Surviving Domestic Violence--I Survived, You Can Too!

Surviving Domestic Violence--I Survived, You Can Too!

Domestic violence is running rampant all over the world. Right here in the USA alone, tragic stories bloody the headlines every day.  Many people ask why a woman would stay with a man who beats her? People often believe the myth that a woman who is beaten must like it or she’d leave. Read More

 

I was one of those women. Fear was the biggest reason I didn’t leave. That, along with the fact that he promised he would get help and change. He cried with real tears in his eyes. I believed him. But the alcohol he drank, made him even meaner. Anytime he drank, I’d end up black and blue. And so the cycle of domestic violence continued, until he almost killed me, and I barely escaped with my life. Read My Story

 

Sadly, things haven’t changed much. The FBI released a report saying that every 9 seconds a woman is physically abused by her husband. The report also states that women today stay with their abusers because of feelings of guilt, insecurity, fear for their children’s safety, as well as emotional and financial dependence. Read Article

 

The cycle of abuse will continue until you make the decision to stop it. Leaving, in most cases, is the only way out. After Singing Star, Rhianna, was attacked by Chris Brown in 2009, Oprah dedicated a one hour program to domestic violence. During the show, Rhianna’s message was, “If you go back with a man who hits you, it’s because you don’t think you’re worthy of being with a man who won’t. I’ve said it before, ‘Love doesn’t hurt, and if a man hits you once, he will hit you again.’” Read Article

 

This is so true of the abuse cycle. But how can women trust a judicial system that has failed countless women? Joe Biden wrote the Violence Against Women Act in 1994, which did some great things; helped prosecute abusers, gave aid to women for housing, and enabled a hot line for them to call in emergencies. However, Biden knows they must offer more and laws must get firmer when dealing with perpetrators. Or women like Sarah Rosio, a 24 year old Wisconsin woman, who was fatally stabbed because she couldn’t get a protection order, will continue to lose their lives. Read Article

 

Another case I read about, involves a young woman who was strangled to death in 2010. And the Wisconsin man who killed her, unbelievably was only placed on probation. In 2011 after this same man committed another violent act, they finally put him in prison. Read Article

 

What about the World Championship Boxer, Floyd Mayweather Jr., who stalked and threatened his ex-girlfriend and kids? He only got a six months sentence, but was released after just two months so he could continue his fighting career! Some people get a slap on their hand, because of their position or status, basically telling them it’s okay to do it again.Read Article

 

Then we hear about former Queen of the Stone Age bassist, Nick Oliveri. Although he had seven felony counts against him, including drugs and domestic violence, he made a deal with prosecutors, dropping six felonies and a 15-year prison sentence to basically community service. Read Article 

 

A Wareham Official is being charged with domestic assault after punching a woman several times in the face and dragging her by the hair. Cops are even involved in domestic violence cases. No one is exempt. It happens in homes all around the country, at a rising rate every day.

 

Then we see things like supposed “mercy” killings. An Ohio man shot and killed his wife, who he claims was suffering in the hospital critical care unit. Read Article

 

Sadly, history keeps repeating over and over again.

 

A furious state attorney recently was angered that a prosecuting attorney let Melvin Perkins, a domestic assault perpetrator, slip through the system without being charged. Now two years later, this same man who had abused several women, is back in court, this time for stabbing his ex-girlfriend to death. Read Article

 

Children are even involved many times, and caught right in the middle of a terrible domestic war. One woman, holding her infant, was beaten and pushed down a flight of stairs. (Read Article) When kids are involved, they often repeat the violence they grew up in. One teen is spending 12 years in prison for a horrific act of domestic violence against a young woman.Read Article

 

Kids in violent homes usually abuse or make a vow to stop the abuse. A 14 year old Michigan boy is being called a hero, after wrestling a gun out of his drunken father’s hands, to protect his mother from being shot. Statistics tell us that most young boys and teens who murder, kill the man that has been abusing their mother.  No child or teen should have to be faced with such a tragedy. Read Article

 

