I Wanted To Change, But How?

I remembered saying this one time prayer in the fifth grade at a school release program to accept Jesus into my heart. I prayed the words, I wanted it to be real, but it never felt real to me. 

I wasn’t new and different like they said I would be. I felt exactly the same, having the same shameful feelings from all of those boys and men in our neighborhood who had put their hands and bodies all over me. I didn’t feel loved and accepted. I felt dirty and like God was angry with me and could never accept me. 

Inside I wanted to do right, but it seems I always did wrong. I wanted to share the secrets that had been bottled up inside me since I was a small little girl, but I knew no one would believe me and they’d probably even blame me for it, since I hadn't stopped those guys from doing all those evil things.  

At 13 I ran away with my boyfriend to try to escape the evil things. I remember our first night together, it was winter and I was freezing cold and exhausted from walking through town and after town, no ride, no shelter. 

I cried. I wanted to go home. But he threatened that if I went home, I’d be locked up in a girl’s institution (like the judge had said), and we’d never see each other again. 

So I stayed through it all, even his drunken beatings. I guess in part I was thinking I had no other choice, or that I deserved it, but I always held out hope that since this guy swore he loved me, that I somehow had this special power to change him.

I finally realized after marrying him at 16, when he nearly beat me to death, that I couldn’t change him.

The truth is, I can’t change anybody else. I can only change me. 

But at that time I didn’t know how to change me. My life was hopeless. I knew I couldn’t live with him, but I didn’t think I could live without him either. So I kept going back like a yo-yo dangling on a string.

  

Thankfully God heard my hearts cry and intervened. 

My husband left to go see his family for two weeks. Normally he'd make me go with him, but he gave me a choice. Of course I said no. Who would want to be around a houseful of drunken, abusive, maniacs for that long?

I was afraid of being alone, yet I stayed there in that big empty house all by myself. After all the abuse I suffered, I couldn’t sleep nights, as I was terrified someone was going to break in and kill me. 

My life revolved around fear. I had no peace. The only time I could get a couple hours of rest was in the morning after the sun came up.

Little did I know all of that was about to change. In fact, my whole life, as I knew it, was about to change.

After a few days of partying and sleeping with anyone just so I wouldn't be alone, I felt more empty and lonely than ever. But even worse, our phone wasn't working. So I hurried over to our neighbors to call the phone company.

But our neighbor didn’t answer her door, another lady did. She said she had heard all about me and invited me in. I could only guess what she had heard! But still I made the call. Busy. As I sat there waiting for the line to clear, this lady began telling me about her life. That she had runaway with her older boyfriend too, and had done many of things I did, but there was something different about her. She had a beautiful smile, a radiant glow, an excitement and fire in her voice, a this amazing peace about her.

The more she talked, I wanted what she had.

She began to tell me how she got FREE. How she met a man named Jesus and how he came into her heart and changed her whole life and took all her fears away. 

When I left she said she’d be glad to talk or pray with me at any time.  So I went home to clean my house and I couldn’t stop thinking about her or what she said. Finally I got up the courage to go back over and ask her to pray with me.

As she sat in my living room next to me praying, suddenly I couldn’t hear her. My ears were completely plugged. I began saying, “I can’t hear you.” My eyes even got really blurry and weird and I started freaking out. So she began shouting, “Say in the name of Jesus! In the name of Jesus! In the name of Jesus!” 

So I started shouting it with her, “In the name of Jesus! In the name of Jesus! In the name of Jesus!” and pretty soon it was like something shot out of my ears and I could hear and see better than I ever had. For once I felt clean and had a peace I’d never known. I wanted everyone to find Jesus and experience this.

Maybe you, like me, have lived in abuse and fear all your life and you need/want a change? Jesus will do the same thing for you as he did for me. We can't change others or even our pasts, but we can change our future. Won't you call out to Jesus today? He'll listen, come into your heart, and be there for you. But you have to be the one to say the prayer and believe.

Jesus was there in 5th grade when I made that prayer, but I didn't let him change me. I didn't know how. At 17, when I prayed the second time, I was ready for change, I was sick of living that miserable life. And today, since I embraced Jesus and his life changing power, my life is amazing!

CHANGE begins with you!

I would love to pray with you or send you a copy of my book "Run For Your Life" about my true life story. So please email me @ abusebites(at)gmail.com and let me know that this blog has touched your heart and you want CHANGE!

Bullies Are Cowards

Bullies are Cowards—I know because I was one. And it’s weird because I hated fighting, the sight of blood, and I never wanted to hurt anyone. But for once, no one was hurting me. And I had this amazing power—people feared me, everyone wanted to be my friend. I ruled. But underneath that tough bully exterior I was always afraid that someone bigger and badder than me would come along and pound my face in. 

