Cyberbullying--Protecting Yourself & Kids

Have you/your child been a victim of cyberbullying? Have they gotten mean or threatening e-mail messages or facebook postings? Well, if so, apparently you're not alone.

According to i-Safe America, after doing a survey on bullying, with kids of varying ages all over the country, statistics for cyberbullying (bullying online) were higher than any other type of bullying. They found that 42% of kids had been bullied online, and 1 out of 4 were repeated offenders. A whopping 35 % had been threatened, and nearly 1 out of 5 had this happen more than once. 21% had received mean or threatening e-mail or other messages, and 58% admit someone has said mean or hurtful things to them online, where 4 out of 10 say it repeatedly happened.

On the flip side, 53% of the kids admitted to having said something mean or hurtful to another person. More than 1 out of 3 had done it more than once. And an astounding 58% did not tell their parents or an adult about something mean or hurtful that happened online.

Don't think even if it is a child at school that the school will handle it. Schools have been sued by cyberbullies and the bullies have won. However, a school may educate and inform you on how best to handle the situation for you and your child.

There are ways you can fight back. But first we must understand a few facts. There are 3 ways of cyberbullying:

1. Sending mean, hurtful or threatening messages via electronic communication (e-mail, IM, text, posts to social networking sites).

2. Pretending to be someone you're not in order to embarrass or harass a person. (Pretending to be someone you're not in order to gain access to personal information is not only cyberbullying, it's identity theft.

3. Posting pictures or video of another person in order to harass or embarrass that person.

Cyberbullying is actually more hurtful and unsafe than any other type of bullying because:

• The victim has no safe place! Most people who are bullied can go home to escape the abuse and bullying. But with cyberbullying the harassment always follows the victim through their cell phones and computers.
• The victim sees the messages over and over again! Victims of cyberbullying usually read the hurtful messages trying to figure out why they are being bullied. This repetitive confusion and self-doubt has a severe effect on the child.
• Cyberbullying is viral! Schoolyard bullying usually only involves a few individuals. With cyberbullying, the whole world is privy to the child's humiliation.

Different Types of Bullies:

• Control Bully: this person bullies to gain control--they believe that they can only have relationships and friendships if they control the other person.
• Victim--Now Bully: this happens a lot in cyberbullying--where the victim starts to bully the bully
• The Mean Bully: this person thinks that it's funny to put others down because they're making people laugh
• I Didn't Mean To Bully: this person doesn't really think of themselves as a bully. They usually act without thinking, and later when confronted will truly feel remorse, because they didn't mean to hurt anyone.

Although Bullies can be motivated by jealousy, they are primarily motivated strong dislike of others and power and control.

• Never think you can fix the bully
• You can't stop a bully from controlling others
• You can't make a bully like his/her victim
• You can't even ignore a bully
• The only thing you can do--is change you-- you can help yourself/child to understand why you're/they're being bullied, take back the control, and build up your/their self-esteem

Protecting Your Yourself & Your Kids

STOP: When you/your child sees a negative message, don't respond to it.
BLOCK: You/Your child should immediately block this person from sending any further messages.
REPORT: You/Your Child should print out any negative/bullying messages and tell someone right away. The sooner this is acted upon the sooner it will stop.

You Can Stop Cyberbullying--It's Your Choice

There are 4 People Who Play A Part In Cyberbullying:

1. The Bully--person directly involved, who's sending the messages
2. The Victim--person who is being bullied
3. The Bystander--person who knows about it but does nothing good or bad (so they are bullying by not getting help for the person)
4. The Advocate--person is who, although not directly involved, chooses to confront the bully about the situation and attempt to stop the bullying

The best way to stop cyberbullying is by educating yourself/your kids about these important things, and if you want to make sure you/your kids stay safe online is with remove it now @
http://www.removeitnow.com/Cyber-Bullying1.html

MTV has also created a new campaign "A Thin Line" to raise awareness about digital and text abuse. Read more http://www.care2.com/causes/womens-rights/blog/textual-harassment-and-digital-abuse-cell-phones-facebook-and-twitter-oh-my/

Resources from this article came from: http://www.momlogic.com/2010/04/how_to_really_talk_to_your_kids_about_cyberbullying.php

Fear Of Being Bullied

Do you live in fear every day? Did you stop going certain places for fear you'd be bullied? Have you become a prisoner in your own home?

