There was a song when I was growing up titled, "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word". And I guess some people do find it hard to say they're sorry. But in a domestic violent situation, victims are always apologized to and promised that things will get better.
That's the abuse cycle. Sadly hundreds of thousands of girls, women, and even men, fall prey to this vicious cycle every year. Some abuse victims may be fortunate enough to escape if they get out early, others may have stayed a little longer and faced more pain and heartache, but my heart really cries to speak out for those who never had a chance to escape--the martyrs of domestic abuse--these are the ones have given their lives for the rest of us to learn a harsh lesson--GET OUT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!
I lived with a man who nearly killed me. Thankfully I was able to escape from that relationship before it was too late. But I know someone who waited a bit too long to get out of an abusive relationship. Her name is Susan Crim. Susan's truly my hero! So in honor of Domestic Abuse Violence Awareness Month, I wrote a story about her on my website: (Read Her Story click on the "what's new" link.)
Don't wait until this happens to you--Get Out Before It's Too Late!
What you can do if you're in an abusive relationship:
-Report The Abuse
-Get Help & Make A Safety Action Plan Of Escape
-Contact a friend or family member
-Call 1-800-GET SAFE
-Don't return to the abusive situation once you get away
-Don't fall into the repetitive cycle of them saying their sorry
-Take care of yourself and change your lifestyle so you won't be a magnet for abusers in the future--counseling will help
-Forgiving your abuser is a must (holding unforgiveness only makes the victim feel worse), but that does not mean taking them back or putting up with more abuse!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Bullying & Back To School--Who Decides?
Jeremiah, my youngest son, now a junior in high school, surprised me a few weeks ago. "Mom, I want to try to go back to school."
The courage rendered in his voice, along with the positive changes I'd seen in the past six months, made tears come to my eyes. He'd come so far. Could he really go back and rise above the peer pressure, bullying, and verbal abuse? I swallowed hard, trying to hold back my emotion.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I'd like to try."
The past year of torment he suffered--we suffered, flashed before my eyes. I rationed... But he is 16, I have to let him make his own decision. My heart raged... No, not again!
As Jeremiah went out to shoot hoops I sat in silence, pondering all the things that had happened over the past year. It all began on the first day of school, when a couple kids started calling him names.
Within minutes, Jeremiah got really sick, his face turned gray, he was all sweaty, and couldn't breath. We later learned at the hospital that he had suffered a full blown panic attack. Since I'd battled panic too, I completely understood how scary having an episode can be, especially when you don't know what's happening. Still we tried to encourage him that he needed to go back to school to overcome this thing.
But every day as the bullying increased, so did his level of anxiety. We called for an emergency IEP meeting at school, and brainstormed with all the professionals.
The doctors, social workers and therapists all tried to come up with a solution to keep him in school. Nothing they suggested alleviated the stress or the deep depression that would soon follow. We wanted him schooled at home from the beginning, because the pressure was just too much. But all the professionals told us that the best thing for Jeremiah and his panic disorder was that he stay in school. In a way I knew they were right--to overcome panic you can't keep yourself isolated, but at the same time, he would need to feel safe and be in a safe place, without being bullied, while healing.
So, under a doctors care, Jeremiah started taking prescribed medication for anxiety. They even tweaked his schedule so he'd only have to go half days. We were hopeful with the new meds and schedule everything would get better, but little did we know our son was on a downward spiral.
Not only did the bullying and verbal abuse at school continue and intensify to the point that his life was threatened, but he started cutting and became suicidal. (I later learned that he had wrapped a belt around his neck 3 times!) He was crying out for help, yet none of us were listening to pain he suffered in silence, behind closed doors.
Thankfully, one night he opened up to me. When I found out everything he was going through, I was heartbroken, devastated, and had no idea what to do. Here we sat helplessly, with our totally despondent tearful son in the padded room at Emergency searching for answers. He had so much depression and shame he wouldn't even look the doctor in the eye as he answered questions.
