I Wanted To Change, But How?

I remembered saying this one time prayer in the fifth grade at a school release program to accept Jesus into my heart. I prayed the words, I wanted it to be real, but it never felt real to me. 

I wasn’t new and different like they said I would be. I felt exactly the same, having the same shameful feelings from all of those boys and men in our neighborhood who had put their hands and bodies all over me. I didn’t feel loved and accepted. I felt dirty and like God was angry with me and could never accept me. 

Inside I wanted to do right, but it seems I always did wrong. I wanted to share the secrets that had been bottled up inside me since I was a small little girl, but I knew no one would believe me and they’d probably even blame me for it, since I hadn't stopped those guys from doing all those evil things.  

At 13 I ran away with my boyfriend to try to escape the evil things. I remember our first night together, it was winter and I was freezing cold and exhausted from walking through town and after town, no ride, no shelter. 

I cried. I wanted to go home. But he threatened that if I went home, I’d be locked up in a girl’s institution (like the judge had said), and we’d never see each other again. 

So I stayed through it all, even his drunken beatings. I guess in part I was thinking I had no other choice, or that I deserved it, but I always held out hope that since this guy swore he loved me, that I somehow had this special power to change him.

I finally realized after marrying him at 16, when he nearly beat me to death, that I couldn’t change him.

The truth is, I can’t change anybody else. I can only change me. 

But at that time I didn’t know how to change me. My life was hopeless. I knew I couldn’t live with him, but I didn’t think I could live without him either. So I kept going back like a yo-yo dangling on a string.

  

Thankfully God heard my hearts cry and intervened. 

My husband left to go see his family for two weeks. Normally he'd make me go with him, but he gave me a choice. Of course I said no. Who would want to be around a houseful of drunken, abusive, maniacs for that long?

I was afraid of being alone, yet I stayed there in that big empty house all by myself. After all the abuse I suffered, I couldn’t sleep nights, as I was terrified someone was going to break in and kill me. 

My life revolved around fear. I had no peace. The only time I could get a couple hours of rest was in the morning after the sun came up.

Little did I know all of that was about to change. In fact, my whole life, as I knew it, was about to change.

After a few days of partying and sleeping with anyone just so I wouldn't be alone, I felt more empty and lonely than ever. But even worse, our phone wasn't working. So I hurried over to our neighbors to call the phone company.

But our neighbor didn’t answer her door, another lady did. She said she had heard all about me and invited me in. I could only guess what she had heard! But still I made the call. Busy. As I sat there waiting for the line to clear, this lady began telling me about her life. That she had runaway with her older boyfriend too, and had done many of things I did, but there was something different about her. She had a beautiful smile, a radiant glow, an excitement and fire in her voice, a this amazing peace about her.

The more she talked, I wanted what she had.

She began to tell me how she got FREE. How she met a man named Jesus and how he came into her heart and changed her whole life and took all her fears away. 

When I left she said she’d be glad to talk or pray with me at any time.  So I went home to clean my house and I couldn’t stop thinking about her or what she said. Finally I got up the courage to go back over and ask her to pray with me.

As she sat in my living room next to me praying, suddenly I couldn’t hear her. My ears were completely plugged. I began saying, “I can’t hear you.” My eyes even got really blurry and weird and I started freaking out. So she began shouting, “Say in the name of Jesus! In the name of Jesus! In the name of Jesus!” 

So I started shouting it with her, “In the name of Jesus! In the name of Jesus! In the name of Jesus!” and pretty soon it was like something shot out of my ears and I could hear and see better than I ever had. For once I felt clean and had a peace I’d never known. I wanted everyone to find Jesus and experience this.

Maybe you, like me, have lived in abuse and fear all your life and you need/want a change? Jesus will do the same thing for you as he did for me. We can't change others or even our pasts, but we can change our future. Won't you call out to Jesus today? He'll listen, come into your heart, and be there for you. But you have to be the one to say the prayer and believe.

