Is Bullying Gay?

The Battle Over Gay Teens!

In today’s language kids and teens go around saying, “That’s so gay,” about virtually everything. I’ve even heard my own boys say that and quickly corrected them, not wanting to offend or hurt anyone. Although they meant nothing by it, I knew their words could hurt.

Sadly, my boys are not the only ones saying hurtful things or verbally abusing the LBGT community. In my research I found some shocking and tragic stories.

Zach King, from Columbus, Ohio was one of those horrifying stories. Due to his sexual orientation, he was beaten by a fellow high school student last fall. He’d been bullied since the 3^rd grade. Kids would say you sound like a girl. They called him “fag” and said he acted “girly”. 

The brutal beating in high school, which was the worst bullying yet, where he was punched 20 times in the face, was actually taped on a cell phone and then put on Facebook for everyone to see. This happened in a classroom full of students and bystanders, yet, no one helped him.

Thankfully, Zach didn’t commit suicide, instead, he fought back. Today he works alongside his mother as an activist against bullying for LBGT, shares his story, and speaks out to help others. He even received the Flame of Liberty Award from the ACLU this year. Read Zach’s touching story and another story about him here.

Another alarming incident happened just this year, when a New York student, 14 year old Kardin Ulysse was attacked by another student. He actually lost his sight in one eye. After two surgeries doctors have given up and say he will need a transplant. They are not sure if the damage to his eye was from the blows from the punches or the shards of glass from his eyeglasses. Read Kardin’s Full Story.

Tragically, Zach and Kardin are NOT ALONE. Upon digging deeper and doing more research, I have learned some heartbreaking statistics today. I found that the number one reason Lesbians and Gays are bullied is due to their appearance—the way they choose to look/dress. The second reason is because of their gender identity. In one of our workshops, a boy who was gay came up afterwards, gave me a hug and said, “Thanks for your message today. Nobody accepts me for who I am, so I’ve been pretending I’m not gay just so I won’t get teased and people will like me.” How sad!

I discovered that:

•  Bullying Statistics say 1 in 7 kids are bullied or are the bully. Yet, 9 out 10 Lesbians and Gays have reported being bullied over the last year.
•  LBGT, those with disabilities, and those overweight are bullied 63% more than others.
• Gays/Lesbians are 5 times more likely to miss school because they feel unsafe.
• 28% of LBGT’s feel forced to drop out of school all together.
• LBGT are 2-3 times more likely to attempt or commit suicide more than their peers.

In June of this year, a precious teen, 16-year-old, Brandon Elizares, from El Paso, TX, took his own life after being bullied and threatened at school because of his sexuality. His suicide note read, “I couldn’t make it.” His mother reported that kids had threatened to stab and burn him to death. However, she believes the school did everything they could on their part. This was a vicious attack of cyber bullying and cyber threats. Read Brandon’s Story Here.

In Light of Brandon’s Story and Others, Our organization took a closer look at all the bullycides that were reported in the USA since 2009.

We found the following stories online:


In 2012 we found 31 instances of bullycide among kids and teens, 6 of which were openly gay. 


In 2011 we found 43 instances of bullycide among kids and teens, also 6 of which were openly gay/ 3 were labeled gay.


In 2010 we found 40 instances of bullycide among kids and teens, 8 of which were openly gay/ 2 were labeled gay.


In 2009 we only found 5 stories pertaining to bullycide among kids and teens, 1 of which was openly gay/ 1 who was labeled gay.

America needs to wake up before it’s too late! Bullying isn’t Gay, shouldn’t be gay, and needs to be Stopped in Every Realm!

Great stars like Ellen DeGeneres have paved the way for those coming out and choosing openly gay lifestyles! I’m not gay or lesbian—but I do love Ellen!

Everyone in the world needs to see the fact that we are all different, yet we are all the same.

Our Anti-Bullying CHANGE workshops are geared to bring Change & Equality to all people and stop abuse, bullying and violence.