Yet, as indicated previously, most kids, like their parents, are afraid to seek help. Although many victims of domestic violence will never contact a police officer or other victim help agency, the number one place they will turn is to their health care provider. Due to increased stress and tension in the home, many women are battling physical conditions like asthma, high blood pressure, and heart disease. Read Article

 

Even though this article featured the loopholes in the system, there is still a great deal of help available for those who need it. Our Abuse Bites program offers educational workshops to help victims of abuse cross over to becoming survivors. I was a victim once myself, but now I’m a survivor. I’m remarried, (just celebrated my 19^th Anniversary) I’m happy, healthy and have three beautiful, amazing grown kids, and three awesome dogs that we use for pet therapy. More Info

 

I’ve also listed several resources and related articles below to help women and children get the information they need to get safe and start a new life—abuse free!

 

National Domestic Violence Hotline
(800) 799-7233

 

What Causes Domestic Violence?

Understanding the Cycle of Battering

The Domestic Violence Act: Seven Years On

Domestic abuse charge follows familiar pattern

Stacey Moniz: Ending Domestic Violence on Maui

Accusing Your Partner of Infidelity Trigger for Domestic Abuse

ADVOCATE: Spotlight: Regina's Fight to Stop Domestic Violence

Get the Facts: The Facts on Domestic, Dating and Sexual Violence

SURVIVOR: Domestic Violence Survivor Shares Inspirational Story

Battling the effects of domestic violence in rural Alaska communities

New Research Focuses On Treatment for Perpetrators of Domestic Violence ...

Don't Buy The Lie

Seems like since I was a little girl, I was being fed one lie after another.

It started with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, but then more harmful dangerous lies came into play.

My brothers older friends, neighborhood boys/men, and even some of my friends from school did unspeakable acts I was sworn not to tell. “It will be our little secret,” they’d say. I wanted to tell my mom, but I was too ashamed and I was scared. I thought she’d probably blame me anyway. And many of my abusers had threatened me. What if their threats were true?

So I bought the lie. The lie that I had to stay in abusive relationships. The lie that no one would ever want me. The lie that no one would love me. The lie that I would have to settle for whoever came along.

All my life I bought the lie of abuse. 

My alcoholic husband dropped to his knees and wept over my battered body, “I’m sorry. I promise if you stay I’ll never hurt you again.”

Sadly, I bought the lie again and again until he almost killed me. And even after I left him, I still kept buying the lies of abuse.

My 2^nd husband, who went to church faithfully, swore a million times that he’d never look at pornography or cheat on me on me again. 

I bought the lie time and time again and stayed with him for seven painful years until I learned he sexually abused our three children. That's when I began seeking the truth, and the truth set me free!

Don’t buy the lie! Don’t settle for abuse! 

I know it's hard to break free. I didn’t even start getting my life together until the age of 26. I hadn’t even finished high school, let alone junior high. I had dropped out in the 7th grade. Yet, a single mother of three, I went back to school, got my GED, went onto college, maintained a 4.0, and made the Dean’s List. Later, after battling severe panic attacks and agoraphobia, I graduated from Vision International with a degree in Christian Ministry, became an Award-Winning Christian Author, Certified Pet Therapist/Dog Trainer, and started two non-profit organizations A Time To Heal and Abuse Bites to break the cycle of abuse and help others heal.

Abuse is a choice. You can be a victim or you can be a survivor. I was a victim far too long. Today I’m a survivor, because I stopped buying the lie. I pray that you do too! You deserve better. It's the truth that sets us free!

If you or someone you know is stuck in the cycle of abuse and needs help please call 9-1-1 or the national domestic abuse hotline @ 1-800-799-SAFE. You may also contact me. I’d love to help in any way I can.

We offer workshops to educate, prevent, and bring awareness on all types of abuse and bullying in the school, work place and community. We’d be honored to work with you to bring our program to your area! http://www.abusebites.com.

STOP ABUSE

S- Slow down and think about the choices you're making.

T- Turn from any and all abuse patterns or lifestyles you've been living.

O- Open up to someone and tell them what's going on.

