A blog to educate, bring hope, and healing to all forms of abuse, bullying, and violence. We don't put a band-aid on abuse/bullying we offer complete healing and restoration to victims, bystanders, and bullies. Bullying is a behavior not who a person is.
Some people are confused today about what bullying is. BULLYING can be as simple as not accepting someone, or excluding them from your little group, or making a verbal comment about their choice of lifestyle, moral or religious beliefs.
I will tell you I am a Christian, but I love and accept all people of various religions, race, creed, and sexual orientation. I may not agree with all their views, but I respect and love them. The only people we can change is us.
The Bible tells us in Mathew 7:5 that we are hypocrites when we are looking at the speck in someone else’s eye, without first removing the PLANK in our own.
My daughter has chosen to live in a lesbian relationship. Do I agree with her decision, not fully, but I do accept her decision and love her no matter what.
That’s how God is, he loves us so much that he gave each of us a free will and choice.
So as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord, by loving and accepting all people, of all walks of life, and be the CHANGE that others need to see.
I’m an educator in the public schools as well. Acceptance and Differences are a couple of my favorite topics of discussion. With smaller children we use four very different looking puppets to display how different they are, but also to point out that underneath, just like us they are exactly the same—they’re puppets. For older children we play a dollar game. Each of seven kids are given various bills and coins that total a dollar. They all look very different, but they all equal the same, and have the same value just like us!
We are all different, yet very much the same.
We all want to feel accepted, valued and loved for who we are, not for how we look or the choices we make.
Matt’s Safe School Law just passed in Michigan. They finally accepted the law Kevin Epling and his wife Tammy have been working on for years in regard to their son Matt who committed suicide in relation to bullying. However, when the bill past, our legislature put a twist on that bill, that states anyone can still bully for moral or religious views. This is something that we as educators SHOULD NOT accept!
I hope you will stand with us and be the change that others need to see. Not only do we present workshops in schools, work places, and communities, but our goal is to leave each community better than when we came, and equipped with the tools they need to be the change. Safer Schools. Safer Families. Safer Communities.
Contact us today! I would love to speak with you about bringing our program to your community!
Seems like since I was a little girl, I was being fed one lie after another.
It started with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, but then more harmful dangerous lies came into play.
My brothers older friends, neighborhood boys/men, and even some of my friends from school did unspeakable acts I was sworn not to tell. “It will be our little secret,” they’d say. I wanted to tell my mom, but I was too ashamed and I was scared. I thought she’d probably blame me anyway. And many of my abusers had threatened me. What if their threats were true?
So I bought the lie. The lie that I had to stay in abusive relationships. The lie that no one would ever want me. The lie that no one would love me. The lie that I would have to settle for whoever came along.
All my life I bought the lie of abuse.
My alcoholic husband dropped to his knees and wept over my battered body, “I’m sorry. I promise if you stay I’ll never hurt you again.”
Sadly, I bought the lie again and again until he almost killed me. And even after I left him, I still kept buying the lies of abuse.
My 2nd husband, who went to church faithfully, swore a million times that he’d never look at pornography or cheat on me on me again.
I bought the lie time and time again and stayed with him for seven painful years until I learned he sexually abused our three children. That's when I began seeking the truth, and the truth set me free!
Don’t buy the lie! Don’t settle for abuse!
I know it's hard to break free. I didn’t even start getting my life together until the age of 26. I hadn’t even finished high school, let alone junior high. I had dropped out in the 7th grade. Yet, a single mother of three, I went back to school, got my GED, went onto college, maintained a 4.0, and made the Dean’s List. Later, after battling severe panic attacks and agoraphobia, I graduated from Vision International with a degree in Christian Ministry, became an Award-Winning Christian Author, Certified Pet Therapist/Dog Trainer, and started two non-profit organizations A Time To Heal and Abuse Bites to break the cycle of abuse and help others heal.
Abuse is a choice. You can be a victim or you can be a survivor. I was a victim far too long. Today I’m a survivor, because I stopped buying the lie. I pray that you do too! You deserve better. It's the truth that sets us free!