An estimated 160,000 children stay home from school every day for fear of being bullied. 30 % of all parents fear that their child will be hurt at school. And four out of ten kids are bullied or know someone who is.

My son, Jeremiah, was one of those kids. He was bullied in the 5th grade all the way until his junior year. His self-esteem dropped to an all time low. He feared going to school. He feared being around other kids. And he feared leaving the house.

Jeremiah would always make excuses for not wanting to go places. I thought he was just getting older and didn't want to hang out with us. But he had developed a severe panic disorder from the bullying he suffered. For a time he totally isolated himself for fear no one would accept him.

Thankfully we got him help and he now helps in our program "Take A Bite Out Of Abuse" by sharing his story and songs that he wrote to help others.

Signs Your Child Is Living In Fear Of Being Bullied:

-Say their sick and can't go to school

-Say they don't want to go places they used to enjoy going

-Say they don't want to join groups (basketball, karate, etc)

-Stay home all the time and don't want to go anywhere

-Stop hanging out with friends or make excuses not to


Some Ways You Can Help Them Conquer Their Fears


-Talk with them about the situation

-Get them into a counselor/therapist

-See your regular doctor in case they might need some medication

-Don't allow them to isolate themselves

-Require them to come along to all events and family outings, letting them know that if they feel panic coming on, you'll be there for them, and if they need to get some air, that's okay

-Require them to join a group of their choosing, but be ready to talk, listen, and intervene if bullying should start there too

*For more information or to see what we are doing to fight back, log onto our website @ http://www.abusebites.com

"All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. Though you search for your enemies you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be nothing at all. For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Do not be afraid." Isaiah 41:11-14a

Author & Dog In Active Duty To Fight Bullying

Lisa Freeman, an award-winning author of Owosso, and her therapy dog, Snickers, have been honored with the position as Healing Projects Specialist with the Bully Police USA (www.bullypolice.org). Bully Police USA is a Watch-dog Organization-advocating for bullied children and reporting on state anti bullying laws.

"When I contacted Brenda High about becoming a member, I was blown away," Freeman said. "She said, 'I love your program and I've never heard of anything like what you offer. You're stories of healing are so amazing. And everyone loves dogs.' That's when she said was adding us to her speaker's bureau and also asked me to be their Healing Projects Specialist."

Freeman first learned about Brenda High after doing some research on bullying. Ms. High founded the non-profit organization in honor of her son, Jared, who was a victim of bullying and who later took his own life @ 13 as a result of bullying (bullycide). More about Jared can be found @ http://www.jaredstory.com/.

Jared's mother works feverishly to get anti bullying laws passed in the United States so that kids and parents won't have to suffer the way she and her son have. Although there isn't an anti bullying law in Michigan at this moment, "Matt's Law" is currently in the works, in honor of Matt Epling, who was also a victim of bullycide in 2002. More about Matt can be found @ http://mattepling.webs.com/antibullying.htm.

As an active member of the Bully Police USA, Freeman, her dogs, and family hope to tackle the war on bullying here in Michigan, through their innovative program Take A Bite Out Of Abuse. They will not only educate, bring awareness, and safety techniques to children, parents, and educators, but they will also help those who have been abused/bullied to find hope and healing in their own lives.

Recently Take A Bite Out Of Abuse was asked by RAVE to present their program to staff members in Clinton County. "After we finished," Freeman says, "we were told that it was the best anti bullying program they've ever seen, and would refer us to all schools in the area in the upcoming year. "

For more information about bullying, abuse, or Take A Bite Out OF Abuse and the workshops offered, please feel free to contact Lisa Freeman via web @ www.abusebites.com or www.runtolife.org, via email @ abusebites@gmail.com, or via phone @ 989-729-2124.

Are You Running To Abuse & Bullying?

It's funny. Or maybe it's not. But all my life I wanted more than anything to be loved, accepted and feel important. Still somehow I always seemed to run in the wrong direction.

Inside I always wanted to do the right thing. But I was sucked in to going along with the crowd so I'd have friends and fit in somewhere.

I was afraid of doing drugs, but everyone in my neighborhood smoked pot. They already thought I did it, so I was cool. Until one day when we were hanging out and they lit up a joint. I was scared to death. When they passed the joint my way I wanted to say no and run home. But I didn't want to look like some dork or be the odd girl out. Yet, my heart pounded like it would explode right out my chest. I just knew if I took a hit I'd die. Still I went along with the crowd.

