VERBAL ABUSE IS RATED #1

Recently we've taken statistics from several schools where we've presented (elementary through high school) and I guess it's no surprise really, that VERBAL ABUSE is the #1 form of abuse that most of the kids have suffered from.

We've all heard the saying that "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me". But we all know that couldn't be farther from the truth, because words do hurt. The fact is, words can either be used as a weapon thrown like a dagger straight through our heart or can be the healing salve on an open wound.

The Bible actually says, that the power of life and death is in the tongue. I believe that's true.

I'm just as guilty of ripping people apart with my words as the next person. I'm sort of humorous and I always have to get the last laugh. Many times, unfortunately, it was at someone else's expense. Recently, I've had to rethink my humor and try not to bash anyone, especially those that I love. And I'm actually laughing a lot more and enjoying what I do!

In our presentations we get real with kids/teens and explain that most bullying starts with gossip, teasing, or another form of verbal abuse. We also explain that each of us have the choice and the freedom to stop it, by simply zipping our lips. I become so transparent in my workshops that I share many of my bad qualities (that I've bullied/abused others), but they also see the other side, that after a horrible life of abusing and abuse, I'm now reaching out to help others. The truth is everyone has bad qualities, but they also have good qualities. So I tell them to look for the good in others. To do unto others as they'd have done unto them. To love their neighbor as themselves.

We do several demonstrations with students as we speak to them. The most powerful game we play is tug o war. We put one person on one end (the bully) and nine other students on the other end. We tell the 9 students to pull real hard, then simply let go. The bully falls. Problem solved. Too many times in an abusive situation we are making the situation worse by hanging on to the problem, but if we just let go, then we are free. We also explain that there is power in numbers and just by simply standing together we can defeat the bully/abuser every time.

There are so many powerful tactics students, teachers, parents and educators are learning from this program. But not as much as I have gained putting it together.

I've learned so much from these kids and these surveys, it's unbelievable. And it's amazing that nearly 90 % of all the kids who filled out a survey thanked us for our program and have learned at least one important strategy to getting out of an abusive, violent, or bullying situation. And the teachers were equally shocked by the types of things they can do to work together with students and parents to stop this abuse in its tracks.

Won't you please help us get this important message out there so we can literally stop abuse, violence, and bullying? We don't want another mall shooting, what happened at Virginia Tech, or even Columbine. What we want is to bring this country back to the peace, safety, and love we once knew!

All you have to do is tell everyone about our website www.abusebites.com, our program, and call your local church, schools, and libraries. If you want to see your community change for the better, please let us Take A Bite Out Of Abuse!

Thanks so much for taking time to read this and may you have a blessed and safe New Year,


~Lisa Freeman

Bullied To Death

Nearly a year ago, in SEVENTEEN Magazine,I read an intriguing article "Bullied To Death". As I read the horrific story of this fine young man, my heart gripped within me. Jeff Johnston, 15, was literally pushed over the edge by cyber bullying and felt SUICIDE was the only way out.

Jeff was a straight A student, who loved math, science, and animals. He even became a vegetarian in 7th grade and said, "I'll never eat anything with a face on it."

The start of his 7th grade year was jamming. He had a new girlfiriend, some friends, and seemed to be on the top of the world. However, a few days later, he came into his mother's science class in tears. "She broke up with me because she thinks I'm saying mean things about her."

The next day a boy who was in three of Jeff's classes began following him through the halls. "Faggot!" the kid called.

Jeff, totally in shock, just walked away. Later that day when he was trying to patch things up with his girlfriend, this kid showed up again, "Stalker!" he shouted.

Jeff had no idea why this kid was doing this, since the two barely knew each other. But it only got worse.

A few days later in class, this boy passed a note to all of Jeff's friends, telling them that Jeff was saying mean things about them. Even though Jeff told his friends none of it was true, they didn't believe him.

From there, he received threatening phone calls at home. That's when his mother decided to answer the phone. When she picked up a boy on the other end shouted, "Everyone hates your son!" and hung up. Although Jeff's mother went to the principal about this and the other incidents, nothing was ever done to stop this boy or his crude comments.

