Bullying & Back To School--Who Decides?

Jeremiah, my youngest son, now a junior in high school, surprised me a few weeks ago. "Mom, I want to try to go back to school."

The courage rendered in his voice, along with the positive changes I'd seen in the past six months, made tears come to my eyes. He'd come so far. Could he really go back and rise above the peer pressure, bullying, and verbal abuse? I swallowed hard, trying to hold back my emotion.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'd like to try."

The past year of torment he suffered--we suffered, flashed before my eyes. I rationed... But he is 16, I have to let him make his own decision. My heart raged... No, not again!

As Jeremiah went out to shoot hoops I sat in silence, pondering all the things that had happened over the past year. It all began on the first day of school, when a couple kids started calling him names.

Within minutes, Jeremiah got really sick, his face turned gray, he was all sweaty, and couldn't breath. We later learned at the hospital that he had suffered a full blown panic attack. Since I'd battled panic too, I completely understood how scary having an episode can be, especially when you don't know what's happening. Still we tried to encourage him that he needed to go back to school to overcome this thing.

But every day as the bullying increased, so did his level of anxiety. We called for an emergency IEP meeting at school, and brainstormed with all the professionals.

The doctors, social workers and therapists all tried to come up with a solution to keep him in school. Nothing they suggested alleviated the stress or the deep depression that would soon follow. We wanted him schooled at home from the beginning, because the pressure was just too much. But all the professionals told us that the best thing for Jeremiah and his panic disorder was that he stay in school. In a way I knew they were right--to overcome panic you can't keep yourself isolated, but at the same time, he would need to feel safe and be in a safe place, without being bullied, while healing.

So, under a doctors care, Jeremiah started taking prescribed medication for anxiety. They even tweaked his schedule so he'd only have to go half days. We were hopeful with the new meds and schedule everything would get better, but little did we know our son was on a downward spiral.

Not only did the bullying and verbal abuse at school continue and intensify to the point that his life was threatened, but he started cutting and became suicidal. (I later learned that he had wrapped a belt around his neck 3 times!) He was crying out for help, yet none of us were listening to pain he suffered in silence, behind closed doors.

Thankfully, one night he opened up to me. When I found out everything he was going through, I was heartbroken, devastated, and had no idea what to do. Here we sat helplessly, with our totally despondent tearful son in the padded room at Emergency searching for answers. He had so much depression and shame he wouldn't even look the doctor in the eye as he answered questions.

I shook my head in disbelief. How did we get here? It didn't seem real. With all the medical professionals, the whole school board, and two parents who loved their child more than anything, how could this possibly happen? I felt we had failed Jeremiah and everyone around us had failed him too. I was an abuse advocate traveling to all these schools, teaching kids how to get out of abuse, and here I sat dumbfounded.

But I wasn't giving up, and thankfully neither was Jeremiah.

In November I told the school, doctors, and social workers I'd had enough. "Jeremiah is going to be home schooled and that is final." By this point, no one was arguing. Still, the only way his counselor would allow it is if Jeremiah did not isolate himself. So over the next several months, we made an effort to get Jeremiah out into the public with peers his own age. Jeremiah fought panic, bullying, and abuse everywhere he went, but he overcame every obstacle in his way!

It has been a very long road, but today Jeremiah is healthy, happy, hanging out with a bunch of teens, he sings in our program at schools to help others, plays on softball and basketball teams, and is just enjoying life.

Now, a new school year, and all I could think is, no, we can't go back! Not that the public school is a bad place, (my three older children graduated from the same public school with honors!) just that the bullying and abuse was so brutal for Jeremiah. So I really prayed about the situation, "Okay God if it's your will for Jeremiah to go back to the public school, then fine, so be it, but if not and he's better off here, please let him make the right decision."

A few days after I prayed that prayer, Jeremiah came to me. "Mom, is it okay if I change my mind? I've been thinking about everything and I just feel that I should stay home."

I gave him a huge hug! "Of course it's okay!

The best part is, he made the decision on his own, and this year the school, counselors and doctors are totally supporting that decision too, and he'll be able to travel with us to other schools and share his story of survival and hope!

For more on bullying and verbal abuse--read our Feature Story "No More Hiding" a true story I wrote for Guideposts about a teen girl who was teased, but instead of being crushed, she rose above it all... story can be found @ (www.abusebites.com) on our What's New Page...

Good Luck going back to school...

Have an abuse-free day :)

-Lisa Freeman