There were always new bullies moving in, from Lansing, Flint, and Detroit, who had a worse reputation that I was terrified of. I was afraid to walk up town, go to school, and even leave my house.

I’d like to say I was a hero and I toughed it out in school, but I wasn’t. Instead I ran away and lived on the streets with an older boyfriend who swore to love and protect me. I’d been bullied and abused most of my life, so I was glad to get away from it all. For once I thought I was finally free. But that freedom didn’t last long, because I was even more abused out on the road. For two years we hitchhiked from state to state taking rides with some of America’s most wanted and deadliest.

Aside from being homeless, penniless and starving, I was kidnapped, raped, forced into dancing and prostitution, and nearly killed many times. My own boyfriend even turned on me out there.

But there was one thing that was a sure thing, whenever I would PRAY for food, a ride, or to be saved from a near death situation, God always came through in a miraculous way and answered my prayer. I didn’t understand it, because I knew I wasn’t living right, didn’t deserve it, but when I cried out to him, he heard me.

God is good! Even to Cowards & Bullies! Because God understands that bullies are usually hurt, abused, terrified individuals, just like me! If you've been the bully or bullied all your life, why not get free today? I did!

For more about Lisa Freeman, speaking, or her book "Run For Your Life" based on her true story of being an abused teen runaway, log onto abusebites.com. 

Trouble Walking n Talking?

Lately it’s been difficult to walk. I woke up a week ago with a very sore left hip. It just so happened to be the first day of our 1^st Annual Walk n Talk Across Michigan to Stop Abuse. We met at the Capitol in Lansing, where I hobbled around painfully to do what I had went there to do—RAISE AWARENESS to STOP ABUSE and BULLYING of People & Pets. Thankfully, even despite the droplets of rain, the event went well, victims were honored, news crews were on site, we were able to minister to a woman and her two small children, and it was an awesome time of taking back what I feel has been stolen from our country, our freedom as Christians to STAND & SPEAK OUT for the HEALING that only God can bring!

Standing and speaking is about all I’ve been able to do in the past week. I’ve hobbled and limped far more than I’ve walked, believe me. But as I’ve dealt with this thorn in my flesh and hinderence to this mission God has called me to, I realize that sometimes our walking is way out of balance. I used to work out for an hour every morning and then walk for 3-5 miles, usually 1-2 hours per day. The rest of my day I spent very BUSY on the computer, phone, training volunteers, teaching, and doing the zillion other things a person who heads up two non-profits has to do. Not an easy task. But as a leader, I too set the pace for everything that gets accomplished. If I’m moving too slow, not much gets done. If I’m moving too fast, then we might get some things done, but because we’re hurrying and stressed, we make more mistakes. So we need to be moving ahead at just the right pace.

I believe that is the lesson God wanted me to learn this past week “pacing myself”. Last weekend when we went to the parks in Jackson and Kalamazoo I could barely walk, in fact, I sat most of the time and just ministered to women and children as they came to me. But I was obedient to “go” and that is the important part; that we go when God tells us, he’s not concerned about how fast we’re moving, just that we are. This is proof that God will use us just as we are, as limited as that may be, as long as we’re walking with Him.

Quite honestly in the past, I’ve probably gotten ahead of Him sometimes. I’ve probably even ran ahead, in the wrong direction. Maybe that’s why he felt the need to slow me down.

I’ve only taken two short walks this week. The first walk was a couple days ago, just a half mile, and took nearly 30 minutes. The other was this morning, I walked an entire mile at a VERY SLOW PACE, (my dogs even kept looking at me funny, like who put something in your cereal?), and it took me an hour. But as I’ve slowed down, I’ve learned that before I was probably rushing through every walk, every work out, every bike ride, every phone conversation, every prayer, every scripture, every intimate moment, every divine appointment, etc, so I could get to the next thing. In essence what I was doing is becoming a Martha, Martha, Martha – just simply doing a work God had called me to “walking and talking” instead of being more like Mary, who is in total synch with Jesus and follows his every step.

Noah and Enoch walked with God. Noah walked so closely with God that he was obedient, even though he was persecuted and made fun of every day, and God rewarded him greatly. When everyone else in the world was destroyed, him and his family were spared! Hallelujah! And Enoch, he walked so closely with God that one day God just took him up to heaven—he never saw death—he was transformed right there. Wow!