After a half a dozen similar phone calls, he began slamming Jeff online too. Jeff was playing a computer game that he had created one day and some boys hacked in on it. "Jeff's a faggot," one wrote. "And Jeff should die popped up."

He told his mom right then, "I'm going to kill myself if I have to go back to school." So his mother allowed him to stay home for a couple of weeks. When he went back to school, he felt ugly, overweight, and tried to hide his face. No matter how much he tried to hide, the abuse and threats only worsened.

On June 28, 2005, he sent an email to his friend Kaley who he had known since middle school. "I'm kind of depressed," he wrote. "Why? Haven't heard from y0u in awhile," she responded. "I've been in hiding," he replied. "What do you mean?" she asked. "Nothing," he said.

A few hours later, Jeff went to his room, made a noose from a strap on his book bag, put the strap around his neck and hung himself.

I share this story in many of my presentations, so kids will see just what bullying can do. I won't let Jeff or anyone else die in vain. He wasn't just another teenager. He was someone crying for help, and yet nobody came to his aid. But I believe there's hope--for those being bullied and for those who are bullies. I've been on both sides of the spectrum and now I'm fighting back to help kids, parents, and educators. Won't you help too?

What You Can Do:

-Contact Your Local School & Get Programs Like Ours In

-Understand That Bullies Aren't Just Mean Kids--Hurt People Hurt People--Bullies have probably been bullied themselves.

-Ask Your Kids If They're Being Bullied

-Know Your Kids & Their Friends

-Tell Your Child To Report Any & All Bullying/ Print Up Any Cyber Bullying

-Don't Take Matters Into Your Own Hands


FIGHT BACK BY:


-Learning All You Can About Bullying

-Reporting All Bullying To Your Principal or the Police

-Protecting Your Child & Let Them Know It's Not Their Fault & Support Them

-Understand They May Have Some Fear or Self-Esteem Issues

-Get Counseling For Them If Needed

-Using The Buddy System (have them team up with a friend so they're never alone)

-Develop A Safety Plan Of Where They Can Go For Help

-Getting Programs Like Ours Into Your Community/Schools

New Article Just In

Speaker:Breakbullyingcycle

Friday, October 26, 2007
AMY PAYNE
THE SAGINAW NEWS

At only 7 pounds, 3 1/2-month-old Baby Ruth might fight bullies in the ultra-lightweight class, but she's not lacking enthusiasm.

The tiny Chihuahua mix and Snickers, a 9-year-old fox terrier mix, serve as the mascots for ''Take a Bite Out of Abuse,'' the brainchild of Owosso resident Lisa Freeman.

Freeman, an abuse survivor, tours mid-Michigan with her pets to raise awareness about bullying and other forms of abuse. Thursday, she and the dogs visited fifth- through eighth-graders at St. Thomas Aquinas Elementary School in Saginaw Township.

''You can't let bullies abuse you; you have to speak up,'' Freeman said.
Snickers -- wearing a fake leather motorcycle jacket emblazoned with the phrase ''BULLY BUSTER'' in red embroidered letters -- rose to his hind legs and barked.

''You may have to turn the other cheek,'' Freeman continued.
Snickers rolled over.

Mistreatment comes in many forms, Freeman said -- not just pushes and shoves, but emotional manipulation as well.

''A lot of times if people say mean things to us, we don't think it's abuse,'' Freeman said.

''Someone says, 'I'm not going to be your friend if you do that,' '' Freeman said to the students gathered in the parochial school's gymnasium. ''Ever hear that one?''

''Yeah,'' the students replied in unison.

Teens also can abuse themselves, Freeman said, not only in physical ways like cutting or drug abuse, but by constantly blaming themselves, maintaining a poor body image or staying in an abusive relationship.

''We can bully ourselves by trying to be cool, look cool or be something we're not,'' Freeman said.

She tailors her presentations to the age group she's talking with. For elementary students such as the ones at St. Thomas Aquinas, she'll focus on bullying; as the audience gets older, the talk shifts to relationship violence and self-abuse.

