Speaker:Breakbullyingcycle
Friday, October 26, 2007
AMY PAYNE
THE SAGINAW NEWS
At only 7 pounds, 3 1/2-month-old Baby Ruth might fight bullies in the ultra-lightweight class, but she's not lacking enthusiasm.
The tiny Chihuahua mix and Snickers, a 9-year-old fox terrier mix, serve as the mascots for ''Take a Bite Out of Abuse,'' the brainchild of Owosso resident Lisa Freeman.
Freeman, an abuse survivor, tours mid-Michigan with her pets to raise awareness about bullying and other forms of abuse. Thursday, she and the dogs visited fifth- through eighth-graders at St. Thomas Aquinas Elementary School in Saginaw Township.
''You can't let bullies abuse you; you have to speak up,'' Freeman said.
Snickers -- wearing a fake leather motorcycle jacket emblazoned with the phrase ''BULLY BUSTER'' in red embroidered letters -- rose to his hind legs and barked.
''You may have to turn the other cheek,'' Freeman continued.
Snickers rolled over.
Mistreatment comes in many forms, Freeman said -- not just pushes and shoves, but emotional manipulation as well.
''A lot of times if people say mean things to us, we don't think it's abuse,'' Freeman said.
''Someone says, 'I'm not going to be your friend if you do that,' '' Freeman said to the students gathered in the parochial school's gymnasium. ''Ever hear that one?''
''Yeah,'' the students replied in unison.
Teens also can abuse themselves, Freeman said, not only in physical ways like cutting or drug abuse, but by constantly blaming themselves, maintaining a poor body image or staying in an abusive relationship.
''We can bully ourselves by trying to be cool, look cool or be something we're not,'' Freeman said.
She tailors her presentations to the age group she's talking with. For elementary students such as the ones at St. Thomas Aquinas, she'll focus on bullying; as the audience gets older, the talk shifts to relationship violence and self-abuse.
The cycle of abuse continues because victims often turn on others so they can feel better, Freeman said.
''I was both bullied and a bully when I was growing up,'' she said. ''It felt good to have that power.
''By fifth grade, I was the one everyone was afraid of -- but it was because I didn't feel good about myself.''
Using her full name -- Elisabeth A. Freeman -- she penned several books, including ''Run For Your Life,'' a fictionalized account of some of her experiences as a 13-year-old teen runaway living with a violent boyfriend.
Freeman said she hopes teens take her life as an example ''so they never make the bad choices that I did,'' she said.
To drive the message home, Freeman had several students illustrate how sticking together can help stop bullying. Nine students took one end of a tug-of-war rope, and another student -- the ''bully'' -- took the other.
When both sides keep struggling against each other with force, no one goes anywhere. But ''if we let go in a bullying situation, the bully falls down,'' Freeman said.
For more information on Abuse Bites, call Freeman at (989) 729-2124 or visit www.abusebites.com.
Amy Payne is a staff writer for The Saginaw News. You may reach her at 776-9687.
©2007 Saginaw News
© 2007 Michigan Live. All Rights Reserved.
online article found @ http://www.mlive.com/news/saginawnews/index.ssf?/base/news-24/119340674782800.xml&coll=9
Friday, October 26, 2007
Sunday, October 14, 2007
My First Love
MY FIRST LOVE
I had no idea when I met my boyfriend at 13 that he would be abusive. It seemed like love at first sight. Something you'd read about in a fairy tale. So when he became jealous, controlling, or slapped me, I just thought he did it because he loved me. After all, he was all I dreamed about. I loved him so much I even ran away with him just so we could be together all the time.
I'd never been out of my small hometown, let alone hitchhiked before. But he assured me everything would be okay, I just needed to follow his lead. He led me into a whole new world. I had to lie, steal, cheat, beg, borrow, and scam people just to survive. Yet I was homeless, starving, cold, and wanted to go home many times. He told me if I did we'd never be together again.
So I continued living on the streets where I was kidnapped, beaten, raped, forced into prostitution & topless dancing, not to mention using drugs and alcohol just to kill the pain. But nothing was more terrifying and painful, than when my boyfriend turned on me in a violent rage and became the person he promised he would never become--his alcoholic abusive father.
When he was sober he was a different person. He'd hold me in his arms and cry, promising he would never hurt me again. I believed him. Time and time again. I even married him, when I turned 16, with my parents consent. But his drunken rages became more frequent and violent until one day he nearly killed me. That's the day I barely escaped!
I want girls to know my story, and that most of the time, if you're in an abusive or controlling relationship, it usually doesn't get better. My husband went to counseling and everything like that, but he only got worse. So, please do yourself a favor if you see this same abusive pattern in your life, get out before it's too late.
A friend of mine, 19-year-old Susie Crim, wasn't so fortunate. The night she tried to end her abusive relationship with her boyfriend, he met her at their apartment and shot her in the neck. Now she's paralyzed from the shoulders down. It's sad to say, but actually, she's one of the lucky ones. Because today many parents are having to plan their daughter's funerals.
That's why I wrote my book "Run For Your Life" to help other girls/women not to make the same mistakes I did. So they won't end up like me, Susie, or even worse. My prayer and hope is for them is to RUN TO LIFE, not to all the things I did.
As most of us know, our first love can be so romantic, awesome, and wonderful, but it can also turn deadly if we aren't careful and catch the warning signs.
So, please if you start to see signs of control and physical violence in your relationship, do yourself a favor, and get out or get help. Because LOVE IS NOT ABUSE, and you don't have to keep suffering. You have rights. You do have a choice--so CHOOSE LIFE before it's too late!
*And let me clarify, that although I've been abused by men my whole life, there are a lot of girls and women who abuse guys too. And now there is also help available for them.
WARNING SIGNS
Parents if you think your daughter /son may be a victim of dating violence
Click Here
GET HELP
Call 9-1-1
or
Your National Domestic Abuse Hotline @
1-800-799-7233
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