Kids & Teens Stand Up to Bullying in Chesaning Michigan

Yesterday we presented our Abuse Bites Anti-Bullying Program to nearly 500 Students in the Chesaning Michigan Middle School. This was just half of the crowd! And it was an awesome time! These students learned how to stand up to bullying.

(Faces are blurred due to FERPA laws)

This is Snickers (below), our 13 year old Fox Terrier/Jack Russel who was a formerly abused/runaway that I rescued 12 years ago. He's the mascot of our program (AKA "The Bully Buster") and an award-winning certified pet therapy dog. Together we've raised over $20,000 for needy/abused people and pets of our community! When I shared his motivating story, the crowd went wild!  Kids loved on him the whole time we were there. (below) Sadly, he is barely getting around these days due to cancerous tumors, but perked up when he knew he was going to an event. 

Kids were very anxious to volunteer for all of our interactive games and demonstrations. My volunteer Amber had a tough job choosing. But everyone had a great time! (below)

We talked about accepting those who are different (gay, obese, those with disabilities). Giving them the freedom to make their own choices and accepting them for who they are. That we don't have to agree with them, but we should never bully them. The fact is, we are more alike than different, if we would really take a close look! The biggest factor is that we all have the same VALUE! (below)

These five boys helped me to put on a bullying skit. The two to my far left were joking/teasing the little guy in the orange, while the boy to my right kind of smirked and watched, while the other boy to my far right simply walked away. Proving that BYSTANDERS can be bullies too if they don't do something to help. (below)

We talked about REPORTING BULLYING versus tattling. Tattling is when you are trying to get someone in trouble, Reporting is when you are trying to get someone out of trouble! And also the four choices you have when bullied. Will you fight back, call 9-1-1 (report it), ask the audience (bystanders/friends for help), or take the 50/50 and run away. (below)

Kids Cheered & Clapped as students raised each card. But I think "Fight Back" won. Although we do fight back, I shared that it is not physically, but it is by standing up for yourself and others, and reporting so you can get the help needed. 80% of students don't report bullying, so therefore nothing is ever done to stop it. (below) 

The students cheered even more, after my son, Jeremiah sang his original song "Just A Shadow". Jeremiah was nearly bullied to death in high school, now he writes and sings songs to help others. (below)

This is Baby Ruth (below), AKA "The Bully" in our program. She was the WORST DOG we ever had, but with love, discipline, and training, she is so much better! We share her story of PAWS FOR CHANGE and how anyone (even the bully) can change with the right help! After all bullying is a behavior, not who a person is!

This is another hilarious game/demonstration we do with kids. Our Dime Game is very popular and shows kids that "pranking someone" can be bullying too. We also share that sometimes those bullying don't realize it's bullying, that's why they have to be told their behavior is wrong. (below)

We try to make our workshops fun, interactive, and educational for everyone--even those we use for our bullying demonstrations! (below)

We talk about good versus bad choices. Here I have a bottle of "dirty water" and a bottle of "clean water". We ask which the kids would drink from. Of course they choose the "clean water". We explain how if something appears to be a little wrong, it's wrong and we shouldn't do it. But if we do make bad choices we will have to drink the consequences. (below)

I use Snickers and his love for GARBAGE as a demonstration. I tell them how many times he's ran away and has gotten into the garbage and comes home later so sick he nearly dies. Then I ask, "Why do we go back to the same garbage friendships and relationships that are bringing us down?"

This is our most popular game. Our hot dog game gets the whole crowd laughing, but it also gives them a visual about PEER PRESSURE, that it's like the blind feeding the blind. I ask them what they should say to Peer Pressure and they all shout "NO!" (below)

We captured these students in the front row! That's what I like the most, if the kids are in, we win! It's all about keeping their attention throughout the entire program. I don't like boring and don't want to do boring. (below)

I know, I'm having way too much fun! This is supposed to be work, right? Love working with kids and interacting in a way that is fun for everyone. (below)

This is just one section of the crowd--even the teachers are laughing hysterically! (below)

Our telephone game is also a lot of fun, while teaching the importance of our words. Words can hurt or heal, so think before you speak! We also talk about SOCIAL BULLYING and how friends spread rumors to ruin other friends or x-friends reputations. (below)

This young man got the first part right "Zip Your Lips". That's pretty good compared to what we usually get. That's how gossip is, you forget what someone told you so you make up your own juicy story to go with it, then others do the same, until its so distorted there isn't much truth in it.

