A blog to educate, bring hope, and healing to all forms of abuse, bullying, and violence. We don't put a band-aid on abuse/bullying we offer complete healing and restoration to victims, bystanders, and bullies. Bullying is a behavior not who a person is.
Showing posts with label dating violence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating violence. Show all posts
Lisa Freeman, of Owosso, and CEO of Abuse Bites will be launching 23 Balloons with a dual message. One message that she wishes to get out to the public is that we can Stop Bullying. She has attached cards in envelopes to each balloon regarding the Walk n Talk she will be doing all across Michigan to bring healing to entire communities for victims, bystanders, bullies. The second message is to honor her son Brian (as well as all victims of bullying/bullycide). Why 23 balloons? Because Brian would have celebrated his 23rd birthday on Monday. He was bullied all of his life due to having Asperger's Syndrome and a rare heart condition. Yet, he lived and died forgiving his bullies.
"Each balloon has a message and a card attached," Lisa Freeman says. "Brian wanted to go all over to Stop Bullying, Abuse and Violence, so we're sending these balloons and cards out in his honor, hoping that anyone who finds them will let us know how far they went."
Handwritten questions are attached to each one: How far will you go to Stop Abuse? Change of Heart for Brian, to change hearts and save lives.
The launch will take place at Hillcrest Cemetery in Owosso, Michigan at Brian's grave (which is located on the very last road on the SOUTH SIDE of the cemetery) on Sunday, June 26th at 4 p.m. Everyone is invited!
Have you been bullied or abused?
Maybe you're the bully or abuser?
Maybe you're just the innocent bystander, caught in the middle?
GOOD NEWS--There's help for everyone!!! Whether you're the victim, bystander, bully, or even a family member of someone who's struggling with these issues, you can conquer these bullying behaviors and be set free!
AbuseBites.com and our team of professionals want to help you. We were once victims too. But now we're survivors! We've been through all forms of abuse, (even our dogs) and we've come out on the other side.
So we're sharing our workshops, stories of survival, and offering healing completely FREE to all, in a family friendly environment, as we travel to various cities all over Michigan.
Aside from abuse awareness, education, safety and prevention methods, we offer an assortment of fun for the whole family with a few interactive games and an amazing trick presentation by our therapy dogs that's sure to captivate any crowd!
For more information on cities, dates, times, volunteering, or hosting an event, please log onto AbuseBites.com and click on our "Walk n Talk" link at the far right of the page.
My dream is for every child, teen, woman, man, and animal that’s being abused to be rescued from their nightmare of terror and hell!
Here’s my story.
Growing up abusers lived all around me. Yet my parents had no idea. There were signs. Red flags everywhere.
Most 2 year olds don’t pull all their hair out, bang their head on a hardwood floor until they pass out, and wake up with night terrors every night. But like most parents, my mom and dad were busy. They both worked full time, and I’m sure they just thought it was a phase that I’d grow out of. And I guess in a way I did. My hair eventually grew back, and I guess I didn’t have any permanent brain damage from the head banging, but the night terrors held on like a curse.
Dirty hands were touching me, (boys, men, even girls and women) forcing me to do the unthinkable. I didn’t want to do those things. Really I didn’t. But if I didn’t do what they said, I knew they would hurt me more. So I tried to take my mind to a safe place and pretend it wasn’t happening.
I couldn’t decipher reality from my dreams anymore. At night, when I did finally fall asleep, I’d wake up in a cold sweat, unable to breathe. Panic stricken, feeling like I was being suffocated, I’d wake my mom. (At twelve years old I still slept with my mom or I couldn’t sleep, and even then I woke up at least once a night.)
“It was just a bad dream,” she’d say, “go back to sleep.”
My mom wasn’t a good listener. She worked hard eight hours a day in a nursing home scrubbing and waxing floors, the old fashioned way. Exhausted and looking for a quick fix, she thought drugs were the answer.