I shook my head in disbelief. How did we get here? It didn't seem real. With all the medical professionals, the whole school board, and two parents who loved their child more than anything, how could this possibly happen? I felt we had failed Jeremiah and everyone around us had failed him too. I was an abuse advocate traveling to all these schools, teaching kids how to get out of abuse, and here I sat dumbfounded.
But I wasn't giving up, and thankfully neither was Jeremiah.
In November I told the school, doctors, and social workers I'd had enough. "Jeremiah is going to be home schooled and that is final." By this point, no one was arguing. Still, the only way his counselor would allow it is if Jeremiah did not isolate himself. So over the next several months, we made an effort to get Jeremiah out into the public with peers his own age. Jeremiah fought panic, bullying, and abuse everywhere he went, but he overcame every obstacle in his way!
It has been a very long road, but today Jeremiah is healthy, happy, hanging out with a bunch of teens, he sings in our program at schools to help others, plays on softball and basketball teams, and is just enjoying life.
Now, a new school year, and all I could think is, no, we can't go back! Not that the public school is a bad place, (my three older children graduated from the same public school with honors!) just that the bullying and abuse was so brutal for Jeremiah. So I really prayed about the situation, "Okay God if it's your will for Jeremiah to go back to the public school, then fine, so be it, but if not and he's better off here, please let him make the right decision."
A few days after I prayed that prayer, Jeremiah came to me. "Mom, is it okay if I change my mind? I've been thinking about everything and I just feel that I should stay home."
I gave him a huge hug! "Of course it's okay!
The best part is, he made the decision on his own, and this year the school, counselors and doctors are totally supporting that decision too, and he'll be able to travel with us to other schools and share his story of survival and hope!
For more on bullying and verbal abuse--read our Feature Story "No More Hiding" a true story I wrote for Guideposts about a teen girl who was teased, but instead of being crushed, she rose above it all... story can be found @ (www.abusebites.com) on our What's New Page...
Good Luck going back to school...
Have an abuse-free day :)
-Lisa Freeman
The courage rendered in his voice, along with the positive changes I'd seen in the past six months, made tears come to my eyes. He'd come so far. Could he really go back and rise above the peer pressure, bullying, and verbal abuse? I swallowed hard, trying to hold back my emotion.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I'd like to try."
The past year of torment he suffered--we suffered, flashed before my eyes. I rationed... But he is 16, I have to let him make his own decision. My heart raged... No, not again!
As Jeremiah went out to shoot hoops I sat in silence, pondering all the things that had happened over the past year. It all began on the first day of school, when a couple kids started calling him names.
Within minutes, Jeremiah got really sick, his face turned gray, he was all sweaty, and couldn't breath. We later learned at the hospital that he had suffered a full blown panic attack. Since I'd battled panic too, I completely understood how scary having an episode can be, especially when you don't know what's happening. Still we tried to encourage him that he needed to go back to school to overcome this thing.
But every day as the bullying increased, so did his level of anxiety. We called for an emergency IEP meeting at school, and brainstormed with all the professionals.
The doctors, social workers and therapists all tried to come up with a solution to keep him in school. Nothing they suggested alleviated the stress or the deep depression that would soon follow. We wanted him schooled at home from the beginning, because the pressure was just too much. But all the professionals told us that the best thing for Jeremiah and his panic disorder was that he stay in school. In a way I knew they were right--to overcome panic you can't keep yourself isolated, but at the same time, he would need to feel safe and be in a safe place, without being bullied, while healing.
So, under a doctors care, Jeremiah started taking prescribed medication for anxiety. They even tweaked his schedule so he'd only have to go half days. We were hopeful with the new meds and schedule everything would get better, but little did we know our son was on a downward spiral.
Not only did the bullying and verbal abuse at school continue and intensify to the point that his life was threatened, but he started cutting and became suicidal. (I later learned that he had wrapped a belt around his neck 3 times!) He was crying out for help, yet none of us were listening to pain he suffered in silence, behind closed doors.
Thankfully, one night he opened up to me. When I found out everything he was going through, I was heartbroken, devastated, and had no idea what to do. Here we sat helplessly, with our totally despondent tearful son in the padded room at Emergency searching for answers. He had so much depression and shame he wouldn't even look the doctor in the eye as he answered questions.