If you or someone you know is stuck in the cycle of abuse and needs help please call 9-1-1 or the national domestic abuse hotline @ 1-800-799-SAFE. You may also contact me. I’d love to help in any way I can.
We offer workshops to educate, prevent, and bring awareness on all types of abuse and bullying in the school, work place and community. We’d be honored to work with you to bring our program to your area! http://www.abusebites.com.
It's been less than 2 months since I buried my son. (Brian's story)
The grief from that has been enough to weigh on my heart, let alone being bullied through it. I wasn't out to hurt no one. I attacked no one. I simply logged onto my facebook account and posted my feelings on my wall. I have to admit, it was one of the roughest days I'd had since Brian passed. I haven't had much sleep due to my other son having a life threatening seizure. (Jeremiah's story)
I felt deserted. Hurt. Lonely. So I posted something about feeling hurt, that no one would probably understand, or if they did they'd be too busy with their own lives to respond.
A certain person, from the church I recently attended for more than two years, responded. More like, she viciously attacked me. She replied with a comment to say that I shouldn't be feeling like that or wallowing in my own grief and sorrow. Instead I should be like her, going to church 4 times a week, so I can fit in and receive love. After all she'd lost both parents and a sibling and knew what grief was like.
Why do we always try to fit everyone into our little box and stereotype their life?
That would be like me stereotyping how the church should act with me and my family. While they gave freely and liberally to another family in need, they seemed to forget our needs altogether. Other than the typical service our church gives to everyone, bringing 3 meals in right after the funeral; No one called, came over, or hardly posted anything encouraging on our facebook wall. Yet, we realized that this other family needed them, so we stepped back.
I have learned through these two hard years, you can be left out in a whole room full of people, even at church.
Sadly, me and my family know how that feels first hand. At church softball games we sat there watching as certain people passed right by us to offer everyone else hugs. We watched cliques form inside the church and even tried to speak to leadership about it, but was told there wasn't any and I was being deceived, and then the very next Sunday it became a sermon, and suddenly Jesus even had cliques! Many times I'd offered to serve in different areas in this particular church, but was told I did enough already, so I prayed and took my talents and gifts to reach others outside the four walls of the church.
We did reach people. We even brought many of these individuals into that same church. Sadly some of them were bullied and left out too. Some have moved on and found churches were they are loved and accepted, some are still there praying it will change.
Every time someone walked out the door, I heard, "Let 'em go. I don't even care why they left."
But in the Bible, Jesus clearly states that he is the Good Shepherd and if even one strayed off he would leave the 99 others and go after that one.
We are supposed to be the church, the body. It should affect us when someone walks away hurt or wounded. We should love them and pursue them in or outside the church walls.
I'm not condemning the church; I'm speaking to the body. Why are we attacking our own? I've been shown more love and compassion from people in the world that don't claim to have a personal relationship with Jesus or any affiliation with God. Why is that?
God designed the church to be a place for healing, love, acceptance, freedom and life, not a place of judgment, condemnation, or to be left out. We were all created equal, born with a free will. God is the only one who can ever change us or judge us.
So why do we keep trying to fit everyone into our own little box, and when they don't fit, we toss them out like rotten potatoes?
I can't speak for anyone else, but for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. And I will do what my son Brian would do, forgive my bullies, in and out of the church, in life and in death. Because if I keep holding this hurt inside, I know I'm only hurting myself. If I don't forgive, I will not be forgiven.
Forgiveness is key to healing any heart, sorrow, pain or grief. I hope you too can forgive those that have hurt you. And if I've hurt you, please forgive me.
Typically I'm not an MTV fan. However, when a girl who recently went through my pet therapy class facebook'd me and said, "You might want to watch this new TV show 'If You Really Knew Me' I think it would be something awesome to add to your anti-bullying program for high school students."
The program was amazing! I loved the show from beginning to end. What an eye opener! After watching this show, I hope we can take bits and pieces to incorporate them into our presentation. WOW!
During the first part of the show, you see the teens separated into various groups, preps, outcasts, popular, nerds, etc. But then students participate in a one-day program "Challenge Day" that breaks down the walls of separation. I watched how they interacted with the students to do various activities, and how the students began to break down emotionally. It was amazing! I loved when they split up into small groups and each shared something that no one would know about them. They purposely put the outcasts, nerds, and popular people together.
