Speech About Healing From Abuse & Bullying

Let me first say I am both humbled and honored to be here tonight. When Coach Dave Wilson asked me to speak, I was honored, yet at the same time didn't know if I could meet the challenge. Not just because one of my son, Brian, just passed away. But because of an abusive lifestyle I suffered, I have battled with severe panic attacks for years. Yet when God opens a door, even though I might feel fear initially, I know that with him I can do all things.

Yes, with God all things are possible.

Most of you probably don't know that my son Jeremiah also battled severe panic attacks. His panic is also related to being bullied and abused. By the 10^th grade he was bullied so badly in school that he became desperate and even suicidal. Even when we got him the help he needed and began schooling him at home, he had severe panic attacks any time he left the house.

He tried to fit in with other kids outside of school at the YMCA. Even tried to join the Y's basketball team, but he was bullied there too. Even though he was a pretty good player, they didn't allow him the chance to be on the team.

That's when we heard about THE FALCONS and spoke with Coach Hadley. He signed Jeremiah up right away for the next season. But in the meantime Jeremiah was invited to basketball practices and basketball camps, which took place in this very gym.

I'm not going to tell you Jeremiah wasn't nervous or never had panic attacks again. But what I am going to tell you is that this gym is where Jeremiah's healing began. On the court he gained back everything those bullies had stolen from him and so much more. We watched as he persevered to overcome every obstacle in his way, to become not only a STARTER basketball player that made excellent 3 point shots, but a wonderful young man of God.

So I want to thank Coach Hadley, Coach Dave, all the Falcons, and the Owosso Free Methodist Church for literally saving our son's life. God used all of you and this awesome place to bring about a healing that we could have never given him. Yes, with God all things are possible, especially when people like you make amazing sacrifices and pray the price. Thank you for being instruments in the Lords hands. Thank you all and God bless!

For more on our workshops, speaking, etc log onto http://www.abusebites.com 

Cyberbullying--Protecting Yourself & Kids

Have you/your child been a victim of cyberbullying? Have they gotten mean or threatening e-mail messages or facebook postings? Well, if so, apparently you're not alone.

According to i-Safe America, after doing a survey on bullying, with kids of varying ages all over the country, statistics for cyberbullying (bullying online) were higher than any other type of bullying. They found that 42% of kids had been bullied online, and 1 out of 4 were repeated offenders. A whopping 35 % had been threatened, and nearly 1 out of 5 had this happen more than once. 21% had received mean or threatening e-mail or other messages, and 58% admit someone has said mean or hurtful things to them online, where 4 out of 10 say it repeatedly happened.

On the flip side, 53% of the kids admitted to having said something mean or hurtful to another person. More than 1 out of 3 had done it more than once. And an astounding 58% did not tell their parents or an adult about something mean or hurtful that happened online.

Don't think even if it is a child at school that the school will handle it. Schools have been sued by cyberbullies and the bullies have won. However, a school may educate and inform you on how best to handle the situation for you and your child.

There are ways you can fight back. But first we must understand a few facts. There are 3 ways of cyberbullying:

1. Sending mean, hurtful or threatening messages via electronic communication (e-mail, IM, text, posts to social networking sites).

2. Pretending to be someone you're not in order to embarrass or harass a person. (Pretending to be someone you're not in order to gain access to personal information is not only cyberbullying, it's identity theft.

3. Posting pictures or video of another person in order to harass or embarrass that person.

Cyberbullying is actually more hurtful and unsafe than any other type of bullying because:

• The victim has no safe place! Most people who are bullied can go home to escape the abuse and bullying. But with cyberbullying the harassment always follows the victim through their cell phones and computers.
• The victim sees the messages over and over again! Victims of cyberbullying usually read the hurtful messages trying to figure out why they are being bullied. This repetitive confusion and self-doubt has a severe effect on the child.
• Cyberbullying is viral! Schoolyard bullying usually only involves a few individuals. With cyberbullying, the whole world is privy to the child's humiliation.

Different Types of Bullies:

• Control Bully: this person bullies to gain control--they believe that they can only have relationships and friendships if they control the other person.
• Victim--Now Bully: this happens a lot in cyberbullying--where the victim starts to bully the bully
• The Mean Bully: this person thinks that it's funny to put others down because they're making people laugh
• I Didn't Mean To Bully: this person doesn't really think of themselves as a bully. They usually act without thinking, and later when confronted will truly feel remorse, because they didn't mean to hurt anyone.

Although Bullies can be motivated by jealousy, they are primarily motivated strong dislike of others and power and control.

• Never think you can fix the bully
• You can't stop a bully from controlling others
• You can't make a bully like his/her victim
• You can't even ignore a bully
• The only thing you can do--is change you-- you can help yourself/child to understand why you're/they're being bullied, take back the control, and build up your/their self-esteem

Protecting Your Yourself & Your Kids

STOP: When you/your child sees a negative message, don't respond to it.
BLOCK: You/Your child should immediately block this person from sending any further messages.
REPORT: You/Your Child should print out any negative/bullying messages and tell someone right away. The sooner this is acted upon the sooner it will stop.

You Can Stop Cyberbullying--It's Your Choice

There are 4 People Who Play A Part In Cyberbullying:

1. The Bully--person directly involved, who's sending the messages
2. The Victim--person who is being bullied
3. The Bystander--person who knows about it but does nothing good or bad (so they are bullying by not getting help for the person)
4. The Advocate--person is who, although not directly involved, chooses to confront the bully about the situation and attempt to stop the bullying

The best way to stop cyberbullying is by educating yourself/your kids about these important things, and if you want to make sure you/your kids stay safe online is with remove it now @
http://www.removeitnow.com/Cyber-Bullying1.html

MTV has also created a new campaign "A Thin Line" to raise awareness about digital and text abuse. Read more http://www.care2.com/causes/womens-rights/blog/textual-harassment-and-digital-abuse-cell-phones-facebook-and-twitter-oh-my/

Resources from this article came from: http://www.momlogic.com/2010/04/how_to_really_talk_to_your_kids_about_cyberbullying.php

Homeless Not Hopeless

In Honor Of National Homeless Awareness Month

With such trying times in the US, the crashing economy, and bullying & abuse at every avenue--there are probably more homeless people than many of us know.

I've been homeless at various times. Once by choice, as a teen when I ran away with an older boyfriend. For two years we hitchhiked all over the US with nothing but the clothes on our backs. I was starving, frozen, beaten, raped, kidnapped, and nearly killed. The only thing that saved me every time, was prayer and faith in God to set me free.

Later in life I was married to an abusive man who turned his porn addiction onto our three children. I was forced to leave my home, with just a suitcase and three small children. For over a month we stayed at a "safe house shelter" for victims of abuse.

Staying at shelters isn't easy. I totally agree. But it's better than putting you or yourself in harms way. It's totally better than being homeless. It's a roof over your head, a meal in your stomach, and a chance to sort things out while you decide what is best for you/ and or your children.

After two terribly abusive marriages, I got my life back together. I suffered years of panic attacks and fears, but have managed to become an award-winning author and speaker.

If I can do it, you can too. Today, I'm an abuse survivor. You don't have to be a victim, you can survive too. If you need help or to get out of an abusive situation, please get help. You can either log onto my website http://www.abusebites.com/ or call 1-800-799-SAFE.

Most Shelters Provide:

-A SAFE PLACE TO STAY
-Beds for you & your child
-Dresser for your clothes
-Food
-Clothes
-Baby Needs
-Hygiene Products
-Support & Counseling
-Assistance With Child Care

*So don't hesitate. If you're in an abusive situation GET OUT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!