These students came forward and turned their back to the crowd and were labeled with negative words. That's what people often do, put labels on us. We tell them no matter who they are, they are unique, wonderful individuals and there is no one like them. So they removed the labels and everyone cheered! (below)

Nearly all 500 Students made their way to the Gym Floor for our "Change Challenge". We empower targets, bystanders, and bullies to make a change and Be The Change, to stop bullying for themselves and others. (below)

1 out of 7 kids bully others. In our game of Tug O War, our bully stands alone, while 6 other kids are on the other end ready to pull her to her defeat. This teen volunteered to be the bully. When I asked her if she thought she'd win, she said, "NO!" She was right! (Below)

But we don't teach the kids to pull on the rope, we tell them to simply stand together and let go, then the problem will be defeated. Too many times, like her, the victims are singled out. Stand with others to defeat bullying!

Can you imagine if the 160,000 kids that missed school every day for fear of bullying actually stood together against their bully? It would be the biggest CHANGE CHALLENGE YET!

Below is Mr. Jerry Ciarlino, Counselor at the school, ushered the event in. He's such a great guy! It's been a pleasure working with him and all the faculty at Chesaning Middle School! Thanks Jerry!

We'd love to come to your school, church, work place or community to defeat bullying too. Please include us when planning your next event. :) 

Written by: Lisa Freeman, Michigan Anti-Bullying Expert, Advocate & Survivor

CEO of Abuse Bites, Healing Projects Specialist Bully Police USA

Email/Contact Lisa Freeman

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Fake Friends

What would you do for your friends? Lie? Steal? Cover up for them? Take the blame? Murder?

All any of us want in life is to be loved and accepted by someone. We don't always know when 'fake friends' are taking advantage of us or using us. So, many times, we'll do whatever it takes just to be included. I know I did.

I let my so-called friends talk me into everything; skipping school, smoking, drinking, drugs, stealing, running away, sleeping around, etc. That's crazy! I didn't want to do any of it, but because my 'friend' wanted me to, I did.

Last night I watched "The Bling Ring," about these teen wannabe's in Hollywood who used a new kid with a panic disorder to help them break into all the celebrities homes and steal their goods. At the end, when everyone was arrested, the boy that was lured into the whole thing said, "I didn't do it for the money. I did it because I had friends. I've never had friends. And I liked how I felt when I was with them--I was a different person."

Now they are all facing prison time!

(Photo above is the actual Bling Ring burglars!)

Sad!

Even sadder. Recently I spoke to two different mothers who have special needs boys, who just turned adults. Both boys share pretty much the same story. They had been lured by a young teen girl saying she was 18, and that she liked them, wanted to go with them, and wanted them to do sexual things with her and her friends. Of course, these boys, given their mentality (functioning at only a 10 year old's age level) jumped at the chance to have a real relationship with someone. The girls videotaped the event and have not only made these boys a laughingstock in the community, but now they are facing prison time as well!

Insane!

Even movies portray that you have to be a certain person or look a certain way to get the hot chicks!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Too bad the movies have it all wrong. True love is not found in a person's looks or position they hold, or the abilities they have, NO it's found much deeper--in the heart!

I raised four children with varying disabilities. Between them they had dyslexia, learning disabilities, Asperger's Syndrome, emotional impairments, bi-polar, panic, schizophrenia, heart condition, ADD, ADHD, not to mention OCD and ODD. None of them had many real friends growing up. Many times they were lured into giving their money and prized possessions away. Even as adults, now, people still try to use them, but I've educated them to be on the look out about such friends.

Today people with disabilities are increasingly becoming victims of what is called "Mate Crime" where fake friends take advantage of, hurt, and sometimes even murder them. These fake friends show up when these individuals get their disability checks and finagle them out of their funds. Some have even moved into their homes and lived off them!