In one of our demonstrations: I give a few kids, teens, and adults (whoever is present in our workshops) various pieces of change, all totaling a dollar. I explain that it all looks different, but yet is entirely equal, of the same value, and can be spent the same. That’s how human beings are, we’re all different (race, gender, sexuality, color, etc), yet each of us has the same value and worth! Each of us wants the same thing, to be loved and accepted for who we are.

We challenge everyone to have a CHANGE OF HEART and decide not to be victims, bystanders, and bullies. We encourage them to make a change, and be survivors, so they can be the change for others to see. Our ultimate goal is to CHANGE HEARTS & SAVE LIVES in memory of our son, Brian, who lived and died forgiving his bullies. After he died we found a CHANGE jar he’d been saving… Read More Here

Written by: Lisa Freeman @ www.abusebites.com, who’s daughter, Melissa, is openly a lesbian. However, before Melissa made that decision, kids teased her relentlessly saying she looked like a boy and called her gay. Everyone in Freeman’s family was abused or bullied (even their dogs!), and have not only survived, but healed. Lisa shares their inspirational stories of abuse, bullying and survival abroad!

Founder & CEO Abuse Bites, Healing Projects Specialist Bully Police USA, Lifelong Abuse Survivor & Advocate, Award-Winning Author & Speaker, Certified Pet Therapist & Dog Trainer

More Stories About LGBT

One Gay Teens Survival Story

Bullying Works—article on anti-LGBTQ

Should A Victim Forgive His Bully? DISCUSSION

SHOULD A VICTIM FORGIVE HIS BULLY? 

YOU TELL ME/ OPEN DISCUSSION

Today, school's many times do not hold the bullies responsible for their actions. Sometimes they even blame the victims and punish them. Then what?

This victim is told by the school to forgive his bully and suck it up and return to school with the bully...

Click the link to read this story  http://bit.ly/LT7yLP

Please share your thoughts--we want to hear from you!

1$ in CHANGE to Stop Abuse, Bullying, & Violence

This benefit is being thrown for our family in honor/memory of our son, Brian who died in August.

I am asking everyone around the world, every city, state, country, and nation to donate/give $1 American Dollar to the cause so we can use your spare CHANGE to CHANGE the world & Stop Abuse, Bullying and Violence.

We will use this money to travel all over the USA/World to educate others on how to get safe from abuse, bullying and violence. Every penny is tax deductible. 

Our son Brian was bullied all his life. He lived and died forgiving his bullies. After he died we found a CHANGE jar he'd been saving. We knew right away we were supposed to collect CHANGE to be the CHANGE for him and others who are bullied. RIP Brian 6/27/88 to 8/10/10.

Our son Jeremiah was nearly bullied to death. Our son Robert was a cutter and had 2 nervous breakdowns due to abuse. Our daughter Melissa was nearly choked to death in school and labeled "gay" because she chose not to date and save herself for the right man.

Please consider taking the $1 CHANGE CHALLENGE TODAY and tell all your email buddies, FB friends, and Twitter followers. We need your support to STOP ABUSE, BULLYING & VIOLENCE. Can you give just $1? If not, give what you can, pass this on, pray for us and our mission, and leave it in God's hands.

You can donate online @ http://www.takeabiteoutofabuse.com/change.html. Or send check or money order payable to: A Time To Heal

CHANGE to STOP ABUSE
PO BOX 1582
Owosso, MI  48867

Thank you for partnering with us!

The Abuse Bites Team
www.abusebites.com

Wear Purple to Stop Abuse & Bullying

Today, I, along with millions of people all over the world, will wear purple in memory/honor of those that have recently lost their lives to bullying and bullycide.

More importantly I will wear the acceptance, love, and an open heart to all who are different from me and accept them just the way they are. Because truly we are all different, unique and wonderful individuals. And chances are, what I can't do, you can. So we literally need each other and one another's gifts and talents to make the world a beautiful place.

So even though these beautiful children/teens/ and even adults have died, their voices live on, screaming out for help and justice for those who are still being bullied, abused, and shunned today. What are you doing to help? Or do you simply walk on by so as not to get involved when you see someone hurting another?

Did you know that if you do nothing, you become part of the problem? It's time to step up and do something. Even if you just wear purple today, it's a start. Let's band together and do something.