I shook my head in disbelief. How did we get here? It didn't seem real. With all the medical professionals, the whole school board, and two parents who loved their child more than anything, how could this possibly happen? I felt we had failed Jeremiah and everyone around us had failed him too. I was an abuse advocate traveling to all these schools, teaching kids how to get out of abuse, and here I sat dumbfounded.
But I wasn't giving up, and thankfully neither was Jeremiah.
In November I told the school, doctors, and social workers I'd had enough. "Jeremiah is going to be home schooled and that is final." By this point, no one was arguing. Still, the only way his counselor would allow it is if Jeremiah did not isolate himself. So over the next several months, we made an effort to get Jeremiah out into the public with peers his own age. Jeremiah fought panic, bullying, and abuse everywhere he went, but he overcame every obstacle in his way!
It has been a very long road, but today Jeremiah is healthy, happy, hanging out with a bunch of teens, he sings in our program at schools to help others, plays on softball and basketball teams, and is just enjoying life.
Now, a new school year, and all I could think is, no, we can't go back! Not that the public school is a bad place, (my three older children graduated from the same public school with honors!) just that the bullying and abuse was so brutal for Jeremiah. So I really prayed about the situation, "Okay God if it's your will for Jeremiah to go back to the public school, then fine, so be it, but if not and he's better off here, please let him make the right decision."
A few days after I prayed that prayer, Jeremiah came to me. "Mom, is it okay if I change my mind? I've been thinking about everything and I just feel that I should stay home."
I gave him a huge hug! "Of course it's okay!
The best part is, he made the decision on his own, and this year the school, counselors and doctors are totally supporting that decision too, and he'll be able to travel with us to other schools and share his story of survival and hope!
For more on bullying and verbal abuse--read our Feature Story "No More Hiding" a true story I wrote for Guideposts about a teen girl who was teased, but instead of being crushed, she rose above it all... story can be found @ (www.abusebites.com) on our What's New Page...
Good Luck going back to school...
Have an abuse-free day :)
-Lisa Freeman
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Fight Back
When we think of being bullied or abused, our first thought is to "fight back". So what do you think, should you fight back when someone's hurting you. ABSOLUTELY!
Every workshop that we present, every teen we talk to, every thing we say definitely teaches people to fight back. We can't just become innocent victims and keep letting these bullies violate us. However, there are certain ways that we can fight back without being violent and creating an even bigger problem.
Things we can do to stop violence, abuse, and bullying:
Every workshop that we present, every teen we talk to, every thing we say definitely teaches people to fight back. We can't just become innocent victims and keep letting these bullies violate us. However, there are certain ways that we can fight back without being violent and creating an even bigger problem.
Things we can do to stop violence, abuse, and bullying:
- Call 911 If You Or Someone You Know Are In Danger and Need Help Right Now
- Stand Up For Ourselves & Others Who Are Being Bullied or Abused (It is estimated that only 1 out of 10 people are bullies--just think of what would happen if those 9 stuck together!)
- Talk To A Friend, Pastor, Parent, Teacher, Adult, or Trustworthy Person About The Abuse
- Report The Abuse
- Don't Think You Deserve It or You Have To Take It--Get Help Before It's Too Late
- Develop A Safety Plan If You're In An Abusive Relationship
- Run Away If You're In Danger, Scream "FIRE" it draws more attention
And remember the abuse cycle, the abuser says their sorry and that they will never do it again. It's up to you to make sure they don't by making better and safer choices. Chances are if they've hurt you once, they're going to keep doing it again--don't be a victim any longer--fight back and be a survivor so you can help others survive too!
Monday, December 31, 2007
VERBAL ABUSE IS RATED #1
Recently we've taken statistics from several schools where we've presented (elementary through high school) and I guess it's no surprise really, that VERBAL ABUSE is the #1 form of abuse that most of the kids have suffered from.
We've all heard the saying that "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me". But we all know that couldn't be farther from the truth, because words do hurt. The fact is, words can either be used as a weapon thrown like a dagger straight through our heart or can be the healing salve on an open wound.