Jesus was there in 5th grade when I made that prayer, but I didn't let him change me. I didn't know how. At 17, when I prayed the second time, I was ready for change, I was sick of living that miserable life. And today, since I embraced Jesus and his life changing power, my life is amazing!

CHANGE begins with you!

I would love to pray with you or send you a copy of my book "Run For Your Life" about my true life story. So please email me @ abusebites(at)gmail.com and let me know that this blog has touched your heart and you want CHANGE!

A Dream Come True by Lisa Freeman of AbuseBites.com

A Dream Come True!

Wow! It’s finally happening--finally coming true! The moment we’d all dreamed of—going out on the road to Stop Abuse/Bullying & bring healing. But something’s missing. Something enormously important. It saddens me to even think about it.

Brian. This was his dream. His goal. All he ever talked about. Even though he was critical and on the heart transplant list for five years, he always said, “Mom, you can’t go without me.”

This is the same kid that was born with Asperger’s Syndrome, who was way different from all the other kids. Not a bad different, a unique different. He stood out in the crowd. Peculiar maybe, strange, yeah, but beyond all that outward stuff, was amazing stuff going on inside the big brain and oversized heart of his. What he didn’t have in health, he far surpassed in knowledge and love.

Because every day even though he was bullied his entire life, he chose to forgive his bullies, love them, and move on to help others.

In the weeks before he died he walked in one of the longest and hottest parades and handed out candy to kids to raise awareness on abuse and bullying. This is one of my most cherished memories, because typically Brian got so winded he had to sit in the van, but as usual, he gave it his all and pressed on.

When he passed away, my heart broke. I didn’t know how I’d ever go on. But then we found a change jar that he’d been saving. As I held that jar in my hand, I knew we were to collect CHANGE so we could be the CHANGE for Brian and others like him.

It is evident that Brian will go with us, not in the way we planned, but in the way God planned! Please support our Walk n Talk Across Michigan so we can literally CHANGE HEARTS and SAVE LIVES in our son’s memory!

To donate or sponsor Abuse Bites and this mission, or to obtain more information log onto www.abusebites.com and click on the “Walk n Talk to Stop Abuse” link at the right.

Scared To Death

Scared To Death

·         Did you know...

• 160,000 children FEAR going to school EVERY DAY
• 30 % of all parents FEAR for THEIR child's SAFETY every day? 
• Every 30 minutes all over the world a child attempts suicide? 
• Even adults suffer from bullying on the job?
• A whopping 18.9 working days are lost each year due to workers being afraid to go to work?

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It's true. We live in a world where kids, teens, and adults are literally scared to death. Most would rather die, than face another day at school, at work, or somewhere else being bullied. And who could blame them?

Our family/dogs have been called to go out of the comforts of our home, city, and state to educate others and help set them free. Normally I'm excited and jump at the chance to travel and go, especially when it involves helping others. I grew up on the streets years ago and really want to reach the hurting. But this week I had the opportunity to speak with a lady who moved here from Phoenix, Arizona. She explained that there were so many gangs there that nearly every day her husband left for work he was shot at, and that now, when her kids hear any popping sound, like fireworks, they jump and are afraid.

Hearing her story made me afraid. Gangs today are more violent than ever. Funny, earlier in the week before I met this woman I began doing research on gang activity. It didn't bother me to find that 40% of all gang members were teens and that there is gang activity in every city with a population of 250,000, because I live in a small town of Owosso, Michigan (population 15,713). No biggie. We don't have gangs here. I was gathering the research for our upcoming CHANGE Benefit and for future workshops. But after I spoke with this woman and reflected on the notes I had just taken, I woke up.

            SOME ALARMING STATS:

• There are approximately 24,500 gangs in the U.S. There were an estimated 750,000 gang members in 2000. The 2009 estimate is One Million gang members with 147,000 of them currently incarcerated.

• Of the 1 million gang members, about 40% are juveniles (under 18) and 60% are adults, or about 400,000 teenage gang members and 600,000 adult gang members.

• Between 90% to 94% of gang members are male. Between 6% to 10% are female.