It has been reported that 85% of all playground bullying no one does anything, 11% that help are peers, and only 4% are teachers. Come on people, wake up! This could be your child or someone you love next time. Let's do something!

Maybe you can't break up a fight, but you can find someone who can help them. Please don't stand idly by, or walk away any more. We need to stop abuse, bullying and violence wherever we see it.

If you don't stand up for something, you'll fall for anything.

My entire family/dogs have been bullied and abused in some form. So we are fighting back to end the war on bullying. We work feverishly to educate kids, teens, parents, educators, workers, and whole communities on bullying, abuse, and violence and how to stay safe. Please support our cause through prayer, donations, or have us come to your community with our "Abuse Bites" breakout sessions, so you can have the power to break free from abusive behaviors and lifestyles too!

www.abusebites.com

Fun, Interactive Anti-Bullying & Pet Therapy Workshops for the whole family!

Email us today @ abusebites@gmail.com

Education Key to Stop Bullycide & All Forms of Bullying

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. Yet in the last few weeks across the nation there have been at least twelve bullycide victims. Bullycide is the result of someone being bullied to the point of taking their own life.

The latest bullycide report was in Boston, Massachusetts, where a 10-year-old girl was found hanging by a scarf in a closet. "This is heart wrenching," says Lisa Freeman, who founded the anti-bullying program, Take A Bite Out Of Abuse. "Things like this don't have to happen."

Freeman believes with proper education, kids, teens, parents, and teachers will have the tools they need to take the proper action for prevention in the future. "Accidental suicides happen all the time," she says. "Kids today are playing dangerous games like the choking game."

This is just one of the many self-abuse topics Freeman discusses in her interactive workshops. "The choking game is where kids take an object such as a rope, scarf or tie and wrap it around their neck for a high feeling," she says. "Typically they are with someone else the first time they try it, so when they pass out, the friend is able to loosen the grip so they can breathe. However, when they try it alone, there's no one to release the grip and it ends up killing them."

It is Freeman's goal, as well as her whole family, to travel around the country to educate others on bullying and abuse. "I don't want another person to lose their life," she said. "I almost lost my son to bullycide two years ago."

Freeman's son, Jeremiah, was a sophomore then. He had been bullied all his life, was even threatened, and would have severe panic attacks when even thinking of going to school. "He wrapped a belt around his neck three times," she said. "Thankfully we knew the warning signs and got him the help he needed and now he's helping others."

A benefit has been set for the Freeman's in memory of their other son, Brian, who passed away in August. He had Asperger's Syndrome and a rare heart defect. He was bullied all this life. Yet, he lived and died forgiving his bullies. The EATS and BEATS for CHANGE to TAKE A BITE OUT OF ABUSE will take place on Sunday, November 7^th from 4-9 p.m @ Gi Gi's Banquet and Catering. The Mayor, Ben Frederick, will give an address. Limited seating is available. Advanced tickets are $10 per person/ $20 per family ($5 more at door). Mail check/MO to: The Freeman Family, PO Box 1582, Owosso, MI  48867. Get Tickets & info online @ www.abusebites.com.

Speech About Healing From Abuse & Bullying

Let me first say I am both humbled and honored to be here tonight. When Coach Dave Wilson asked me to speak, I was honored, yet at the same time didn't know if I could meet the challenge. Not just because one of my son, Brian, just passed away. But because of an abusive lifestyle I suffered, I have battled with severe panic attacks for years. Yet when God opens a door, even though I might feel fear initially, I know that with him I can do all things.

Yes, with God all things are possible.

Most of you probably don't know that my son Jeremiah also battled severe panic attacks. His panic is also related to being bullied and abused. By the 10^th grade he was bullied so badly in school that he became desperate and even suicidal. Even when we got him the help he needed and began schooling him at home, he had severe panic attacks any time he left the house.

He tried to fit in with other kids outside of school at the YMCA. Even tried to join the Y's basketball team, but he was bullied there too. Even though he was a pretty good player, they didn't allow him the chance to be on the team.