The Bible actually says, that the power of life and death is in the tongue. I believe that's true.
I'm just as guilty of ripping people apart with my words as the next person. I'm sort of humorous and I always have to get the last laugh. Many times, unfortunately, it was at someone else's expense. Recently, I've had to rethink my humor and try not to bash anyone, especially those that I love. And I'm actually laughing a lot more and enjoying what I do!
In our presentations we get real with kids/teens and explain that most bullying starts with gossip, teasing, or another form of verbal abuse. We also explain that each of us have the choice and the freedom to stop it, by simply zipping our lips. I become so transparent in my workshops that I share many of my bad qualities (that I've bullied/abused others), but they also see the other side, that after a horrible life of abusing and abuse, I'm now reaching out to help others. The truth is everyone has bad qualities, but they also have good qualities. So I tell them to look for the good in others. To do unto others as they'd have done unto them. To love their neighbor as themselves.
We do several demonstrations with students as we speak to them. The most powerful game we play is tug o war. We put one person on one end (the bully) and nine other students on the other end. We tell the 9 students to pull real hard, then simply let go. The bully falls. Problem solved. Too many times in an abusive situation we are making the situation worse by hanging on to the problem, but if we just let go, then we are free. We also explain that there is power in numbers and just by simply standing together we can defeat the bully/abuser every time.
There are so many powerful tactics students, teachers, parents and educators are learning from this program. But not as much as I have gained putting it together.
I've learned so much from these kids and these surveys, it's unbelievable. And it's amazing that nearly 90 % of all the kids who filled out a survey thanked us for our program and have learned at least one important strategy to getting out of an abusive, violent, or bullying situation. And the teachers were equally shocked by the types of things they can do to work together with students and parents to stop this abuse in its tracks.
All you have to do is tell everyone about our website www.abusebites.com, our program, and call your local church, schools, and libraries. If you want to see your community change for the better, please let us Take A Bite Out Of Abuse!
Thanks so much for taking time to read this and may you have a blessed and safe New Year,
~Lisa Freeman
We've all heard the saying that "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me". But we all know that couldn't be farther from the truth, because words do hurt. The fact is, words can either be used as a weapon thrown like a dagger straight through our heart or can be the healing salve on an open wound.
The Bible actually says, that the power of life and death is in the tongue. I believe that's true.
I'm just as guilty of ripping people apart with my words as the next person. I'm sort of humorous and I always have to get the last laugh. Many times, unfortunately, it was at someone else's expense. Recently, I've had to rethink my humor and try not to bash anyone, especially those that I love. And I'm actually laughing a lot more and enjoying what I do!
In our presentations we get real with kids/teens and explain that most bullying starts with gossip, teasing, or another form of verbal abuse. We also explain that each of us have the choice and the freedom to stop it, by simply zipping our lips. I become so transparent in my workshops that I share many of my bad qualities (that I've bullied/abused others), but they also see the other side, that after a horrible life of abusing and abuse, I'm now reaching out to help others. The truth is everyone has bad qualities, but they also have good qualities. So I tell them to look for the good in others. To do unto others as they'd have done unto them. To love their neighbor as themselves.
We do several demonstrations with students as we speak to them. The most powerful game we play is tug o war. We put one person on one end (the bully) and nine other students on the other end. We tell the 9 students to pull real hard, then simply let go. The bully falls. Problem solved. Too many times in an abusive situation we are making the situation worse by hanging on to the problem, but if we just let go, then we are free. We also explain that there is power in numbers and just by simply standing together we can defeat the bully/abuser every time.
There are so many powerful tactics students, teachers, parents and educators are learning from this program. But not as much as I have gained putting it together.
I've learned so much from these kids and these surveys, it's unbelievable. And it's amazing that nearly 90 % of all the kids who filled out a survey thanked us for our program and have learned at least one important strategy to getting out of an abusive, violent, or bullying situation. And the teachers were equally shocked by the types of things they can do to work together with students and parents to stop this abuse in its tracks.