Worse yet, one innocent victim, Stephen Hoskin (below), a man from the UK with learning disabilities, was tortured to the point of death by his fake friends. Stephen was taken to a viaduct where he was forced to hang by his fingers from railings, then they stamped on his hands, which caused him to fall 100 ft to his death. Tragically 90% of mate crimes go unreported, due to those with disabilities keeping it a secret because they want friends and will do anything to keep them! (Read Full Story)

Read about both men, the victim and the murderer.

This story and others only prove that we must work even harder to educate our disabled children, our community, and those who could and should protect them! Together we can stop abuse, change hearts, and save lives!

By: Lisa Freeman, Author, Speaker, Abuse Advocate
Founder & CEO of Abuse Bites & A Time to Heal

Special Kids Have Special Hearts

Changing Hearts & Saving Lives--

In Loving Memory of my precious son, Brian

Admittedly, having four children of varying disabilities wasn’t easy. Raising them turned out to be an even greater task. However, I wouldn’t have changed a single day of it for any other child in the world!

Robert, my eldest seemed perfect from the day he was born. He ate well and slept even better. Twelve hours straight through the night at three weeks old. Who knew parenting could be this easy! His motor skills seemed fine; he grabbed things, rolled over, and even began crawling at around 8 months old. Developmentally, though he showed signs of struggle. Since he was still only crawling at a year and a half old, I became concerned, wondering if he’d ever walk. But by the age of two, and just the time our second child, Melissa was born, he was walking fine.

Melissa was a handful from the get-go! Obviously nothing was wrong with her development. She was into literally everything and expected me to catch her when she dove off the couch or jumped from the top of the stairs. Tragically I didn’t always get there in time. And it didn’t matter how many child safe gates I put in place, she could get past any barricade.

Soon after Melissa turned a year old, we had another beautiful baby boy, Brian. 

Brian was way different than the other two. He cried a lot, acted starving, but would fall asleep as soon as he began suckling at my breast. There were other weird symptoms that left me unsettled too. He coughed, sneezed, and breathed funny. I must have called the hospital every day, only to be assured that everything he was doing was normal. Still my motherly intuition would not be convinced.

Finally at three weeks old, I took him to see a pediatrician. I’m so glad I did! We were only in the room mere minutes when she detected his life threatening condition. “You need to take him up to ER right away for blood tests and x-rays,” Dr. VanVloten said. “He has a hole in his heart. It can be a small one, with an underlying infection making it sound bigger. Or it could be a very large hole. I won’t know until these tests are done.”

So many disturbing thoughts raced through my mind as we hurried to the hospital. I’d only heard of one other baby having a hole in their heart and that child was given a baboons heart and didn’t live long. Oh, God please no!

Thankfully Brian didn’t have infection along with the huge hole in his heart. His condition was life threatening enough on its own. He was transferred to Ingham Medical Center in Lansing where they diagnosed him with Tricuspid Atresia and Transposition of the Great Artery, which meant he only had two chambers in his heart, with a single functioning ventricle, and that the good blood and bad blood were mixing together and flooding his lungs.

In his first two months of life, he had two surgeries, one open heart to put a banding in pulmonary artery to restrict blood flow in the lungs, and the second to enlarge the aorta so that moderate blood flow could reach his lower extremities. Even then, doctors weren’t sure if Brian would live to see his first birthday.

Life was just a little crazy! On top of Brian’s special dietary needs and medical needs to keep him stable and thriving, we learned Robert had A.D.D. and Melissa had dyslexia and severe emotional impairments.

Three special needs children all under the age of three. Honestly, it was a little stressing to say the least. But we got to watch from the sidelines as each of our children climbed through each obstacle and hurdle in their path to accomplish what teachers, nurses and doctors said they never would.

Melissa couldn’t read, but she fooled us, because she memorized all of her favorite books. So I didn’t know about her true dyslexic issues until she was much older. And Robert was held back twice in first grade because he couldn’t write all the letters of the alphabet. One teacher even embarrassed him and called him dumb in front of the whole class. Back then there wasn’t much done about bullying, so we dealt with it the best we could.

As time went on I had baby number four! 