P- Plan a way of escape or to break the cycle of abuse off your life.


A- Act on that plan by taking the necessary steps.

B- Band with others so you're not alone.

U- Use all resources in your community that are available to you.

S- Seek counseling.

E- Escape before it's too late.

Any Questions? I'd be happy to chat with you of how I got out of the abuse cycle. Email me directly @ lisafreelife@gmail.com or check out my websites http://www.abusebites.com & http://www.runtolife.org & htttp://www.atime2heal.org

1 Corinthians 5:11 NCV

I am writing to tell you that you must not associate with those who call themselves believers in Christ but who sin sexually, or are greedy, or worship idols, or abuse others with words, or get drunk, or cheat people. Do not even eat with people like that.

Breaking The Cycle Of Abuse

I was 13. He said he loved me. He said he'd protect me.

He had the perfect plan. "Let's run away together."

It sounded like a great idea. But I didn't see what was really happening. He wanted to control me. Have me all to himself.

First he attacked my friends. "They're just trying to break us up," he'd say. Or "they're a bad influence on you, I don't want you hanging around them anymore."

Then it was my family. My mom loved him. Actually more than she did me. She believed him, even when I was the one telling the truth. Still that wasn't enough for him. He made it so it looked like no one ever loved me but him.

So I followed after him hard. I hitchhiked when I was afraid we'd get picked up by another crazy lunatic and I'd be kidnapped and raped again. I wanted to go home. But he said, "If you go back, the courts will separate us for good and we'll never see each other again."

He did other horrible things. At only 14 he walked me into a bar, but this one was different. The girl on stage was taking her top off. I slapped him and ran outside. He ran after me. "What are you getting so mad about? I'm doing this for us. We need money."

It was then, he talked me into topless dancing. He promised, "You don't have to do it very long. Just until we get some money."

Weeks went by. Guys drooled over me. They touched me. Stalked me. It was such a gross feeling to overcome. But eventually I did.

But then he started drinking and he hit me. "I'm sorry," he said with tears in his eyes, caressing my badly bruised cheek. "I promise I'll never do it again. I don't want to be like my dad."

I didn't want him to be like his alcoholic, abusive father, either. And seeing the tears in his eyes and him down on his knees begging me to stay with him, I just knew in my heart he'd change.

You can only run so long before getting caught and having to go home. At 15, after spending two weeks locked up in a girl's home in Colorado, I was on my way back to Michigan. It had been the hardest 14 days of my life. In the two years we hitchhiked all over the US, we'd only been apart twice, once was when we were kidnapped and tied up, another time was when we went to jail in Florida for 10 days for being in a stolen truck.

He was all I thought about. I wondered where he was and if we'd ever see each other again. He'd told me if I ever went home that would be the end of us. I hoped his was wrong. I loved him with all my heart and wanted to be with him.

After a few weeks he made his way back to Michigan too. My parents even helped him. Things were looking up. He finished school and joined the Air Force. I returned to school. He was 1,000 miles away in Texas in boot camp. I hated school and being away from him. So I ran away again to be with him. This time alone.

When I finally got there, after being picked up by all kinds of crazy freaks, he didn't act like he wanted me there. He was drinking, getting high, and cheating behind my back. I found out about "the other girl" months later when we started our new lives at KI Sawyer AFB. We were engaged to be married at the time. The plan was to hide out with him until my 16th birthday, and then my parents would sign for me to get married.

But within one week after moving into our new trailer, he tried to force me to go to a party. "No, I'm not going to some party with her and other people I don't know!" That was the first and last time I stood up to him. Within minutes I was a bloody mess, picking myself up off the floor. He threatened me if I told anyone what happened he'd kill me, forced me to get cleaned up, put make up on, and get ready. Knowing he meant what he said, I did what he wanted.

And of course later, several hours later, he said he was sorry. I believed him. Enough to marry him six months later. But on our wedding night, he drank nearly a fifth of whiskey, was hanging all over other women and girls, and beat me worse than I'd ever been beaten.