Won't you please help us get this important message out there so we can literally stop abuse, violence, and bullying? We don't want another mall shooting, what happened at Virginia Tech, or even Columbine. What we want is to bring this country back to the peace, safety, and love we once knew!
All you have to do is tell everyone about our website www.abusebites.com, our program, and call your local church, schools, and libraries. If you want to see your community change for the better, please let us Take A Bite Out Of Abuse!
Thanks so much for taking time to read this and may you have a blessed and safe New Year,
~Lisa Freeman
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Bullied To Death
Nearly a year ago, in SEVENTEEN Magazine,I read an intriguing article "Bullied To Death". As I read the horrific story of this fine young man, my heart gripped within me. Jeff Johnston, 15, was literally pushed over the edge by cyber bullying and felt SUICIDE was the only way out.
Jeff was a straight A student, who loved math, science, and animals. He even became a vegetarian in 7th grade and said, "I'll never eat anything with a face on it."
The start of his 7th grade year was jamming. He had a new girlfiriend, some friends, and seemed to be on the top of the world. However, a few days later, he came into his mother's science class in tears. "She broke up with me because she thinks I'm saying mean things about her."
The next day a boy who was in three of Jeff's classes began following him through the halls. "Faggot!" the kid called.
Jeff, totally in shock, just walked away. Later that day when he was trying to patch things up with his girlfriend, this kid showed up again, "Stalker!" he shouted.
Jeff had no idea why this kid was doing this, since the two barely knew each other. But it only got worse.
A few days later in class, this boy passed a note to all of Jeff's friends, telling them that Jeff was saying mean things about them. Even though Jeff told his friends none of it was true, they didn't believe him.
From there, he received threatening phone calls at home. That's when his mother decided to answer the phone. When she picked up a boy on the other end shouted, "Everyone hates your son!" and hung up. Although Jeff's mother went to the principal about this and the other incidents, nothing was ever done to stop this boy or his crude comments.
After a half a dozen similar phone calls, he began slamming Jeff online too. Jeff was playing a computer game that he had created one day and some boys hacked in on it. "Jeff's a faggot," one wrote. "And Jeff should die popped up."
He told his mom right then, "I'm going to kill myself if I have to go back to school." So his mother allowed him to stay home for a couple of weeks. When he went back to school, he felt ugly, overweight, and tried to hide his face. No matter how much he tried to hide, the abuse and threats only worsened.
On June 28, 2005, he sent an email to his friend Kaley who he had known since middle school. "I'm kind of depressed," he wrote. "Why? Haven't heard from y0u in awhile," she responded. "I've been in hiding," he replied. "What do you mean?" she asked. "Nothing," he said.
A few hours later, Jeff went to his room, made a noose from a strap on his book bag, put the strap around his neck and hung himself.
I share this story in many of my presentations, so kids will see just what bullying can do. I won't let Jeff or anyone else die in vain. He wasn't just another teenager. He was someone crying for help, and yet nobody came to his aid. But I believe there's hope--for those being bullied and for those who are bullies. I've been on both sides of the spectrum and now I'm fighting back to help kids, parents, and educators. Won't you help too?
What You Can Do:
-Contact Your Local School & Get Programs Like Ours In
-Understand That Bullies Aren't Just Mean Kids--Hurt People Hurt People--Bullies have probably been bullied themselves.
-Ask Your Kids If They're Being Bullied
-Know Your Kids & Their Friends
-Tell Your Child To Report Any & All Bullying/ Print Up Any Cyber Bullying
-Don't Take Matters Into Your Own Hands
FIGHT BACK BY:
-Learning All You Can About Bullying
-Reporting All Bullying To Your Principal or the Police
-Protecting Your Child & Let Them Know It's Not Their Fault & Support Them
-Understand They May Have Some Fear or Self-Esteem Issues
-Get Counseling For Them If Needed
-Using The Buddy System (have them team up with a friend so they're never alone)
-Develop A Safety Plan Of Where They Can Go For Help
-Getting Programs Like Ours Into Your Community/Schools
Jeff was a straight A student, who loved math, science, and animals. He even became a vegetarian in 7th grade and said, "I'll never eat anything with a face on it."
