect for Brian or us since then. Actually there have been some really rough times. Brian was on the heart transplant list for five years, but thanks to Snickers, he became fairly healthy and lived at home most of that time. At the age of 22, Brian was healthier than he'd been in years! He was working out at the YMCA a few times a week, walking Snickers around the neighborhood every day, and he'd even lost 42 pounds!

Sadly, Brian suddenly passed away one morning due to a blood clot in his leg. But even then Snickers was right by his side comforting him. He even attended the visitation and funeral, giving love and affection to all who were there.

I know now with all my heart that Snickers was born to bring healing and comfort to others. I'm so glad he chose to run under my van that day!

Snickers has been a Certified Pet Therapy Dog through Therapy Dogs International for seven years now. He's won numerous awards for his therapy visits, raised over $20,000 for needy and abused people and pets, but his greatest gift to others is that fact that he continues to heal hearts everywhere his paws go.

The Runaway Abused Dog That Rescued Me

I was driving home on slushy, nasty roads from my daughter's basketball game. When all of a sudden, a little brown pooch darted under my van. I slammed on the brakes, and slid to a stop. My heart sank.

Frantic, Melissa and I jumped out and looked under the van.

"Oh God, please let the little guy be okay!"

The small wet bundle of straggly fur sprang out from under the van and hopped right into Melissa's arms. I smiled to see he was okay. Melissa took that as a signal to pop the old familiar question.

"Can we keep him, Mom? Please!"

That's when I caught a glimpse of her brand new white basketball shirt. It was covered in black muddy paw prints! All I could think is, "That shirt is never gonna come clean!"

Besides, I didn't want a dog.

Let me explain. I'm not some heartless, cold, ruthless animal hater. No, I totally love animals. BUT I had four hyperactive kids with special needs, a husband, and a brand new house. I had enough cleaning to do, and I wanted the house to stay exactly like it was, brand new.

My number one rule was no pets. The kids knew better than to ask. I'd always say the same thing.

"No!"

But I also knew this dog was shivering, cold, and wet, and if he stayed there much longer on that busy street, he would be road kill. "We can't keep him, but we can't leave him here either."

Melissa smiled big as she carried him up into the van. "Can we keep him for the night, then?"

"Maybe for one night," I agreed, "if you give him a bath."

"Yes!" She grinned from ear to ear. "Isn't he cute, Mom?"

I nodded. Undeniably, he was cute. But with the heat turned up full blast in the van, the smell of wet dog was overpowering all my senses.

Once we were home, the excitement began. All four kids crowded into the bathroom, splashing around, shouting with glee, giggles echoing about. I had this warm mushy feeling like I had made the right decision to let the dog stay. "What could one one night hurt?"

Then I caught a glimpse of it! Those same muddy paw prints I had seen on Melissa's shirt had now worked their way through the entire house, onto each of my brand new floora, and even onto my new couch! I couldn't contain myself any longer.

"DOWN!" I commanded firmly, as I gave the pooch a shove.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, he did the unthinkable! He lowered his bottom to my brand new carpeting, while lifting his tail, and began scooting his rear across the floor. The kids laughed. I wanted to scream!

"Oh no you don't!"

I picked him up, set him outside, and slammed the door. The kids began whining and crying, begging me to let him back in, but I had made up my mind. A few minutes later a knock came at our door.

"Here's your dog," our neighbor said, "he wandered over into our yard."

I smiled sweetly and took the pup. What else could I do? I didn't want to look like an animal hater. So, I decided to stick with the original plan, but that backfired too.

"I'm sorry," the lady at the Humane Society said, "but we're full." She told me I could place an ad in the newspaper and if nobody claimed him after five days I could keep him.

I don't want him!

I placed the ad, praying that someone would call and soon. The phone couldn't have been quieter. And the annoying little pooch followed me everywhere. Like a magnet he was stuck to my heels. When I sat at the computer, he laid under my desk. While trying to fix dinner, I tripped over him. Later, when I went to bed, he sat at the edge staring up at me with these sad, puppy dog eyes. He even followed me to the bathroom!

He was cute, but I wasn't budging!

Finally, after three days, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I leashed him up, took him to a good neighborhood about two miles from our house, and let him loose. I lost him quick and sped home. Walking into the yard, I announced to my husband proudly that I had gotten rid of the dog and hopefully he'd find a new home.

My husband, John, shook his head in disgust and said, "You might want to turn around."

I couldn't believe my eyes! Here was that dog, huffing and puffing walking up the driveway. He was determined to find his back back to me, a person who did everything in their power to lose him. My heart broke.