“Here, take these,” she said, giving me a couple pills. “The doctor said this will help you sleep.”
After taking the pills I was out cold. When I woke up it was dark and everyone was up. I was confused. Was it morning already? I found out it was the next night and everyone was getting ready for bed again. Now I was wide awake.
I had already missed a ton of school because I had mononucleosis every other week it seemed. Not that I minded. Being at home was better than being bullied and made fun of at school. So one night, instead of giving me the pills, when I woke up afraid, my mom actually sat up with me and read something in the Bible. I honestly don’t remember what it was, but I do remember I was able to sleep after that, better than I had with the pills and I woke up in time for school.
Finally I decided maybe if I acted tougher, kids would leave me alone. So although terrified, and begging that I would not see blood, I got into a fight with this boy who thought he was all that and I actually won. That day I became the class hero, everyone thought I was cool, and pretty much left me alone. Still the abuse in the hood continued. There was always a bigger bully moving in, and I was still terrified to fight back or tell.
My mom probably wouldn’t listen anyways. She always tended to blame things on me or call me a slut. All I wanted was her love, so I stayed still. Even when I went up the street to babysit and the woman’s husband came home early and made me do detestable things I said nothing.
He’d be buzzed out of his mind and put his hands and lips all over me. I can still taste the sour beer and cigarettes. YUCK! I begged him to stop, told him “NO!” and pushed him away, but he wouldn’t let me go until he finished. By that time it would be pitch black outside and no one would be awake when I got home. I locked the door and took a steaming hot shower, drowning in my own tears, fearing all the while he was going to break in and do it all over again.
I knew it was my fault though, because I kept going back up there, every time his wife called. Strange, but when she called, all I thought about was making money and doing her a favor so she could get away for awhile, not the abuse I’d suffer, or the fact that her husband could come home early. I wanted out, but there didn’t seem to be a way out, so I learned to just take myself to that safe place and keep quiet.
That’s why when I met my boyfriend at 13, and he said he loved me and would protect me, I thought my dreams had finally come true. It’s what I’d wanted all my life anyway—love—true love. Since he was four years older, and we went to different schools, we started cutting class to be together. Soon the courts got involved, put me on house arrest for truancy, and forbid us to see each other.
We sent love letters secretly through the mail. I’d watch through the living room window every night as he dropped a letter off and took the one I wrote for him. One day we agreed to meet on the back road. “Let’s just run away,” he said staring into my eyes. “We can hitchhike and leave town right now.”
I was scared and excited at the same time. It sounded like the perfect plan. Now no one could stop us from being together.
Our dream of being together, turned out to be another one of my nightmares. Not only was I more abused out there (kidnapped, beaten, raped, forced into dancing and prostitution) and wanted to come home numerous times, but he turned on me too and began drinking and beating me. He said he was sorry, with real tears in his eyes, swore he’d never do it again, and sadly I believed him. I thought his jealousy meant that he loved me. WRONG!
That’s why I wrote my book “Run For Your Life” based on my true story of dating violence, not so I can get rich and famous, but so I can reach out to others who may be in dangerous relationships, to show them that they don’t have to put up with it, and that they need to get out before it’s too late. I almost didn’t make it out alive. In fact he nearly killed me.
Abuse is a nightmare! My dream is to save other people lives. Please help me by passing this story on, ordering the book for you or a friend, or donate into this organization so we can give books to those who need them! www.runtolife.org
Typically I'm not an MTV fan. However, when a girl who recently went through my pet therapy class facebook'd me and said, "You might want to watch this new TV show 'If You Really Knew Me' I think it would be something awesome to add to your anti-bullying program for high school students."
The program was amazing! I loved the show from beginning to end. What an eye opener! After watching this show, I hope we can take bits and pieces to incorporate them into our presentation. WOW!