The start of his 7th grade year was jamming. He had a new girlfiriend, some friends, and seemed to be on the top of the world. However, a few days later, he came into his mother's science class in tears. "She broke up with me because she thinks I'm saying mean things about her."
The next day a boy who was in three of Jeff's classes began following him through the halls. "Faggot!" the kid called.
Jeff, totally in shock, just walked away. Later that day when he was trying to patch things up with his girlfriend, this kid showed up again, "Stalker!" he shouted.
Jeff had no idea why this kid was doing this, since the two barely knew each other. But it only got worse.
A few days later in class, this boy passed a note to all of Jeff's friends, telling them that Jeff was saying mean things about them. Even though Jeff told his friends none of it was true, they didn't believe him.
From there, he received threatening phone calls at home. That's when his mother decided to answer the phone. When she picked up a boy on the other end shouted, "Everyone hates your son!" and hung up. Although Jeff's mother went to the principal about this and the other incidents, nothing was ever done to stop this boy or his crude comments.
After a half a dozen similar phone calls, he began slamming Jeff online too. Jeff was playing a computer game that he had created one day and some boys hacked in on it. "Jeff's a faggot," one wrote. "And Jeff should die popped up."
He told his mom right then, "I'm going to kill myself if I have to go back to school." So his mother allowed him to stay home for a couple of weeks. When he went back to school, he felt ugly, overweight, and tried to hide his face. No matter how much he tried to hide, the abuse and threats only worsened.
On June 28, 2005, he sent an email to his friend Kaley who he had known since middle school. "I'm kind of depressed," he wrote. "Why? Haven't heard from y0u in awhile," she responded. "I've been in hiding," he replied. "What do you mean?" she asked. "Nothing," he said.
A few hours later, Jeff went to his room, made a noose from a strap on his book bag, put the strap around his neck and hung himself.
I share this story in many of my presentations, so kids will see just what bullying can do. I won't let Jeff or anyone else die in vain. He wasn't just another teenager. He was someone crying for help, and yet nobody came to his aid. But I believe there's hope--for those being bullied and for those who are bullies. I've been on both sides of the spectrum and now I'm fighting back to help kids, parents, and educators. Won't you help too?
What You Can Do:
-Contact Your Local School & Get Programs Like Ours In
-Understand That Bullies Aren't Just Mean Kids--Hurt People Hurt People--Bullies have probably been bullied themselves.
-Ask Your Kids If They're Being Bullied
-Know Your Kids & Their Friends
-Tell Your Child To Report Any & All Bullying/ Print Up Any Cyber Bullying
-Don't Take Matters Into Your Own Hands
FIGHT BACK BY:
-Learning All You Can About Bullying
-Reporting All Bullying To Your Principal or the Police
-Protecting Your Child & Let Them Know It's Not Their Fault & Support Them
-Understand They May Have Some Fear or Self-Esteem Issues
-Get Counseling For Them If Needed
-Using The Buddy System (have them team up with a friend so they're never alone)
-Develop A Safety Plan Of Where They Can Go For Help
-Getting Programs Like Ours Into Your Community/Schools
Friday, October 26, 2007
New Article Just In
Speaker:Breakbullyingcycle
Friday, October 26, 2007
AMY PAYNE
THE SAGINAW NEWS
At only 7 pounds, 3 1/2-month-old Baby Ruth might fight bullies in the ultra-lightweight class, but she's not lacking enthusiasm.
The tiny Chihuahua mix and Snickers, a 9-year-old fox terrier mix, serve as the mascots for ''Take a Bite Out of Abuse,'' the brainchild of Owosso resident Lisa Freeman.
Freeman, an abuse survivor, tours mid-Michigan with her pets to raise awareness about bullying and other forms of abuse. Thursday, she and the dogs visited fifth- through eighth-graders at St. Thomas Aquinas Elementary School in Saginaw Township.
''You can't let bullies abuse you; you have to speak up,'' Freeman said.
Snickers -- wearing a fake leather motorcycle jacket emblazoned with the phrase ''BULLY BUSTER'' in red embroidered letters -- rose to his hind legs and barked.