So I’ve decided on this walk, I want to be like Noah and Enoch. Just like them, I want God to transform me (my heart and mind to have a unique FAITH like theirs) so that I’m walking and talking at just the right pace, so that HE can transform others as we Walk n Talk Across Michigan to Stop Abuse & bring healing to all!

For more information about our 1^st Walk n Talk Across Michigan to Stop Abuse of People & Pets, please log onto www.abusebites.com

Forgiving My Bullies

It's been less than 2 months since I buried my son. (Brian's story)

The grief from that has been enough to weigh on my heart, let alone being bullied through it. I wasn't out to hurt no one. I attacked no one. I simply logged onto my facebook account and posted my feelings on my wall. I have to admit, it was one of the roughest days I'd had since Brian passed. I haven't had much sleep due to my other son having a life threatening seizure. (Jeremiah's story)

I felt deserted. Hurt. Lonely. So I posted something about feeling hurt, that no one would probably understand, or if they did they'd be too busy with their own lives to respond.

A certain person, from the church I recently attended for more than two years, responded. More like, she viciously attacked me. She replied with a comment to say that I shouldn't be feeling like that or wallowing in my own grief and sorrow. Instead I should be like her, going to church 4 times a week, so I can fit in and receive love. After all she'd lost both parents and a sibling and knew what grief was like.

Why do we always try to fit everyone into our little box and stereotype their life? 

That would be like me stereotyping how the church should act with me and my family. While they gave freely and liberally to another family in need, they seemed to forget our needs altogether. Other than the typical service our church gives to everyone, bringing 3 meals in right after the funeral; No one called, came over, or hardly posted anything encouraging on our facebook wall. Yet, we realized that this other family needed them, so we stepped back.

I have learned through these two hard years, you can be left out in a whole room full of people, even at church. 

Sadly, me and my family know how that feels first hand. At church softball games we sat there watching as certain people passed right by us to offer everyone else hugs. We watched cliques form inside the church and even tried to speak to leadership about it, but was told there wasn't any and I was being deceived, and then the very next Sunday it became a sermon, and suddenly Jesus even had cliques! Many times I'd offered to serve in different areas in this particular church, but was told I did enough already, so I prayed and took my talents and gifts to reach others outside the four walls of the church.

As the Lord led, I taught pet therapy, held anti-abuse/bullying workshops, visited and prayed for the sick, helped the poor and needy, and did various parades to raise awareness on abuse and bullying.

We did reach people. We even brought many of these individuals into that same church. Sadly some of them were bullied and left out too. Some have moved on and found churches were they are loved and accepted, some are still there praying it will change.

Every time someone walked out the door, I heard, "Let 'em go. I don't even care why they left."

But in the Bible, Jesus clearly states that he is the Good Shepherd and if even one strayed off he would leave the 99 others and go after that one.

We are supposed to be the church, the body. It should affect us when someone walks away hurt or wounded. We should love them and pursue them in or outside the church walls. 

I'm not condemning the church; I'm speaking to the body. Why are we attacking our own? I've been shown more love and compassion from people in the world that don't claim to have a personal relationship with Jesus or any affiliation with God. Why is that?

 

God designed the church to be a place for healing, love, acceptance, freedom and life, not a place of judgment, condemnation, or to be left out. We were all created equal, born with a free will. God is the only one who can ever change us or judge us. 

So why do we keep trying to fit everyone into our own little box, and when they don't fit, we toss them out like rotten potatoes? 

I can't speak for anyone else, but for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.  And I will do what my son Brian would do, forgive my bullies, in and out of the church, in life and in death. Because if I keep holding this hurt inside, I know I'm only hurting myself. If I don't forgive, I will not be forgiven.

Forgiveness is key to healing any heart, sorrow, pain or grief. I hope you too can forgive those that have hurt you. And if I've hurt you, please forgive me.

Kick the Bully's Butt--Fight Back God's Way

Wow! Life has been absolutely crazy lately. For months, even a couple years now, I've been doing a lot of research on bullying and abuse. As I studied kids who'd been bullied, I came across Jared's story of bullycide--his mom Brenda founded The Bully Police USA. Her precious son was bullied to the point that he became depressed and took his own life. I can so relate. The same thing nearly happened to my son, Jeremiah, two years ago.



Jeremiah was just starting his sophomore year. He'd been bullied since he was in the 5th grade, but he'd always had his older brother and sister to rely on and hang out with. But they had both graduated the previous year, so it left him all alone and feeling defenseless when the bully attacked him that first day of school.

He reported the bullying right away and they thought they had handled the situation by talking to the bully. However the bullying never stopped. In fact it got to the point that my son's life was threatened, he began having panic attacks, and he started feeling so desperate and hated facing school so much that he took a belt and wrapped it around his neck three times.