From that moment on, I fell hopelessly in love with him, picked him into my arms, and told the kids we were keeping him. They named him "Buddy."

Two days later, we came home from church to a message on our machine.

"I think you have my dog."

My heart sank worse than it did that first day when I thought I had hit Buddy with my van. Before saying a word to the kids, I called the lady back. She told me the dog's name was "Snickers" and he had ran away nearly a week ago. Sure enough, his ears perked right up when I called his name, and he came running to me. My heart hurt even more.

After I hung up, I broke the news to the kids. We all huddled together in a blanket of tears surrounding him. So strange how a dog I couldn't wait to get rid of a couple of days ago, had formed such a bond with me and our family that we couldn't bear to let go.

When the lady came to pick him up, he didn't run toward her, instead he hung his head and cowered in my kids arms in the middle of our living room floor. She explained how she had two other dogs, three kids, and one on the way.

"You can just have him," she said, as she handed me his shot record. "He bit me anyways." She showed us a huge scar going up her arm. This made me think there must have been some sort of abuse in the home, probably the reason why Snickers had run away in the first place.

I was shocked by the whole thing. We thanked her from the bottom of our hearts, overjoyed we got to keep him. After she left, I began to put the pieces together. Snickers had never even growled at me, my husband, or our four hyperactive kids the whole time he had been with us. And looking back, when I dumped him off on that walk, he was actually closer to his original home than he was ours, and yet he insisted on going the distance to find his way to us.

Snickers bonded with me instantly. Now I know why. We were meant to be together. Sort of like soul mates. We were both abused runaways. He came into my life to heal me, my family, and has went on to heal many others.

We've now had Snickers for twelve amazing years. During that time Snickers has become an Award-Winning Certified Pet Therapy Dog through Therapy Dogs International (after only ten days of training), he has worked to train other dogs and handlers how to become certified, he has served as the Mascot and "Bully Buster" of our Abuse Bites program to stop abuse and bullying, he won Mayor of the Shiawassee Humane Society for raising the most funds/votes ($5,000) for needy and abused pets, he helped raise over $20,000 for needy and abused people and pets locally, and he has put on an amazing trick presentation for kids all over Michigan at events in schools, libraries, and hospitals.

I thought I was rescuing Snickers that day on the side of the road, but really he was rescuing me. I may have had a brand new house when I met him, but he is truly what has made our house a home.

Battered Men Speak Out!

We often hear about women being victims of domestic abuse and assault, but rarely about battered men.

Just like women, men can be victims or targets of verbal, physical, and even sexual abuse. Statistics say that 40% of domestic violence victims are male and 2 in 5 domestic abuse victims are male. Men assaulted by their partners are often ignored by police, watch their attacker go free, and have less places of refuge to go. More Info

While there is a lot of help out there for women and children, the intervention for men in these situations is scarce, if at all.

Living Well and Just Tell are two great organizations that realize the desperate need to help both boys and men who have suffered through sexual assaults in their lives.

Others like the West Lindsey Domestic Abuse Service have for the first time hired a male board member, and now will offer domestic support for men too. Although this is a change for the better, more change needs to come. Right now in most places, women and children who are abused are the only ones who can get help with shelter and food, while men are still left alone and out in the cold to fend for themselves.

Due to this crisis, many men suffer in silence, afraid to speak up. Either due to stereotypes put on them, or just because no one listens or wants to help. Being abused can be humiliating and embarrassing for anyone, but especially for men. Read Story

Ian Burly, 46, who is nearly 6 feet tall and a mountain of a man, compared to his partner Michelle Williamson just 5 feet. But the abuse Burly suffered by Williamson, is incomprehensible. Over the course of a year, Williamson scalded him with a steam iron, poured boiling water over his genitals, thrust lit cigarettes up his nose and stubbed them into his chest, and she smashed a gin bottle in his mouth — on top of numerous every day punches and beatings she threw at him. Instead of reporting it, Burly felt ashamed and embarrassed, so he hid it from everyone. Read Story

Royce Ali, 45, is a victim of domestic violence too. But thankfully he reported the abuse. And his partner of four years, Andrea Madden, 29, was found guilty of “wounding with intent”, for stabbing him repeatedly, and is now serving a seven year sentence. He says he was addressing an issue with her about taking too many diet pills. A heated argument erupted. She grabbed a 10 inch blade, and began cutting his arm and chest. “No one should put up with domestic violence, man or woman,” Mr. Ali says. Read Story

I can’t agree with him more.