During the first part of the show, you see the teens separated into various groups, preps, outcasts, popular, nerds, etc. But then students participate in a one-day program "Challenge Day" that breaks down the walls of separation. I watched how they interacted with the students to do various activities, and how the students began to break down emotionally. It was amazing! I loved when they split up into small groups and each shared something that no one would know about them. They purposely put the outcasts, nerds, and popular people together.
But the best part of all was when they asked all the students to stand together in back of the blue line. Then one by one they'd call out things like, "if you've ever been affected by someone close to you dying, someone or yourself taking drugs or alcohol, physically hit by a brother or sister, being yelled or screamed at, put down on a regular basis step over the line." Nearly all the kids stepped over. Then they said, "See, you're never alone. Someone else is going through the same stuff you are."
It was awesome to see the outcasts, nerds, and popular people all hugging each other. As I wiped the tears from my eyes, I thought about my own life. How I wished they had a program like this when I was growing up. Maybe I wouldn't have run away. Maybe I wouldn't have been so abused. Maybe I would have had friends.
If you really knew me, you'd know that all my life I felt like an outcast. In my family. At school. Even at church. People just didn't seem to accept me. I'm still very lonely and don't have many friends. Every church I've been in people have tight cliques and although they may say Hi and give me a hug sometimes, I still feel like that outcast on the outside looking in. My kids are all different and have special needs; they are often outcasts and not accepted either. I cry and ask God why sometimes.
If you really knew me you'd know that I didn't graduate from school. That I dropped out in 7th grade to run away with an older boyfriend. I was beaten, raped, kidnapped, and forced into dancing and prostitution. And I was homeless for two years because when I thought about going home, my boyfriend would beg me to stay telling me that we would never see each other again if I went home. This same boyfriend nearly beat me to death on our wedding night when I was 16. (Check out Lisa's book based on her true story)
If you really knew me, you'd know that in my second marriage my husband was supposedly a Christian man addicted to pornography, which was blamed on me from pastors and counselors for years. You'd know that I kept trying to be a better wife and please him, even though he had numerous affairs and gave me VD. You'd know that he later molested our three children. And you'd know that when I did kick him out, that he kidnapped my children and I had to pretend to get back with him to get them in my custody, and then sneak off to a shelter with them one day while he was at work. (Check out my book based on our true story, "The Pictures That Destroy The Mind" )
If you really knew me, you'd know that me, my entire family, and even our dogs have been abused. My eldest son was a cutter and nearly committed suicide. My daughter was called gay, was emotionally impaired, and almost strangled to death by another student. My youngest son was nearly bullied to death in high school. And my son, Brian is autistic, only has two chambers in his heart, and needs a heart transplant. (Check out our entire family/even our dog's various healings)
If you really knew me, you'd also know that I overcome fear every day to speak and share my story of abuse survival. You'd know that sometimes I feel overwhelmed and depressed and like I have no one to turn to. (Check out a Vision Lisa had that keeps her going)
If you really knew me, you'd know that I struggle in my marriage even though I'm married to a wonderful Christian now, I fall in my Christian walk, and I'm having a hard time with all the emotions that go along with menopause. (Check out Lisa's healing testimony)
If you really knew me, you'd know that it breaks my heart every time a child is bullied; a teen even thinks of suicide or becomes a victim of dating violence. You'd know that I want to do more to help, in the schools, churches, and communities abroad. And you'd also know that I couldn't go out and do any of this if God hadn't brought me Snickers. (Lisa & Snickers story)
If you really knew me, you'd know that a lot of people attack me and get the wrong idea about me. That I only want to do God's will, not my own. That I don't care about fame or fortune, I just care about reaching others and helping them heal from abusive lifestyles. And helping them so they don't make the same bad choices I made.
If you really knew me, you'd know that sometimes I just want to give up. Doing a ministry, non-profit, training dogs, and caring for four adult children with special needs is a ton of work.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I have learned to give it all to God. He is the reason I do and can do anything I do. I get excited and afraid every time I know I'm going to speak or write. The excitement comes from knowing I will hopefully be able to help others, the fear comes from all the abuse and rejection I suffered. People even in the church have rejected me, my book, and my testimony and made me feel like dirt, and like I'm not as good as them.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I have learned to surrender to Jesus. He was horribly rejected and abused too. I want to be like him, so I forgive all, realizing that people are just people, they will hurt us, but if we don’t forgive them, we hurt ourselves far more.