Luckily Jeremiah stopped before it was too late and confided in us after some questioning just how bad it had gotten. So we got him the help and the protection he needed. But believe me, we had to fight for it!

Today we are teaming up with Brenda and other parents/educators to help kids/adults who've been bullied and to prevent others from being bullied. We are now the Healing Projects Specialist for the Bully Police USA and are fighting back against bullying and abuse with our new program "Take A Bite Out Of Abuse".

We teach students, parents, and educators how to fight/defeat the bully without violence:

Here's 10 things every child/parent should know...

1. Statistics show us that 1 out of 10 kids are bullies, but there are nine others who aren't bullies, so if those nine simply STICK TOGETHER, they can defeat the bully (there is power in numbers)

2. Most kids are bullied when alone--so always be paired up with a partner

3. Speak Up. Not only for yourself, but others too. Report all bullying the second it happens to a safe adult (if online/cyber bullying print it up and don't respond back and show it to the proper authorities)

4. Don't walk away when others are being bullied (if you're too afraid to stay there, at least get help for the one being bullied). If you aren't a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem. By walking away and doing nothing you are just as bad as the person bullying.

5. If a bully approaches you try to walk/run away and get help.

6. Try befriending bullies, do something nice for them (if you can), as most bullies have probably been bullied. Hurt people usually hurt people.

7. Bullying is never about ANGER, it's always about power and control.

8. If you don't seem to be getting help after reporting a bullying incident and it keeps happening, keep climbing the ladder and talking to the next person up in authority.

9. We must realize that most bullies are afraid too, afraid of being hurt again, so therefore they hurt others.

10. Over 100,000 kids are bullied each day and afraid to go to school.

Now you Can Help us:

To help us fight this war on bullying you can go to your school and request that they get an educational anti-bullying program in place that will teach not only safety and prevention, but healing techniques for those who've already been bullied and abused.

Our program is just one of many @ www.abusebites.com

Who's Stalking Now?

Who's stalking now? That's a good question. Actually, anyone can stalk someone and anyone can be the victim of stalking.

Stalking is a crime that affects over one million women and nearly 375,000 men each year in America. Victims of stalking are harassed and intimidated and, in far too many cases, physically harmed and even murdered. It is a pervasive crime that merits our collective concern and dedication to collaborative prevention and response efforts.

Statistics from the National Violence Against Women Survey tell us that approximately 1.5 million people are stalked every year in the United States and 4 out of 5 of those victims are women. Most often, female victims were stalked by an intimate partner.

There is a strong correlation between intimate partner stalking and the related crimes of domestic violence and sexual assault.It is important to educate everyone about the types of stalking behaviors. Stalking can include repeated phone calls, following, damage to property or homes, and any other action that controls or frightens someone.Increasingly, more individuals are engaged in “cyberstalking” by using the internet, chat rooms, message boards, and electronic tracking devices to harass their victims.

Any form of stalking can be terrifying, no matter what the age of the victim, or whether the victim knows the stalker or not.Education and safety planning is critical to the prevention and detection of this serious crime. OVW is committed to keeping stalking victims safe and holding stalkers accountable for their deplorable actions---not just in January, but in every month of the year.

If you feel that you are in imminent danger, trust your instincts and do what makes you feel safe. Consider going to a safe location such as a police station. Call 911 if you fear for your immediate safety.

-Know that you are not to blame for the stalker’s behavior.·

-Call your local domestic violence or sexual assault program to get support and hear about options and resources.

-Call the National Stalking Resource Center for support (1-800-FYI-CALL).·

-Consider getting a protection order to keep the stalker away from you. Visit Legal section for more information.

-Keep a log of the stalking incidences to show the pattern of events. Write down every incident that happens including all the times, dates and other information.

-Keep videotapes, answering machine or voicemail messages, photos of property damage, emails and letters you receive.

-Know that technology can be used to track you.

-Tell important people about the stalking problem including the police, your employer, and family, friends and neighbors.

Internet Safety Alert:*If you think your activities are being monitored, please try to use a safer computer which is unknown or un-accessible to your abuser.

Trust is a huge issue when going through stalking and tough relationships, but that's when I learned to lean on and trust in God even more. He showed me that although certain people in my life were trying to hurt me, He was trying to get me into a safer, better environment to bring healing and take all my former pain away. So this New Year's Day, I pray blessings, healing, safety, and a bright future over all of you who may be seeking a safe refuge during this time--

God bless,

Lisa Freeman