''You may have to turn the other cheek,'' Freeman continued.
Snickers rolled over.
Mistreatment comes in many forms, Freeman said -- not just pushes and shoves, but emotional manipulation as well.
''A lot of times if people say mean things to us, we don't think it's abuse,'' Freeman said.
''Someone says, 'I'm not going to be your friend if you do that,' '' Freeman said to the students gathered in the parochial school's gymnasium. ''Ever hear that one?''
''Yeah,'' the students replied in unison.
Teens also can abuse themselves, Freeman said, not only in physical ways like cutting or drug abuse, but by constantly blaming themselves, maintaining a poor body image or staying in an abusive relationship.
''We can bully ourselves by trying to be cool, look cool or be something we're not,'' Freeman said.
She tailors her presentations to the age group she's talking with. For elementary students such as the ones at St. Thomas Aquinas, she'll focus on bullying; as the audience gets older, the talk shifts to relationship violence and self-abuse.
The cycle of abuse continues because victims often turn on others so they can feel better, Freeman said.
''I was both bullied and a bully when I was growing up,'' she said. ''It felt good to have that power.
''By fifth grade, I was the one everyone was afraid of -- but it was because I didn't feel good about myself.''
Using her full name -- Elisabeth A. Freeman -- she penned several books, including ''Run For Your Life,'' a fictionalized account of some of her experiences as a 13-year-old teen runaway living with a violent boyfriend.
Freeman said she hopes teens take her life as an example ''so they never make the bad choices that I did,'' she said.
To drive the message home, Freeman had several students illustrate how sticking together can help stop bullying. Nine students took one end of a tug-of-war rope, and another student -- the ''bully'' -- took the other.
When both sides keep struggling against each other with force, no one goes anywhere. But ''if we let go in a bullying situation, the bully falls down,'' Freeman said.
For more information on Abuse Bites, call Freeman at (989) 729-2124 or visit www.abusebites.com.
Amy Payne is a staff writer for The Saginaw News. You may reach her at 776-9687.
©2007 Saginaw News
© 2007 Michigan Live. All Rights Reserved.
online article found @ http://www.mlive.com/news/saginawnews/index.ssf?/base/news-24/119340674782800.xml&coll=9
Friday, October 26, 2007
AMY PAYNE
THE SAGINAW NEWS
At only 7 pounds, 3 1/2-month-old Baby Ruth might fight bullies in the ultra-lightweight class, but she's not lacking enthusiasm.
The tiny Chihuahua mix and Snickers, a 9-year-old fox terrier mix, serve as the mascots for ''Take a Bite Out of Abuse,'' the brainchild of Owosso resident Lisa Freeman.
Freeman, an abuse survivor, tours mid-Michigan with her pets to raise awareness about bullying and other forms of abuse. Thursday, she and the dogs visited fifth- through eighth-graders at St. Thomas Aquinas Elementary School in Saginaw Township.
''You can't let bullies abuse you; you have to speak up,'' Freeman said.
Snickers -- wearing a fake leather motorcycle jacket emblazoned with the phrase ''BULLY BUSTER'' in red embroidered letters -- rose to his hind legs and barked.
''You may have to turn the other cheek,'' Freeman continued.
Snickers rolled over.
Mistreatment comes in many forms, Freeman said -- not just pushes and shoves, but emotional manipulation as well.
''A lot of times if people say mean things to us, we don't think it's abuse,'' Freeman said.
''Someone says, 'I'm not going to be your friend if you do that,' '' Freeman said to the students gathered in the parochial school's gymnasium. ''Ever hear that one?''
''Yeah,'' the students replied in unison.
Teens also can abuse themselves, Freeman said, not only in physical ways like cutting or drug abuse, but by constantly blaming themselves, maintaining a poor body image or staying in an abusive relationship.
''We can bully ourselves by trying to be cool, look cool or be something we're not,'' Freeman said.
She tailors her presentations to the age group she's talking with. For elementary students such as the ones at St. Thomas Aquinas, she'll focus on bullying; as the audience gets older, the talk shifts to relationship violence and self-abuse.