Like Paul says in Philippians 3:14, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
As a child I was neglected. Oh I had plenty of food, clothes, and toys. And I guess my parents loved me, but I didn't feel loved or valued. It was like no one listened to me or wanted to hear what I had to say. They didn't want to be bothered with me.
In my search for love and acceptance in my neighborhood, I found abuse. Boys and men used and abused me, and out of fear I let them.
Driven by fear, horrible insecurities set in. And on top of that I was numb. I had this huge aching hole in my heart.
I tried to fill it with everything throughout my teen years; boyfriends, drugs, alcohol, etc, but the hole just got bigger.
At school I was the odd girl out. I wasn't pretty enough and preppy enough to hang out with snotty rich girls. The geeks didn't want me either.
So I ran away. I ran from one thing to the next. Even one state to the next as I hitchhiked around the USA. I didn't find love and acceptance there either. Nope. I suffered even more abuse. And now I was starving, only had the clothes on my back, penniless, taken hostage, raped, and nearly killed.
For years I was trapped in a vicious cycle of abuse. For years I chose men who abused me. Then it began happening to my children.
That's when I drew the line. I tried to stop it before. I tried to get help. I tried to save my failing marriage that I was always told was my fault.
Yep, it was my fault he was addicted to pornography. It was my fault he cheated. And it was my fault he molested our three children.
NOT! It took awhile to get my head on straight, but, at 26 I finally stopped believing the lie. I finally found the TRUTH and the TRUTH is what set me free.
People can lie to us and tell us they'll change. We can lie to ourselves and try to believe the abuse will get better. Or we can face the truth, that we cannot change anyone, they have to want to get help. Sadly, most people who abuse want to get help, but they're afraid of being judged if they seek it. They're also believing the lie.
Anyone can get free. I know. I did.
As long as you have breath in your body it's not too late. It's your choice. Will you remain a prisoner inside your own home believing the lie, or will you let the TRUTH set you free?
I was 13. He said he loved me. He said he'd protect me.
He had the perfect plan. "Let's run away together."
It sounded like a great idea. But I didn't see what was really happening. He wanted to control me. Have me all to himself.
First he attacked my friends. "They're just trying to break us up," he'd say. Or "they're a bad influence on you, I don't want you hanging around them anymore."
Then it was my family. My mom loved him. Actually more than she did me. She believed him, even when I was the one telling the truth. Still that wasn't enough for him. He made it so it looked like no one ever loved me but him.
So I followed after him hard. I hitchhiked when I was afraid we'd get picked up by another crazy lunatic and I'd be kidnapped and raped again. I wanted to go home. But he said, "If you go back, the courts will separate us for good and we'll never see each other again."
He did other horrible things. At only 14 he walked me into a bar, but this one was different. The girl on stage was taking her top off. I slapped him and ran outside. He ran after me. "What are you getting so mad about? I'm doing this for us. We need money."
It was then, he talked me into topless dancing. He promised, "You don't have to do it very long. Just until we get some money."
Weeks went by. Guys drooled over me. They touched me. Stalked me. It was such a gross feeling to overcome. But eventually I did.
But then he started drinking and he hit me. "I'm sorry," he said with tears in his eyes, caressing my badly bruised cheek. "I promise I'll never do it again. I don't want to be like my dad."
I didn't want him to be like his alcoholic, abusive father, either. And seeing the tears in his eyes and him down on his knees begging me to stay with him, I just knew in my heart he'd change.