That's when we heard about THE FALCONS and spoke with Coach Hadley. He signed Jeremiah up right away for the next season. But in the meantime Jeremiah was invited to basketball practices and basketball camps, which took place in this very gym.

I'm not going to tell you Jeremiah wasn't nervous or never had panic attacks again. But what I am going to tell you is that this gym is where Jeremiah's healing began. On the court he gained back everything those bullies had stolen from him and so much more. We watched as he persevered to overcome every obstacle in his way, to become not only a STARTER basketball player that made excellent 3 point shots, but a wonderful young man of God.

So I want to thank Coach Hadley, Coach Dave, all the Falcons, and the Owosso Free Methodist Church for literally saving our son's life. God used all of you and this awesome place to bring about a healing that we could have never given him. Yes, with God all things are possible, especially when people like you make amazing sacrifices and pray the price. Thank you for being instruments in the Lords hands. Thank you all and God bless!

For more on our workshops, speaking, etc log onto http://www.abusebites.com 

Kick the Bully's Butt--Fight Back God's Way

Wow! Life has been absolutely crazy lately. For months, even a couple years now, I've been doing a lot of research on bullying and abuse. As I studied kids who'd been bullied, I came across Jared's story of bullycide--his mom Brenda founded The Bully Police USA. Her precious son was bullied to the point that he became depressed and took his own life. I can so relate. The same thing nearly happened to my son, Jeremiah, two years ago.



Jeremiah was just starting his sophomore year. He'd been bullied since he was in the 5th grade, but he'd always had his older brother and sister to rely on and hang out with. But they had both graduated the previous year, so it left him all alone and feeling defenseless when the bully attacked him that first day of school.

He reported the bullying right away and they thought they had handled the situation by talking to the bully. However the bullying never stopped. In fact it got to the point that my son's life was threatened, he began having panic attacks, and he started feeling so desperate and hated facing school so much that he took a belt and wrapped it around his neck three times.

Luckily Jeremiah stopped before it was too late and confided in us after some questioning just how bad it had gotten. So we got him the help and the protection he needed. But believe me, we had to fight for it!

Today we are teaming up with Brenda and other parents/educators to help kids/adults who've been bullied and to prevent others from being bullied. We are now the Healing Projects Specialist for the Bully Police USA and are fighting back against bullying and abuse with our new program "Take A Bite Out Of Abuse".

We teach students, parents, and educators how to fight/defeat the bully without violence:

Here's 10 things every child/parent should know...

1. Statistics show us that 1 out of 10 kids are bullies, but there are nine others who aren't bullies, so if those nine simply STICK TOGETHER, they can defeat the bully (there is power in numbers)

2. Most kids are bullied when alone--so always be paired up with a partner

3. Speak Up. Not only for yourself, but others too. Report all bullying the second it happens to a safe adult (if online/cyber bullying print it up and don't respond back and show it to the proper authorities)

4. Don't walk away when others are being bullied (if you're too afraid to stay there, at least get help for the one being bullied). If you aren't a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem. By walking away and doing nothing you are just as bad as the person bullying.

5. If a bully approaches you try to walk/run away and get help.

6. Try befriending bullies, do something nice for them (if you can), as most bullies have probably been bullied. Hurt people usually hurt people.

7. Bullying is never about ANGER, it's always about power and control.

8. If you don't seem to be getting help after reporting a bullying incident and it keeps happening, keep climbing the ladder and talking to the next person up in authority.

9. We must realize that most bullies are afraid too, afraid of being hurt again, so therefore they hurt others.

10. Over 100,000 kids are bullied each day and afraid to go to school.

Now you Can Help us:

To help us fight this war on bullying you can go to your school and request that they get an educational anti-bullying program in place that will teach not only safety and prevention, but healing techniques for those who've already been bullied and abused.

Our program is just one of many @ www.abusebites.com

Bullying & Back To School--Who Decides?

Jeremiah, my youngest son, now a junior in high school, surprised me a few weeks ago. "Mom, I want to try to go back to school."

The courage rendered in his voice, along with the positive changes I'd seen in the past six months, made tears come to my eyes. He'd come so far. Could he really go back and rise above the peer pressure, bullying, and verbal abuse? I swallowed hard, trying to hold back my emotion.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'd like to try."