Again, he apologized and promised he wouldn't drink so much and blamed it on the alcohol. This went on and on. I was fooling myself thinking I could change him or that he'd change on his own.

He never changed. Instead the beatings got worse and worse, until he nearly killed me. Luckily I escaped with my life. And if you're reading this, chances are you're trapped in the cycle of abuse too. But you're still alive. You can get out before it's too late and get help.

I stayed way too long. But thankfully I did get away. Some are not so fortunate.

I wrote a book "Run For Your Life" to share my story and how I got free. If you know a runaway teen, an abused/battered woman, someone in a dating violent relationship, please, please, please, please GET this book for them today and encourage them to get help before it's too late.

*HURRY FREE BOOK OFFER BELOW*

You can get "Run For Your Life" online today @ my website: http://www.runtolife.org. or send $14.95 plus $4.00 shipping and handling to: Lisa Freeman, Run For Your Life, PO Box 1582, Owosso, MI 48867. In fact I will send all 3 books in the series for the price of 1. Just mention this offer when ordering. Offer for a limited time only, so HURRY. Although I usually try to get books shipped the same day orders come in, please allow 2-4 weeks for delivery.

Warning Signs Of Being Trapped In The Cycle Of Abuse

-Your bf/gf/spouse doesn't want you to hang out with your friends/family
-Your bf/gf/spouse tries to isolate you
-Your bf/gf/spouse is controlling
-Your bf/gf/spouse is verbally abusive to you in private or around your friends
-Your bf/gf/spouse is physically abusive (hits, kicks, slaps, pushes, etc)
-Your bf/gf/spouse is sexually abusive (forces you to do acts you don't want to do, touches you)
-Your bf/gf/spouse is emotionally abusive (controls you, who you hang out with, where you go, what you do, or gives you the silent treatment, or manipulates you)
-Your bf/gf/spouse is jealous
-Your bf/gf/spouse forces you into doing things you don't want to do
-Your bf/gf/spouse threatens if you leave they'll hurt you or themselves
-Your bf/gf/spouse says they're sorry and never will do it again

So continues the cycle of abuse. If you are in a relationship and your bf/gf/spouse is doing even one of those things, tell someone, get help, make a plan of escape before it's too late. Chances are it will only get worse.

This is another current story of a woman trapped in abuse most of her life and how she escaped barely with her life, having to leave her poor children behind.


http://www.stabroeknews.com/2010/stories/06/13/after-eight-years-scarred-domestic-abuse-survivor-starts-over/

Homeless Not Hopeless

In Honor Of National Homeless Awareness Month

With such trying times in the US, the crashing economy, and bullying & abuse at every avenue--there are probably more homeless people than many of us know.

I've been homeless at various times. Once by choice, as a teen when I ran away with an older boyfriend. For two years we hitchhiked all over the US with nothing but the clothes on our backs. I was starving, frozen, beaten, raped, kidnapped, and nearly killed. The only thing that saved me every time, was prayer and faith in God to set me free.

Later in life I was married to an abusive man who turned his porn addiction onto our three children. I was forced to leave my home, with just a suitcase and three small children. For over a month we stayed at a "safe house shelter" for victims of abuse.

Staying at shelters isn't easy. I totally agree. But it's better than putting you or yourself in harms way. It's totally better than being homeless. It's a roof over your head, a meal in your stomach, and a chance to sort things out while you decide what is best for you/ and or your children.

After two terribly abusive marriages, I got my life back together. I suffered years of panic attacks and fears, but have managed to become an award-winning author and speaker.

If I can do it, you can too. Today, I'm an abuse survivor. You don't have to be a victim, you can survive too. If you need help or to get out of an abusive situation, please get help. You can either log onto my website http://www.abusebites.com/ or call 1-800-799-SAFE.

Most Shelters Provide:

-A SAFE PLACE TO STAY
-Beds for you & your child
-Dresser for your clothes
-Food
-Clothes
-Baby Needs
-Hygiene Products
-Support & Counseling
-Assistance With Child Care

*So don't hesitate. If you're in an abusive situation GET OUT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!