Another incident involved Noreen Jessamine Weetra, 35, a mother of seven, who, she claims, was choked by her husband. She stated that in self-defense, she grabbed a knife, stabbed, and killed him. However, according to an earlier report, she’s no innocent woman either, having a past conviction of domestic violence herself which was suspended after only serving five years.  Obviously both she and her husband needed help. Read Story

Kids are even getting caught in the crossfire in domestic abuse. One daughter says her father always called police about his ex-wife, "She constantly harassed us, with threatening phone calls. She threatened to burn our house down, kill us, left messages on machines threatening my daddy, and trespassed on the property at his job." Read Story

Something needs to be done and soon. Our legal system is lacking. If we aren’t able to bring the help, healing, and aid that these victims need, we’ll see even more abuse or worse!

Abuse Bites is a non-profit organization that works to raise awareness, educate, and bring safety, prevention, and healing methods to victims, bystanders, and abusers. Our goal is to offer FREE HEALING WORKSHOPS. Please support our cause today.

Written by: Lisa Freeman, Founder & CEO of Abuse Bites, Lifelong Abuse Survivor & Advocate, Award-Winning Author & Speaker, Certified Pet Therapist & Dog Trainer

More Info /Help On Men’s Domestic Violence

Just Tell

Help for Battered Men

Male Victims of Domestic Violence

Men’s Resource Center of West Michigan

Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women
Domestic violence against men: Know the signs
Help and support for male victims of domestic violence 
MY STORY: Male victim of domestic violence speaks out
The day my wife beat me up because she hated my haircut

Special Kids Have Special Hearts

Changing Hearts & Saving Lives--

In Loving Memory of my precious son, Brian

Admittedly, having four children of varying disabilities wasn’t easy. Raising them turned out to be an even greater task. However, I wouldn’t have changed a single day of it for any other child in the world!

Robert, my eldest seemed perfect from the day he was born. He ate well and slept even better. Twelve hours straight through the night at three weeks old. Who knew parenting could be this easy! His motor skills seemed fine; he grabbed things, rolled over, and even began crawling at around 8 months old. Developmentally, though he showed signs of struggle. Since he was still only crawling at a year and a half old, I became concerned, wondering if he’d ever walk. But by the age of two, and just the time our second child, Melissa was born, he was walking fine.

Melissa was a handful from the get-go! Obviously nothing was wrong with her development. She was into literally everything and expected me to catch her when she dove off the couch or jumped from the top of the stairs. Tragically I didn’t always get there in time. And it didn’t matter how many child safe gates I put in place, she could get past any barricade.

Soon after Melissa turned a year old, we had another beautiful baby boy, Brian. 

Brian was way different than the other two. He cried a lot, acted starving, but would fall asleep as soon as he began suckling at my breast. There were other weird symptoms that left me unsettled too. He coughed, sneezed, and breathed funny. I must have called the hospital every day, only to be assured that everything he was doing was normal. Still my motherly intuition would not be convinced.

Finally at three weeks old, I took him to see a pediatrician. I’m so glad I did! We were only in the room mere minutes when she detected his life threatening condition. “You need to take him up to ER right away for blood tests and x-rays,” Dr. VanVloten said. “He has a hole in his heart. It can be a small one, with an underlying infection making it sound bigger. Or it could be a very large hole. I won’t know until these tests are done.”

So many disturbing thoughts raced through my mind as we hurried to the hospital. I’d only heard of one other baby having a hole in their heart and that child was given a baboons heart and didn’t live long. Oh, God please no!

Thankfully Brian didn’t have infection along with the huge hole in his heart. His condition was life threatening enough on its own. He was transferred to Ingham Medical Center in Lansing where they diagnosed him with Tricuspid Atresia and Transposition of the Great Artery, which meant he only had two chambers in his heart, with a single functioning ventricle, and that the good blood and bad blood were mixing together and flooding his lungs.

In his first two months of life, he had two surgeries, one open heart to put a banding in pulmonary artery to restrict blood flow in the lungs, and the second to enlarge the aorta so that moderate blood flow could reach his lower extremities. Even then, doctors weren’t sure if Brian would live to see his first birthday.

Life was just a little crazy! On top of Brian’s special dietary needs and medical needs to keep him stable and thriving, we learned Robert had A.D.D. and Melissa had dyslexia and severe emotional impairments.

Three special needs children all under the age of three. Honestly, it was a little stressing to say the least. But we got to watch from the sidelines as each of our children climbed through each obstacle and hurdle in their path to accomplish what teachers, nurses and doctors said they never would.