The past year of torment he suffered--we suffered, flashed before my eyes. I rationed... But he is 16, I have to let him make his own decision. My heart raged... No, not again!

As Jeremiah went out to shoot hoops I sat in silence, pondering all the things that had happened over the past year. It all began on the first day of school, when a couple kids started calling him names.

Within minutes, Jeremiah got really sick, his face turned gray, he was all sweaty, and couldn't breath. We later learned at the hospital that he had suffered a full blown panic attack. Since I'd battled panic too, I completely understood how scary having an episode can be, especially when you don't know what's happening. Still we tried to encourage him that he needed to go back to school to overcome this thing.

But every day as the bullying increased, so did his level of anxiety. We called for an emergency IEP meeting at school, and brainstormed with all the professionals.

The doctors, social workers and therapists all tried to come up with a solution to keep him in school. Nothing they suggested alleviated the stress or the deep depression that would soon follow. We wanted him schooled at home from the beginning, because the pressure was just too much. But all the professionals told us that the best thing for Jeremiah and his panic disorder was that he stay in school. In a way I knew they were right--to overcome panic you can't keep yourself isolated, but at the same time, he would need to feel safe and be in a safe place, without being bullied, while healing.

So, under a doctors care, Jeremiah started taking prescribed medication for anxiety. They even tweaked his schedule so he'd only have to go half days. We were hopeful with the new meds and schedule everything would get better, but little did we know our son was on a downward spiral.

Not only did the bullying and verbal abuse at school continue and intensify to the point that his life was threatened, but he started cutting and became suicidal. (I later learned that he had wrapped a belt around his neck 3 times!) He was crying out for help, yet none of us were listening to pain he suffered in silence, behind closed doors.

Thankfully, one night he opened up to me. When I found out everything he was going through, I was heartbroken, devastated, and had no idea what to do. Here we sat helplessly, with our totally despondent tearful son in the padded room at Emergency searching for answers. He had so much depression and shame he wouldn't even look the doctor in the eye as he answered questions.

I shook my head in disbelief. How did we get here? It didn't seem real. With all the medical professionals, the whole school board, and two parents who loved their child more than anything, how could this possibly happen? I felt we had failed Jeremiah and everyone around us had failed him too. I was an abuse advocate traveling to all these schools, teaching kids how to get out of abuse, and here I sat dumbfounded.

But I wasn't giving up, and thankfully neither was Jeremiah.

In November I told the school, doctors, and social workers I'd had enough. "Jeremiah is going to be home schooled and that is final." By this point, no one was arguing. Still, the only way his counselor would allow it is if Jeremiah did not isolate himself. So over the next several months, we made an effort to get Jeremiah out into the public with peers his own age. Jeremiah fought panic, bullying, and abuse everywhere he went, but he overcame every obstacle in his way!

It has been a very long road, but today Jeremiah is healthy, happy, hanging out with a bunch of teens, he sings in our program at schools to help others, plays on softball and basketball teams, and is just enjoying life.

Now, a new school year, and all I could think is, no, we can't go back! Not that the public school is a bad place, (my three older children graduated from the same public school with honors!) just that the bullying and abuse was so brutal for Jeremiah. So I really prayed about the situation, "Okay God if it's your will for Jeremiah to go back to the public school, then fine, so be it, but if not and he's better off here, please let him make the right decision."

A few days after I prayed that prayer, Jeremiah came to me. "Mom, is it okay if I change my mind? I've been thinking about everything and I just feel that I should stay home."

I gave him a huge hug! "Of course it's okay!

The best part is, he made the decision on his own, and this year the school, counselors and doctors are totally supporting that decision too, and he'll be able to travel with us to other schools and share his story of survival and hope!

For more on bullying and verbal abuse--read our Feature Story "No More Hiding" a true story I wrote for Guideposts about a teen girl who was teased, but instead of being crushed, she rose above it all... story can be found @ (www.abusebites.com) on our What's New Page...

Good Luck going back to school...

Have an abuse-free day :)

-Lisa Freeman