Special Kids Have Special Hearts

Changing Hearts & Saving Lives--

In Loving Memory of my precious son, Brian

Admittedly, having four children of varying disabilities wasn’t easy. Raising them turned out to be an even greater task. However, I wouldn’t have changed a single day of it for any other child in the world!

Robert, my eldest seemed perfect from the day he was born. He ate well and slept even better. Twelve hours straight through the night at three weeks old. Who knew parenting could be this easy! His motor skills seemed fine; he grabbed things, rolled over, and even began crawling at around 8 months old. Developmentally, though he showed signs of struggle. Since he was still only crawling at a year and a half old, I became concerned, wondering if he’d ever walk. But by the age of two, and just the time our second child, Melissa was born, he was walking fine.

Melissa was a handful from the get-go! Obviously nothing was wrong with her development. She was into literally everything and expected me to catch her when she dove off the couch or jumped from the top of the stairs. Tragically I didn’t always get there in time. And it didn’t matter how many child safe gates I put in place, she could get past any barricade.

Soon after Melissa turned a year old, we had another beautiful baby boy, Brian. 

Brian was way different than the other two. He cried a lot, acted starving, but would fall asleep as soon as he began suckling at my breast. There were other weird symptoms that left me unsettled too. He coughed, sneezed, and breathed funny. I must have called the hospital every day, only to be assured that everything he was doing was normal. Still my motherly intuition would not be convinced.

Finally at three weeks old, I took him to see a pediatrician. I’m so glad I did! We were only in the room mere minutes when she detected his life threatening condition. “You need to take him up to ER right away for blood tests and x-rays,” Dr. VanVloten said. “He has a hole in his heart. It can be a small one, with an underlying infection making it sound bigger. Or it could be a very large hole. I won’t know until these tests are done.”

So many disturbing thoughts raced through my mind as we hurried to the hospital. I’d only heard of one other baby having a hole in their heart and that child was given a baboons heart and didn’t live long. Oh, God please no!

Thankfully Brian didn’t have infection along with the huge hole in his heart. His condition was life threatening enough on its own. He was transferred to Ingham Medical Center in Lansing where they diagnosed him with Tricuspid Atresia and Transposition of the Great Artery, which meant he only had two chambers in his heart, with a single functioning ventricle, and that the good blood and bad blood were mixing together and flooding his lungs.

In his first two months of life, he had two surgeries, one open heart to put a banding in pulmonary artery to restrict blood flow in the lungs, and the second to enlarge the aorta so that moderate blood flow could reach his lower extremities. Even then, doctors weren’t sure if Brian would live to see his first birthday.

Life was just a little crazy! On top of Brian’s special dietary needs and medical needs to keep him stable and thriving, we learned Robert had A.D.D. and Melissa had dyslexia and severe emotional impairments.

Three special needs children all under the age of three. Honestly, it was a little stressing to say the least. But we got to watch from the sidelines as each of our children climbed through each obstacle and hurdle in their path to accomplish what teachers, nurses and doctors said they never would.

Melissa couldn’t read, but she fooled us, because she memorized all of her favorite books. So I didn’t know about her true dyslexic issues until she was much older. And Robert was held back twice in first grade because he couldn’t write all the letters of the alphabet. One teacher even embarrassed him and called him dumb in front of the whole class. Back then there wasn’t much done about bullying, so we dealt with it the best we could.

As time went on I had baby number four! 

Jeremiah came into the world sweeter than pie. But after falling out of a cart at Walmart and hitting his forehead on a curb stop, he had a severe head injury, and battled extreme psychological conditions. At the age of three, he was brutally attacking our older children. By the age of five he was getting kicked out of school for hurting others. He was diagnosed with everything from A.D.H.D. and O.C.D to O.D.D. and Bi-Polar. A psychiatrist evaluated him weekly and wrote prescriptions to treat everything from bed wetting to mood swings and sleep disorders.

Jeremiah was only getting worse, and he even chased our kids through the house with a knife. We continued fasting, praying and doing everything humanly possible to make him better. Finally when he was eight years old, he was healed, after a couple came and spoke at our church and laid hands on him for healing. Within days he was off all the medications and did amazingly well. The principle even called to say what a difference he’d seen in him.

While we were taking Jeremiah for therapy, we learned that Brian had Asperger’s Syndrome, which is a rare form of autism, something that was hardly heard of twenty-four years ago when he was born. This made Brian even more different. I loved that difference though. He was much more aware of things I took for granted. His sense of touch, smell, and sound were amplified.

I can remember taking Brian into Meijer’s with me when he was about three or four (before we knew he had Asperger’s Syndrome) and he spread his arms like an airplane and began touching all the clothes hanging up. Then he suddenly stopped when he got to a very large pregnant woman and began outlining her belly with his hands. Thankfully she smiled. Still a little embarrassed, I apologized and tried to explain to Brian that he needed to be more careful what he touched.