• Every city in the U.S. with at least 250,000 people has gang activity. 86% of those with at least 100,000 people report gang activity

*59% of all homicides in 2001 in Los Angeles and 53% in Chicago were gang related, there was a total of 698 gang related homicides in there two cities combined where as 130 other cities with population of at least 100,000 with gang problems reported having a total of 637 homicides between them

REASONS MOST JOIN GANGS:

• Low income

• Learning disabilities and emotional disorders: 60% - 78% of Incarcerated gang members have emotional and learning disabilities. This is the percent found by states that test all delinquents for special needs

• School Failure and Truancy

• No involvement in positive activities outside of school

• Friends and peers who are delinquent

• Early involvement in petty theft and behavioral disorders in grade school

• Sexual abuse and victimization

• Family dysfunction

• Early drug use and sexual activity

• Emotional disorders

• Exposure to violence

Everything in life I've done afraid. 

I've battled panic attacks since I was a young girl. Every time I get up to speak in front of a crowd I'm nervous, but after about a minute or so, I get over it, and I'm able to deliver a message of hope to a people that are at their wits ends. I won't let fear hold me back from saving other people's lives. 

No matter how scary it looks out there, we will fight this war on ABUSE, BULLYING and VIOLENCE, but we are going to need your support, through prayer, donations, and word of mouth to help pave the way for us to speak as we travel around the country.

We need commitments from you: If you would like to read more about what we do, what we believe, and what we've done already log onto www.abusebites.com

 

*I Will Support Abuse Bites through Prayer—Email us @ abusebites@gmail.com and write "Prayer" in the Subject box/ send us a little note, introducing yourself, and we will get back to you regularly with a list of current prayer needs.

*I Will Support Abuse Bites through a Monthly Financial Commitment—Email us @ abusebites@gmail.com and write "Monthly Financial Commitment" in the subject line and let us know how much you'd like to pledge/give per month and how you'd like to pay and we'll get back to you on a variety of ways you can send in your monthly commitment.

*I will Support Abuse Bites by Raising Awareness In My Community & Setting Up an ABUSE BITES RALLY—Email us @ abusebites@gmail.com and write "Abuse Bites Rally" in the subject line and give us your information and what you'd like to see happen in your community and we'll set the date and work closely with you to plan it all out.

*I will Donate now and when I can in the future, because I believe in what your family is doing and that Abuse Bites and I want to help Stop Abuse, Bullying and Violence. We'd also like to hear from you

1$ in CHANGE to Stop Abuse, Bullying, & Violence

This benefit is being thrown for our family in honor/memory of our son, Brian who died in August.

I am asking everyone around the world, every city, state, country, and nation to donate/give $1 American Dollar to the cause so we can use your spare CHANGE to CHANGE the world & Stop Abuse, Bullying and Violence.

We will use this money to travel all over the USA/World to educate others on how to get safe from abuse, bullying and violence. Every penny is tax deductible. 

Our son Brian was bullied all his life. He lived and died forgiving his bullies. After he died we found a CHANGE jar he'd been saving. We knew right away we were supposed to collect CHANGE to be the CHANGE for him and others who are bullied. RIP Brian 6/27/88 to 8/10/10.

Our son Jeremiah was nearly bullied to death. Our son Robert was a cutter and had 2 nervous breakdowns due to abuse. Our daughter Melissa was nearly choked to death in school and labeled "gay" because she chose not to date and save herself for the right man.

Please consider taking the $1 CHANGE CHALLENGE TODAY and tell all your email buddies, FB friends, and Twitter followers. We need your support to STOP ABUSE, BULLYING & VIOLENCE. Can you give just $1? If not, give what you can, pass this on, pray for us and our mission, and leave it in God's hands.

You can donate online @ http://www.takeabiteoutofabuse.com/change.html. Or send check or money order payable to: A Time To Heal

CHANGE to STOP ABUSE
PO BOX 1582
Owosso, MI  48867

Thank you for partnering with us!

The Abuse Bites Team
www.abusebites.com