Jeremiah came into the world sweeter than pie. But after falling out of a cart at Walmart and hitting his forehead on a curb stop, he had a severe head injury, and battled extreme psychological conditions. At the age of three, he was brutally attacking our older children. By the age of five he was getting kicked out of school for hurting others. He was diagnosed with everything from A.D.H.D. and O.C.D to O.D.D. and Bi-Polar. A psychiatrist evaluated him weekly and wrote prescriptions to treat everything from bed wetting to mood swings and sleep disorders.

Jeremiah was only getting worse, and he even chased our kids through the house with a knife. We continued fasting, praying and doing everything humanly possible to make him better. Finally when he was eight years old, he was healed, after a couple came and spoke at our church and laid hands on him for healing. Within days he was off all the medications and did amazingly well. The principle even called to say what a difference he’d seen in him.

While we were taking Jeremiah for therapy, we learned that Brian had Asperger’s Syndrome, which is a rare form of autism, something that was hardly heard of twenty-four years ago when he was born. This made Brian even more different. I loved that difference though. He was much more aware of things I took for granted. His sense of touch, smell, and sound were amplified.

I can remember taking Brian into Meijer’s with me when he was about three or four (before we knew he had Asperger’s Syndrome) and he spread his arms like an airplane and began touching all the clothes hanging up. Then he suddenly stopped when he got to a very large pregnant woman and began outlining her belly with his hands. Thankfully she smiled. Still a little embarrassed, I apologized and tried to explain to Brian that he needed to be more careful what he touched.

No matter how many warnings I gave him, Brian was his own person. His sensory skills were over functioning. So he touched everything, even our new flat top range when the burner was red hot. Thankfully he wasn’t burned badly. He also loved to smell things, especially foods, and began cooking thanks to his father’s culinary skills. He would make finger and hand motions along with swishing sounds like airplanes whizzing through the air. His ears were very sensitive and disliked loud noises. His eyes were drawn to every dictionary, Bible, and Discovery Channel ever made. I was baffled by all the knowledge he often shared.

Yet, because my children were gifted with what I call amazing special abilities, they were often sought out by others and made targets for bullying or to be left out and not included. I somewhat understood the school bullying, but when it even happened at church after church, I was disheartened.

Sadly, my kids (nor I) had many friends growing up. Still we had each other. I didn’t focus on what they couldn’t do, but always told them they could do anything they set their minds to. The only limits we have are the limits we put on ourselves.

Even though there were some major challenges, all four of my children graduated from high school—even Brian—with honors!

Brian amazed me the most. When he was bullied severely in school I was so upset and wanted to let them have it. But Brian had a change of heart, and instead of taking revenge on his bullies, he loved and forgave them. He wanted the bullying to stop, and to help victims, bystanders, and even bullies to change. He knew they could change with the right help, and realized very young, that bullying is simply a behavior, not who a person is.

Brian was on the heart transplant list for five years, yet he wanted to travel with our Abuse Bites Program and go all over the USA to take this healing message of hope to others. He often said, “Mom, you can’t go without me. Besides, the doctors aren’t going to give me a heart anyway, God is, and I want to help others.”

Just as we were getting ready to go on this mission, Brian passed away. Soon after we found a change jar he’d been saving. It was then that we knew we were to collect change, so we could go all over like Brian wanted, to change hearts and save lives.

Having a child, like Brian, literally changed my heart and saved my life. I am so much different and better because of him (and all of my children). Looking through his eyes, I’m able to be totally loving, accepting and understanding of every single person out there, even the seemingly unlovable ones, those we often refer to as “bullies”.

Written by:

Lisa Freeman, Founder & CEO of Abuse Bites (a non-profit organization to stop abuse, bullying and violence), Lifelong Abuse Survivor & Advocate, Healing Projects Specialist for Bully Police USA, Award-Winning Author & Speaker, Certified Pet Therapist & Dog Trainer

Website: http://www.abusebites.com / We offer healing workshops to stop abuse, bullying and violence—bringing CHANGE to all in memory of Brian.

Abuse Bites Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/abusebites

Lisa Freeman’s Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/lisa.a.freeman