No matter how many warnings I gave him, Brian was his own person. His sensory skills were over functioning. So he touched everything, even our new flat top range when the burner was red hot. Thankfully he wasn’t burned badly. He also loved to smell things, especially foods, and began cooking thanks to his father’s culinary skills. He would make finger and hand motions along with swishing sounds like airplanes whizzing through the air. His ears were very sensitive and disliked loud noises. His eyes were drawn to every dictionary, Bible, and Discovery Channel ever made. I was baffled by all the knowledge he often shared.

Yet, because my children were gifted with what I call amazing special abilities, they were often sought out by others and made targets for bullying or to be left out and not included. I somewhat understood the school bullying, but when it even happened at church after church, I was disheartened.

Sadly, my kids (nor I) had many friends growing up. Still we had each other. I didn’t focus on what they couldn’t do, but always told them they could do anything they set their minds to. The only limits we have are the limits we put on ourselves.

Even though there were some major challenges, all four of my children graduated from high school—even Brian—with honors!

Brian amazed me the most. When he was bullied severely in school I was so upset and wanted to let them have it. But Brian had a change of heart, and instead of taking revenge on his bullies, he loved and forgave them. He wanted the bullying to stop, and to help victims, bystanders, and even bullies to change. He knew they could change with the right help, and realized very young, that bullying is simply a behavior, not who a person is.

Brian was on the heart transplant list for five years, yet he wanted to travel with our Abuse Bites Program and go all over the USA to take this healing message of hope to others. He often said, “Mom, you can’t go without me. Besides, the doctors aren’t going to give me a heart anyway, God is, and I want to help others.”

Just as we were getting ready to go on this mission, Brian passed away. Soon after we found a change jar he’d been saving. It was then that we knew we were to collect change, so we could go all over like Brian wanted, to change hearts and save lives.

Having a child, like Brian, literally changed my heart and saved my life. I am so much different and better because of him (and all of my children). Looking through his eyes, I’m able to be totally loving, accepting and understanding of every single person out there, even the seemingly unlovable ones, those we often refer to as “bullies”.

Written by:

Lisa Freeman, Founder & CEO of Abuse Bites (a non-profit organization to stop abuse, bullying and violence), Lifelong Abuse Survivor & Advocate, Healing Projects Specialist for Bully Police USA, Award-Winning Author & Speaker, Certified Pet Therapist & Dog Trainer

Website: http://www.abusebites.com / We offer healing workshops to stop abuse, bullying and violence—bringing CHANGE to all in memory of Brian.

Abuse Bites Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/abusebites

Lisa Freeman’s Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/lisa.a.freeman

Help Kids Stop Bullying

160,000 kids miss school every day for fear of bullying

1 teen dies every 1/2 hour in the USA from bullying/bullycide

That's why AbuseBites.com CEO Lisa Freeman offers educational workshops to raise awareness, and teach safety, prevention, and healing methods to stop bullying, abuse and violence. Her entire family was bullied in some form, one son nearly bullied to death.

By offering their real life stories of survival along with statistics, and some fun, interactive games, kids, teens, and even adults learn at their level how to defeat the bully without violence, work together as a community, and have a great time doing it!

We don't just put a band-aid on bullying we give kids, parents, educators and everyone everything they need to bring about safer schools, safer kids, and safer families!

Contact Lisa Freeman today @ 989-729-2124 or email @ abusebites@gmail.com

When Life Is Plain Hard

My life for years to many seemed like a Cinderella fairy tale. Over the years I've had many women tell me how envious they were of my life, some have even joined our organization for a short time to get an inside glimpse of all this supposed glamour life I live. I'm an award-winning published author, speaker, certified pet therapist/dog trainer, and even a pastor. WOW!

What they don't know, unless they walk a day in my shoes, is that God has ALWAYS called me to do HARD!

As a young girl I didn't feel loved or important in my middle class family, so I ran to all the wrong things (drugs, men, topless dancing, etc). I even married an abusive alcoholic. (My choice, not God's. Again, because I was looking for love in all the wrong places.)

At 17, I accepted Jesus as my Savior, about the time my 1st husband nearly killed me. Yes, I escaped with my life and the clothes on my back. And when I met husband #2 I felt this urgency in my heart not to marry him, but he treated me good, opened the doors for me, told me I was beautiful, and he wasn't beating me around, so I shrugged off that tugging at my heart, and went ahead and married him. After 7 years I not only found out he had cheated on me, and was addicted to pornography, but he had turned his addiction onto our three children. (Again, it was my choice to marry the guy, and I believe with all my heart God tried to stop me from entering this marriage.)

At 26, this single mom of three, 7th grade drop out, decided she was going back to school, went onto college, and maintained a 4.0 and made the Dean's list. Then she went on to become an award-winning author, certified pet therapist/dog trainer, and even a pastor.

But what not many people really know is all the rejection and betrayal I faced, from everyone I loved and trusted, in the world, and even in the church for years and years.