Another time my supposed BF (best friend--and I use the term FRIEND loosely) and I were shopping. She talked me into stealing. It was scary at first. But I grabbed the pair of earrings and hurried out of the store. Wow! I got away with it! And I got some really nice jewelry for nothing! The next day we did it again. After only a couple weeks I had all this amazing jewelry and I was even ripping off clothes. Everything seemed to be going pretty good. Until one day I was with this same girl in JC Penney's. I had ripped a purse for myself and started walking home, but then she wanted me to go back to the store and get her one too. I didn't have a good feeling about it at all. My gut screamed, "NO!" But she kept pleading and begging, so I went back in, and you guessed it, I got busted. And where was my so called BF while I got a good talking to and threatened that if I ever came back in the store, they'd call my parents, of course she ditched me and took off.

Guys would ditch me too. Oh they'd say they'd love me and that they'd be there for me, but they weren't. As soon as they got what they wanted they'd be gone. Or if they were still around, they were only there to hurt and abuse me.

I'd like to say I got smart and hung out with better people. I didn't. For years I ran to a lifestyle of abuse and let others bully me. It wasn't until much later, as a grown woman, that I learned life is all about choices and I could literally choose friends/relationships that were good and would benefit me, or I could continue to make the poor choices I'd been making.

Basically I was a 7th grade middle school drop out, who suffered through 2 painfully abusive marriages, and became a nothing, but at 26, now a single mother of three I went back to school, got my GED, went onto college where I maintained a 4.0 and made the Dean's List, got a degree in Christian Ministry, and became an Award-Winning Christian Author, Teacher, Speaker, Pet Therapist, and Abuse Advocate. Today I'm running to life and I'm more happy than I've ever been.

It's our choice. We can keep running to bad relationships and a life of abuse or bullying that will bring us down, or we can stop the cycle of abuse and make the choice to run in the right direction--to life and be set free.

I hope you won't have to suffer the way I have. That's why I'm fighting back, by sharing my story through speaking at churches, anti-bullying workshops in schools, and writing books and blogging. By getting this information out there, others can break free too.

Kick the Bully's Butt--Fight Back God's Way

Wow! Life has been absolutely crazy lately. For months, even a couple years now, I've been doing a lot of research on bullying and abuse. As I studied kids who'd been bullied, I came across Jared's story of bullycide--his mom Brenda founded The Bully Police USA. Her precious son was bullied to the point that he became depressed and took his own life. I can so relate. The same thing nearly happened to my son, Jeremiah, two years ago.



Jeremiah was just starting his sophomore year. He'd been bullied since he was in the 5th grade, but he'd always had his older brother and sister to rely on and hang out with. But they had both graduated the previous year, so it left him all alone and feeling defenseless when the bully attacked him that first day of school.

He reported the bullying right away and they thought they had handled the situation by talking to the bully. However the bullying never stopped. In fact it got to the point that my son's life was threatened, he began having panic attacks, and he started feeling so desperate and hated facing school so much that he took a belt and wrapped it around his neck three times.

Luckily Jeremiah stopped before it was too late and confided in us after some questioning just how bad it had gotten. So we got him the help and the protection he needed. But believe me, we had to fight for it!

Today we are teaming up with Brenda and other parents/educators to help kids/adults who've been bullied and to prevent others from being bullied. We are now the Healing Projects Specialist for the Bully Police USA and are fighting back against bullying and abuse with our new program "Take A Bite Out Of Abuse".

We teach students, parents, and educators how to fight/defeat the bully without violence:

Here's 10 things every child/parent should know...

1. Statistics show us that 1 out of 10 kids are bullies, but there are nine others who aren't bullies, so if those nine simply STICK TOGETHER, they can defeat the bully (there is power in numbers)

2. Most kids are bullied when alone--so always be paired up with a partner

3. Speak Up. Not only for yourself, but others too. Report all bullying the second it happens to a safe adult (if online/cyber bullying print it up and don't respond back and show it to the proper authorities)

4. Don't walk away when others are being bullied (if you're too afraid to stay there, at least get help for the one being bullied). If you aren't a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem. By walking away and doing nothing you are just as bad as the person bullying.

