It's funny. Or maybe it's not. But all my life I wanted more than anything to be loved, accepted and feel important. Still somehow I always seemed to run in the wrong direction.
Inside I always wanted to do the right thing. But I was sucked in to going along with the crowd so I'd have friends and fit in somewhere.
I was afraid of doing drugs, but everyone in my neighborhood smoked pot. They already thought I did it, so I was cool. Until one day when we were hanging out and they lit up a joint. I was scared to death. When they passed the joint my way I wanted to say no and run home. But I didn't want to look like some dork or be the odd girl out. Yet, my heart pounded like it would explode right out my chest. I just knew if I took a hit I'd die. Still I went along with the crowd.
Another time my supposed BF (best friend--and I use the term FRIEND loosely) and I were shopping. She talked me into stealing. It was scary at first. But I grabbed the pair of earrings and hurried out of the store. Wow! I got away with it! And I got some really nice jewelry for nothing! The next day we did it again. After only a couple weeks I had all this amazing jewelry and I was even ripping off clothes. Everything seemed to be going pretty good. Until one day I was with this same girl in JC Penney's. I had ripped a purse for myself and started walking home, but then she wanted me to go back to the store and get her one too. I didn't have a good feeling about it at all. My gut screamed, "NO!" But she kept pleading and begging, so I went back in, and you guessed it, I got busted. And where was my so called BF while I got a good talking to and threatened that if I ever came back in the store, they'd call my parents, of course she ditched me and took off.
Guys would ditch me too. Oh they'd say they'd love me and that they'd be there for me, but they weren't. As soon as they got what they wanted they'd be gone. Or if they were still around, they were only there to hurt and abuse me.
I'd like to say I got smart and hung out with better people. I didn't. For years I ran to a lifestyle of abuse and let others bully me. It wasn't until much later, as a grown woman, that I learned life is all about choices and I could literally choose friends/relationships that were good and would benefit me, or I could continue to make the poor choices I'd been making.
Basically I was a 7th grade middle school drop out, who suffered through 2 painfully abusive marriages, and became a nothing, but at 26, now a single mother of three I went back to school, got my GED, went onto college where I maintained a 4.0 and made the Dean's List, got a degree in Christian Ministry, and became an Award-Winning Christian Author, Teacher, Speaker, Pet Therapist, and Abuse Advocate. Today I'm running to life and I'm more happy than I've ever been.
It's our choice. We can keep running to bad relationships and a life of abuse or bullying that will bring us down, or we can stop the cycle of abuse and make the choice to run in the right direction--to life and be set free.
I hope you won't have to suffer the way I have. That's why I'm fighting back, by sharing my story through speaking at churches, anti-bullying workshops in schools, and writing books and blogging. By getting this information out there, others can break free too.
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