But the best part of all was when they asked all the students to stand together in back of the blue line. Then one by one they'd call out things like, "if you've ever been affected by someone close to you dying, someone or yourself taking drugs or alcohol, physically hit by a brother or sister, being yelled or screamed at, put down on a regular basis step over the line." Nearly all the kids stepped over. Then they said, "See, you're never alone. Someone else is going through the same stuff you are."
It was awesome to see the outcasts, nerds, and popular people all hugging each other. As I wiped the tears from my eyes, I thought about my own life. How I wished they had a program like this when I was growing up. Maybe I wouldn't have run away. Maybe I wouldn't have been so abused. Maybe I would have had friends.
If you really knew me, you'd know that all my life I felt like an outcast. In my family. At school. Even at church. People just didn't seem to accept me. I'm still very lonely and don't have many friends. Every church I've been in people have tight cliques and although they may say Hi and give me a hug sometimes, I still feel like that outcast on the outside looking in. My kids are all different and have special needs; they are often outcasts and not accepted either. I cry and ask God why sometimes.
If you really knew me you'd know that I didn't graduate from school. That I dropped out in 7th grade to run away with an older boyfriend. I was beaten, raped, kidnapped, and forced into dancing and prostitution. And I was homeless for two years because when I thought about going home, my boyfriend would beg me to stay telling me that we would never see each other again if I went home. This same boyfriend nearly beat me to death on our wedding night when I was 16. (Check out Lisa's book based on her true story)
If you really knew me, you'd know that in my second marriage my husband was supposedly a Christian man addicted to pornography, which was blamed on me from pastors and counselors for years. You'd know that I kept trying to be a better wife and please him, even though he had numerous affairs and gave me VD. You'd know that he later molested our three children. And you'd know that when I did kick him out, that he kidnapped my children and I had to pretend to get back with him to get them in my custody, and then sneak off to a shelter with them one day while he was at work. (Check out my book based on our true story, "The Pictures That Destroy The Mind" )
If you really knew me, you'd know that me, my entire family, and even our dogs have been abused. My eldest son was a cutter and nearly committed suicide. My daughter was called gay, was emotionally impaired, and almost strangled to death by another student. My youngest son was nearly bullied to death in high school. And my son, Brian is autistic, only has two chambers in his heart, and needs a heart transplant. (Check out our entire family/even our dog's various healings)
If you really knew me, you'd also know that I overcome fear every day to speak and share my story of abuse survival. You'd know that sometimes I feel overwhelmed and depressed and like I have no one to turn to. (Check out a Vision Lisa had that keeps her going)
If you really knew me, you'd know that I struggle in my marriage even though I'm married to a wonderful Christian now, I fall in my Christian walk, and I'm having a hard time with all the emotions that go along with menopause. (Check out Lisa's healing testimony)
If you really knew me, you'd know that it breaks my heart every time a child is bullied; a teen even thinks of suicide or becomes a victim of dating violence. You'd know that I want to do more to help, in the schools, churches, and communities abroad. And you'd also know that I couldn't go out and do any of this if God hadn't brought me Snickers. (Lisa & Snickers story)
If you really knew me, you'd know that a lot of people attack me and get the wrong idea about me. That I only want to do God's will, not my own. That I don't care about fame or fortune, I just care about reaching others and helping them heal from abusive lifestyles. And helping them so they don't make the same bad choices I made.
If you really knew me, you'd know that sometimes I just want to give up. Doing a ministry, non-profit, training dogs, and caring for four adult children with special needs is a ton of work.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I have learned to give it all to God. He is the reason I do and can do anything I do. I get excited and afraid every time I know I'm going to speak or write. The excitement comes from knowing I will hopefully be able to help others, the fear comes from all the abuse and rejection I suffered. People even in the church have rejected me, my book, and my testimony and made me feel like dirt, and like I'm not as good as them.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I have learned to surrender to Jesus. He was horribly rejected and abused too. I want to be like him, so I forgive all, realizing that people are just people, they will hurt us, but if we don’t forgive them, we hurt ourselves far more.
Like Paul says in Philippians 3:14, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