The cycle of abuse continues because victims often turn on others so they can feel better, Freeman said.
''I was both bullied and a bully when I was growing up,'' she said. ''It felt good to have that power.
''By fifth grade, I was the one everyone was afraid of -- but it was because I didn't feel good about myself.''
Using her full name -- Elisabeth A. Freeman -- she penned several books, including ''Run For Your Life,'' a fictionalized account of some of her experiences as a 13-year-old teen runaway living with a violent boyfriend.
Freeman said she hopes teens take her life as an example ''so they never make the bad choices that I did,'' she said.
To drive the message home, Freeman had several students illustrate how sticking together can help stop bullying. Nine students took one end of a tug-of-war rope, and another student -- the ''bully'' -- took the other.
When both sides keep struggling against each other with force, no one goes anywhere. But ''if we let go in a bullying situation, the bully falls down,'' Freeman said.
For more information on Abuse Bites, call Freeman at (989) 729-2124 or visit www.abusebites.com.
Amy Payne is a staff writer for The Saginaw News. You may reach her at 776-9687.
©2007 Saginaw News
© 2007 Michigan Live. All Rights Reserved.
online article found @ http://www.mlive.com/news/saginawnews/index.ssf?/base/news-24/119340674782800.xml&coll=9
Sunday, October 14, 2007
My First Love
MY FIRST LOVE
I had no idea when I met my boyfriend at 13 that he would be abusive. It seemed like love at first sight. Something you'd read about in a fairy tale. So when he became jealous, controlling, or slapped me, I just thought he did it because he loved me. After all, he was all I dreamed about. I loved him so much I even ran away with him just so we could be together all the time.
I'd never been out of my small hometown, let alone hitchhiked before. But he assured me everything would be okay, I just needed to follow his lead. He led me into a whole new world. I had to lie, steal, cheat, beg, borrow, and scam people just to survive. Yet I was homeless, starving, cold, and wanted to go home many times. He told me if I did we'd never be together again.
So I continued living on the streets where I was kidnapped, beaten, raped, forced into prostitution & topless dancing, not to mention using drugs and alcohol just to kill the pain. But nothing was more terrifying and painful, than when my boyfriend turned on me in a violent rage and became the person he promised he would never become--his alcoholic abusive father.
When he was sober he was a different person. He'd hold me in his arms and cry, promising he would never hurt me again. I believed him. Time and time again. I even married him, when I turned 16, with my parents consent. But his drunken rages became more frequent and violent until one day he nearly killed me. That's the day I barely escaped!
I want girls to know my story, and that most of the time, if you're in an abusive or controlling relationship, it usually doesn't get better. My husband went to counseling and everything like that, but he only got worse. So, please do yourself a favor if you see this same abusive pattern in your life, get out before it's too late.
A friend of mine, 19-year-old Susie Crim, wasn't so fortunate. The night she tried to end her abusive relationship with her boyfriend, he met her at their apartment and shot her in the neck. Now she's paralyzed from the shoulders down. It's sad to say, but actually, she's one of the lucky ones. Because today many parents are having to plan their daughter's funerals.
That's why I wrote my book "Run For Your Life" to help other girls/women not to make the same mistakes I did. So they won't end up like me, Susie, or even worse. My prayer and hope is for them is to RUN TO LIFE, not to all the things I did.
As most of us know, our first love can be so romantic, awesome, and wonderful, but it can also turn deadly if we aren't careful and catch the warning signs.
So, please if you start to see signs of control and physical violence in your relationship, do yourself a favor, and get out or get help. Because LOVE IS NOT ABUSE, and you don't have to keep suffering. You have rights. You do have a choice--so CHOOSE LIFE before it's too late!
*And let me clarify, that although I've been abused by men my whole life, there are a lot of girls and women who abuse guys too. And now there is also help available for them.
WARNING SIGNS
Parents if you think your daughter /son may be a victim of dating violence
Click Here
GET HELP
Call 9-1-1
or
Your National Domestic Abuse Hotline @
1-800-799-7233
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)