Melissa couldn’t read, but she fooled us, because she memorized all of her favorite books. So I didn’t know about her true dyslexic issues until she was much older. And Robert was held back twice in first grade because he couldn’t write all the letters of the alphabet. One teacher even embarrassed him and called him dumb in front of the whole class. Back then there wasn’t much done about bullying, so we dealt with it the best we could.

As time went on I had baby number four! 

Jeremiah came into the world sweeter than pie. But after falling out of a cart at Walmart and hitting his forehead on a curb stop, he had a severe head injury, and battled extreme psychological conditions. At the age of three, he was brutally attacking our older children. By the age of five he was getting kicked out of school for hurting others. He was diagnosed with everything from A.D.H.D. and O.C.D to O.D.D. and Bi-Polar. A psychiatrist evaluated him weekly and wrote prescriptions to treat everything from bed wetting to mood swings and sleep disorders.

Jeremiah was only getting worse, and he even chased our kids through the house with a knife. We continued fasting, praying and doing everything humanly possible to make him better. Finally when he was eight years old, he was healed, after a couple came and spoke at our church and laid hands on him for healing. Within days he was off all the medications and did amazingly well. The principle even called to say what a difference he’d seen in him.

While we were taking Jeremiah for therapy, we learned that Brian had Asperger’s Syndrome, which is a rare form of autism, something that was hardly heard of twenty-four years ago when he was born. This made Brian even more different. I loved that difference though. He was much more aware of things I took for granted. His sense of touch, smell, and sound were amplified.

I can remember taking Brian into Meijer’s with me when he was about three or four (before we knew he had Asperger’s Syndrome) and he spread his arms like an airplane and began touching all the clothes hanging up. Then he suddenly stopped when he got to a very large pregnant woman and began outlining her belly with his hands. Thankfully she smiled. Still a little embarrassed, I apologized and tried to explain to Brian that he needed to be more careful what he touched.

No matter how many warnings I gave him, Brian was his own person. His sensory skills were over functioning. So he touched everything, even our new flat top range when the burner was red hot. Thankfully he wasn’t burned badly. He also loved to smell things, especially foods, and began cooking thanks to his father’s culinary skills. He would make finger and hand motions along with swishing sounds like airplanes whizzing through the air. His ears were very sensitive and disliked loud noises. His eyes were drawn to every dictionary, Bible, and Discovery Channel ever made. I was baffled by all the knowledge he often shared.

Yet, because my children were gifted with what I call amazing special abilities, they were often sought out by others and made targets for bullying or to be left out and not included. I somewhat understood the school bullying, but when it even happened at church after church, I was disheartened.

Sadly, my kids (nor I) had many friends growing up. Still we had each other. I didn’t focus on what they couldn’t do, but always told them they could do anything they set their minds to. The only limits we have are the limits we put on ourselves.

Even though there were some major challenges, all four of my children graduated from high school—even Brian—with honors!

Brian amazed me the most. When he was bullied severely in school I was so upset and wanted to let them have it. But Brian had a change of heart, and instead of taking revenge on his bullies, he loved and forgave them. He wanted the bullying to stop, and to help victims, bystanders, and even bullies to change. He knew they could change with the right help, and realized very young, that bullying is simply a behavior, not who a person is.

Brian was on the heart transplant list for five years, yet he wanted to travel with our Abuse Bites Program and go all over the USA to take this healing message of hope to others. He often said, “Mom, you can’t go without me. Besides, the doctors aren’t going to give me a heart anyway, God is, and I want to help others.”

Just as we were getting ready to go on this mission, Brian passed away. Soon after we found a change jar he’d been saving. It was then that we knew we were to collect change, so we could go all over like Brian wanted, to change hearts and save lives.

Having a child, like Brian, literally changed my heart and saved my life. I am so much different and better because of him (and all of my children). Looking through his eyes, I’m able to be totally loving, accepting and understanding of every single person out there, even the seemingly unlovable ones, those we often refer to as “bullies”.

Written by:

Lisa Freeman, Founder & CEO of Abuse Bites (a non-profit organization to stop abuse, bullying and violence), Lifelong Abuse Survivor & Advocate, Healing Projects Specialist for Bully Police USA, Award-Winning Author & Speaker, Certified Pet Therapist & Dog Trainer

Website: http://www.abusebites.com / We offer healing workshops to stop abuse, bullying and violence—bringing CHANGE to all in memory of Brian.

Abuse Bites Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/abusebites

Lisa Freeman’s Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/lisa.a.freeman