When my 2nd husband kidnapped my kids, no one helped me get them back even though he'd molested them. Most of my family had even sided with him and my church became silent. Still I fought, and fought hard, and did the unthinkable to get them back in my custody. I had to go back with him for a short time and then take them to a shelter one day. It was hard, but I got them.

When I felt led to write, and began writing, I wasn't published for five long years. Rejection letters filled my mail box. Sometimes I wondered if I was really supposed to write, but I kept on, and finally I got accepted in one of the best magazines--Guideposts, which states is not for beginners. My writing career skyrocketed after that!
When my book came out (years later), everyone in the church thought it was too DIRTY for their kids to read, because I was a runaway who got into lots of trouble. I was kidnapped, beaten, raped, and forced into dancing and prostitution. So I was too dirty for the church, but since I was a Christian the world didn't want me either.

I was hurt and I didn't know it then, and maybe I never knew it until recently, but God has called me to do HARD. God has called my kids to do HARD, and our family to do HARD.

All four of my children had terrible obstacles they had to overcome, aside from being molested, they all have special needs, they were all abused, bullied, and faced great challenges. My daughter was labeled gay and nearly choked to death in school, my eldest son was a cutter (due to the abuse from his bio father) and had two nervous breakdowns, my youngest boy, Jeremiah, was bullied so badly he nearly committed suicide--he also nearly died from having grand mall seizures that developed in his late teens, and my son, Brian, was bullied all his life because he had Asperger's Syndrome and a rare heart condition. He was in and out of the hospital dealing with critical life threatening illnesses his whole life, yet he gave and helped others, forgave the bullies, and lived life to the fullest. Brian passed away last August, after being on the heart transplant list for five years. Yet the day after we buried him we marched in a parade in his honor to stop abuse, bullying and violence, and we've spoken at various workshops, and are now into our 5th Annual Easter Giveaway to help needy and abused families.

The road for our family has not been easy, or even glamorous as some might think. NO, the truth is God has called us to do HARD! Most of the time I don't get any money to speak and I give my books away to those who need them. And the only money that comes into our organization is the money we raise or put there ourselves. So even when everyone has turned on us, when tragedy has hit us from all sides, and we've had to stand for days, months, and years, and felt totally alone, like total outcasts, I know that even though we didn't have physical people to be right with us and walk us through these dark valleys, God has always been there. He had our backs, even in the HARD.

I know we're not the only ones who have been called to do HARD. But I just want to encourage anyone out there who is, people may let you down a million/trillion times, but God will never fail you or forsake you. I know I can't do HARD without him-- or even Easy for that matter.

God is the glue that has held this mom, this marriage, this family, and this ministry together. Even though we're broken over and over again, we cling to the hope that one day, we will be with Him, and He will wipe every tear from our eyes. He never promised that it would be easy, but he did promise that even through the HARD, he'd be with us!

My heart cries out for the many families now who are poor and abused, who are doing HARD and need our help. We help these families throughout the year, but especially at Easter. Please check out our website and prayerfully consider a gift you can give. No gift is too small. Every penny helps fight poverty and abuse. I thank you in advance for giving the best gift you can! God bless each of you even in the HARD! www.abusebites.com (click on Easter link on right).

To Donate via mail, make checks/mo Payable to: Abuse Bites, Easter Giveaway, PO BOX 1582, Owosso, MI  48867. All donations are 100% tax deductible and go to help needy and abused families (including pets!)

Sincerely,

Lisa Freeman, CEO Abuse Bites

Homeless Not Hopeless

In Honor Of National Homeless Awareness Month

With such trying times in the US, the crashing economy, and bullying & abuse at every avenue--there are probably more homeless people than many of us know.

I've been homeless at various times. Once by choice, as a teen when I ran away with an older boyfriend. For two years we hitchhiked all over the US with nothing but the clothes on our backs. I was starving, frozen, beaten, raped, kidnapped, and nearly killed. The only thing that saved me every time, was prayer and faith in God to set me free.

Later in life I was married to an abusive man who turned his porn addiction onto our three children. I was forced to leave my home, with just a suitcase and three small children. For over a month we stayed at a "safe house shelter" for victims of abuse.

Staying at shelters isn't easy. I totally agree. But it's better than putting you or yourself in harms way. It's totally better than being homeless. It's a roof over your head, a meal in your stomach, and a chance to sort things out while you decide what is best for you/ and or your children.

After two terribly abusive marriages, I got my life back together. I suffered years of panic attacks and fears, but have managed to become an award-winning author and speaker.

If I can do it, you can too. Today, I'm an abuse survivor. You don't have to be a victim, you can survive too. If you need help or to get out of an abusive situation, please get help. You can either log onto my website http://www.abusebites.com/ or call 1-800-799-SAFE.

Most Shelters Provide:

-A SAFE PLACE TO STAY
-Beds for you & your child
-Dresser for your clothes
-Food
-Clothes
-Baby Needs
-Hygiene Products
-Support & Counseling
-Assistance With Child Care

*So don't hesitate. If you're in an abusive situation GET OUT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!