The cycle of abuse continues because victims often turn on others so they can feel better, Freeman said.

''I was both bullied and a bully when I was growing up,'' she said. ''It felt good to have that power.

''By fifth grade, I was the one everyone was afraid of -- but it was because I didn't feel good about myself.''

Using her full name -- Elisabeth A. Freeman -- she penned several books, including ''Run For Your Life,'' a fictionalized account of some of her experiences as a 13-year-old teen runaway living with a violent boyfriend.

Freeman said she hopes teens take her life as an example ''so they never make the bad choices that I did,'' she said.

To drive the message home, Freeman had several students illustrate how sticking together can help stop bullying. Nine students took one end of a tug-of-war rope, and another student -- the ''bully'' -- took the other.
When both sides keep struggling against each other with force, no one goes anywhere. But ''if we let go in a bullying situation, the bully falls down,'' Freeman said.

For more information on Abuse Bites, call Freeman at (989) 729-2124 or visit www.abusebites.com.

Amy Payne is a staff writer for The Saginaw News. You may reach her at 776-9687.

©2007 Saginaw News
© 2007 Michigan Live. All Rights Reserved.

online article found @ http://www.mlive.com/news/saginawnews/index.ssf?/base/news-24/119340674782800.xml&coll=9

My First Love

MY FIRST LOVE

I had no idea when I met my boyfriend at 13 that he would be abusive. It seemed like love at first sight. Something you'd read about in a fairy tale. So when he became jealous, controlling, or slapped me, I just thought he did it because he loved me. After all, he was all I dreamed about. I loved him so much I even ran away with him just so we could be together all the time.

I'd never been out of my small hometown, let alone hitchhiked before. But he assured me everything would be okay, I just needed to follow his lead. He led me into a whole new world. I had to lie, steal, cheat, beg, borrow, and scam people just to survive. Yet I was homeless, starving, cold, and wanted to go home many times. He told me if I did we'd never be together again.

So I continued living on the streets where I was kidnapped, beaten, raped, forced into prostitution & topless dancing, not to mention using drugs and alcohol just to kill the pain. But nothing was more terrifying and painful, than when my boyfriend turned on me in a violent rage and became the person he promised he would never become--his alcoholic abusive father.

When he was sober he was a different person. He'd hold me in his arms and cry, promising he would never hurt me again. I believed him. Time and time again. I even married him, when I turned 16, with my parents consent. But his drunken rages became more frequent and violent until one day he nearly killed me. That's the day I barely escaped!

I want girls to know my story, and that most of the time, if you're in an abusive or controlling relationship, it usually doesn't get better. My husband went to counseling and everything like that, but he only got worse. So, please do yourself a favor if you see this same abusive pattern in your life, get out before it's too late.

A friend of mine, 19-year-old Susie Crim, wasn't so fortunate. The night she tried to end her abusive relationship with her boyfriend, he met her at their apartment and shot her in the neck. Now she's paralyzed from the shoulders down. It's sad to say, but actually, she's one of the lucky ones. Because today many parents are having to plan their daughter's funerals.

That's why I wrote my book "Run For Your Life" to help other girls/women not to make the same mistakes I did. So they won't end up like me, Susie, or even worse. My prayer and hope is for them is to RUN TO LIFE, not to all the things I did.

As most of us know, our first love can be so romantic, awesome, and wonderful, but it can also turn deadly if we aren't careful and catch the warning signs.

So, please if you start to see signs of control and physical violence in your relationship, do yourself a favor, and get out or get help. Because LOVE IS NOT ABUSE, and you don't have to keep suffering. You have rights. You do have a choice--so CHOOSE LIFE before it's too late!

*And let me clarify, that although I've been abused by men my whole life, there are a lot of girls and women who abuse guys too. And now there is also help available for them.

WARNING SIGNS

If you think you may be a victim of a dating violence
Click Here

Parents if you think your daughter /son may be a victim of dating violence
Click Here


GET HELP

Call 9-1-1

or

Your National Domestic Abuse Hotline @
1-800-799-7233