You can only run so long before getting caught and having to go home. At 15, after spending two weeks locked up in a girl's home in Colorado, I was on my way back to Michigan. It had been the hardest 14 days of my life. In the two years we hitchhiked all over the US, we'd only been apart twice, once was when we were kidnapped and tied up, another time was when we went to jail in Florida for 10 days for being in a stolen truck.
He was all I thought about. I wondered where he was and if we'd ever see each other again. He'd told me if I ever went home that would be the end of us. I hoped his was wrong. I loved him with all my heart and wanted to be with him.
After a few weeks he made his way back to Michigan too. My parents even helped him. Things were looking up. He finished school and joined the Air Force. I returned to school. He was 1,000 miles away in Texas in boot camp. I hated school and being away from him. So I ran away again to be with him. This time alone.
When I finally got there, after being picked up by all kinds of crazy freaks, he didn't act like he wanted me there. He was drinking, getting high, and cheating behind my back. I found out about "the other girl" months later when we started our new lives at KI Sawyer AFB. We were engaged to be married at the time. The plan was to hide out with him until my 16th birthday, and then my parents would sign for me to get married.
But within one week after moving into our new trailer, he tried to force me to go to a party. "No, I'm not going to some party with her and other people I don't know!" That was the first and last time I stood up to him. Within minutes I was a bloody mess, picking myself up off the floor. He threatened me if I told anyone what happened he'd kill me, forced me to get cleaned up, put make up on, and get ready. Knowing he meant what he said, I did what he wanted.
And of course later, several hours later, he said he was sorry. I believed him. Enough to marry him six months later. But on our wedding night, he drank nearly a fifth of whiskey, was hanging all over other women and girls, and beat me worse than I'd ever been beaten.
Again, he apologized and promised he wouldn't drink so much and blamed it on the alcohol. This went on and on. I was fooling myself thinking I could change him or that he'd change on his own.
He never changed. Instead the beatings got worse and worse, until he nearly killed me. Luckily I escaped with my life. And if you're reading this, chances are you're trapped in the cycle of abuse too. But you're still alive. You can get out before it's too late and get help.
I stayed way too long. But thankfully I did get away. Some are not so fortunate.
I wrote a book "Run For Your Life" to share my story and how I got free. If you know a runaway teen, an abused/battered woman, someone in a dating violent relationship, please, please, please, please GET this book for them today and encourage them to get help before it's too late.
*HURRY FREE BOOK OFFER BELOW*
You can get "Run For Your Life" online today @ my website: http://www.runtolife.org. or send $14.95 plus $4.00 shipping and handling to: Lisa Freeman, Run For Your Life, PO Box 1582, Owosso, MI 48867. In fact I will send all 3 books in the series for the price of 1. Just mention this offer when ordering. Offer for a limited time only, so HURRY. Although I usually try to get books shipped the same day orders come in, please allow 2-4 weeks for delivery.
Warning Signs Of Being Trapped In The Cycle Of Abuse
-Your bf/gf/spouse doesn't want you to hang out with your friends/family
-Your bf/gf/spouse tries to isolate you
-Your bf/gf/spouse is controlling
-Your bf/gf/spouse is verbally abusive to you in private or around your friends
-Your bf/gf/spouse is physically abusive (hits, kicks, slaps, pushes, etc)
-Your bf/gf/spouse is sexually abusive (forces you to do acts you don't want to do, touches you)
-Your bf/gf/spouse is emotionally abusive (controls you, who you hang out with, where you go, what you do, or gives you the silent treatment, or manipulates you)
-Your bf/gf/spouse is jealous
-Your bf/gf/spouse forces you into doing things you don't want to do
-Your bf/gf/spouse threatens if you leave they'll hurt you or themselves
-Your bf/gf/spouse says they're sorry and never will do it again
So continues the cycle of abuse. If you are in a relationship and your bf/gf/spouse is doing even one of those things, tell someone, get help, make a plan of escape before it's too late. Chances are it will only get worse.
This is another current story of a woman trapped in abuse most of her life and how she escaped barely with her life, having to leave her poor children behind.