5. If a bully approaches you try to walk/run away and get help.

6. Try befriending bullies, do something nice for them (if you can), as most bullies have probably been bullied. Hurt people usually hurt people.

7. Bullying is never about ANGER, it's always about power and control.

8. If you don't seem to be getting help after reporting a bullying incident and it keeps happening, keep climbing the ladder and talking to the next person up in authority.

9. We must realize that most bullies are afraid too, afraid of being hurt again, so therefore they hurt others.

10. Over 100,000 kids are bullied each day and afraid to go to school.

Now you Can Help us:

To help us fight this war on bullying you can go to your school and request that they get an educational anti-bullying program in place that will teach not only safety and prevention, but healing techniques for those who've already been bullied and abused.

Our program is just one of many @ www.abusebites.com

Valentine's Day

Normally on Valentine's Day, we think of couples celebrating. Couples generally give flowers and make plans for a romantic getaway. Whether it be a nice candlelit dinner, a night home alone, or even a weekend away.

John and I have had many of those wonderful moments.

But this year, we're spending our weekend just a little different. Because our economy is so hard hit, and there is so much need, we have decided to help poor, needy, and abused families. We will be hosting our first annual "Healing Hearts" bake sale and fundraiser in honor of Heart Awareness Month.

The greatest gift you can give anyone is Love, and what better time, than during Valentine's Day.

What are you doing to help the needy and abused in your neighborhood, city, community, or state? Your hands might deliver the only help these needy souls would ever receive. Won't you consider what you can do to help today and spread the love to stop abuse? I'm thankful for the woman named Lisa who took time to help me... in turn, now I can help other Lisa's all over the world. Who is a Lisa, Linda, Susan, Lori, June, Janice, Heather, etc that you could help?

Lisa Freeman

Who's Stalking Now?

Who's stalking now? That's a good question. Actually, anyone can stalk someone and anyone can be the victim of stalking.

Stalking is a crime that affects over one million women and nearly 375,000 men each year in America. Victims of stalking are harassed and intimidated and, in far too many cases, physically harmed and even murdered. It is a pervasive crime that merits our collective concern and dedication to collaborative prevention and response efforts.

Statistics from the National Violence Against Women Survey tell us that approximately 1.5 million people are stalked every year in the United States and 4 out of 5 of those victims are women. Most often, female victims were stalked by an intimate partner.

There is a strong correlation between intimate partner stalking and the related crimes of domestic violence and sexual assault.It is important to educate everyone about the types of stalking behaviors. Stalking can include repeated phone calls, following, damage to property or homes, and any other action that controls or frightens someone.Increasingly, more individuals are engaged in “cyberstalking” by using the internet, chat rooms, message boards, and electronic tracking devices to harass their victims.

Any form of stalking can be terrifying, no matter what the age of the victim, or whether the victim knows the stalker or not.Education and safety planning is critical to the prevention and detection of this serious crime. OVW is committed to keeping stalking victims safe and holding stalkers accountable for their deplorable actions---not just in January, but in every month of the year.

If you feel that you are in imminent danger, trust your instincts and do what makes you feel safe. Consider going to a safe location such as a police station. Call 911 if you fear for your immediate safety.

-Know that you are not to blame for the stalker’s behavior.·

-Call your local domestic violence or sexual assault program to get support and hear about options and resources.

-Call the National Stalking Resource Center for support (1-800-FYI-CALL).·

-Consider getting a protection order to keep the stalker away from you. Visit Legal section for more information.

-Keep a log of the stalking incidences to show the pattern of events. Write down every incident that happens including all the times, dates and other information.

-Keep videotapes, answering machine or voicemail messages, photos of property damage, emails and letters you receive.

-Know that technology can be used to track you.

-Tell important people about the stalking problem including the police, your employer, and family, friends and neighbors.

Internet Safety Alert:*If you think your activities are being monitored, please try to use a safer computer which is unknown or un-accessible to your abuser.

Trust is a huge issue when going through stalking and tough relationships, but that's when I learned to lean on and trust in God even more. He showed me that although certain people in my life were trying to hurt me, He was trying to get me into a safer, better environment to bring healing and take all my former pain away. So this New Year's Day, I pray blessings, healing, safety, and a bright future over all of you who may be seeking a safe refuge during this time--

God bless,

Lisa Freeman